A while ago, Ezzie invited me over to post something. The only stipulations he gave me was that I can't curse, no liberal crap, and not too much kfira. Ya, my thoughts exactly. This Ezzie guy is some sort of dictator nut. The other reason I did not post was because I did not having anything meaningful to post (outside of a few rants). Well, things have changed now in light of what's going on in Israel. Now, some of you might have heard of a small blog by some shmoe called Godol Hador. Apparently, he has retired,(*holding back tears*) but if anyone has been following his last few posts, some of them have been dedicated to discussions of the Myers-Briggs personality tests (INTP, ISTJ etc). In order to really take these tests, or any other tests such as these, one must really have a good sense of self-awareness. Since then, I have really been doing some soul-searching on a few issues. One, specifically, is what's happening in Israel right now.
A few days ago, someone came into my office to talk to my boss. On the way to his office, he passed me, and I overheard him say something like: "WE are going into Lebanon...." All of a sudden, I stopped working. WE? WE? Did I just here him say: "WE?" For some reason, it hit me. How could anyone here say "WE" when discussing anything going on in Israel. We live here now. In American, not Israel. By what right do can we use the word "WE"? As much as we talk about it, we are not the ones being fired upon. We get to sit back and relax at home. Our only connection with Israel at this point is the 10:00PM news. But then something else hit me, and this is where the self-awareness comes in. Why are we really feeling bad for the situation in Israel? What's behind it all? Do we truly care for all the citizens of that country? Do we want Peace? Why? What's behind all the tears and tfillot? I came to the conclusion that the reason is selfish guilt. Now, don't get me wrong, we obviously we care for what's going on over there, but I think the number one reason, before the rest is nothing but guilt playing on our conscience, that we are here, and they are there. Sure we want peace, but why? I think, first and foremost, its because we want to be at ease with ourselves. We want peace there, so we will have a clean conscience living here while our brothers and sisters suffer in the land that we should be in as well. My wife today told me a story of when she was in the tzofim in L.A. during the first Persian Gulf War, they used to hand out Gas Masks to everyone. This was to show some sort of solidarity with Israel. What crap! Do Jews in Israel really care for a bunch of teenagers in LA showing their support by holding on to Gas Masks? If that isn't a way for someone to ease his conscience, then I don't know what is.
So why am I writing this? Basically because, I want to admit that I am guilty of being selfish. I am not thinking of my fellow Jews first, but of my own guilty conscience. I can't really help it, thats just how I am, but it's still no excuse. SO, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to any Jew in Israel reading this. I'm sorry that I am not in Israel right now. I'm sorry I'm not in my hometown of Nahariya in the shelter with friends and relatives. I'm sorry that I get to go out, and have fun, while missiles are falling down on peoples homes. I'm sorry I haven't prayed for you yet.