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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

MordyS: Hear ye! Hear ME!

I wrote in a comment a couple of days ago that this past weekend my antisemite sentiment was turned up to a nice simmer. I said that Monsey will do that to you sometimes, but it really wasn't Monsey that did it to me. It was actually the Friday afternoon drive from Brooklyn to Monsey that made me realize how much I hate Jews.

The reason for that was that for the hour and fifteen minutes that I spent competing with the Brooklynites on their merry ways up to the mountains to get from 13th Avenue and 39th street to my house in Monsey there were nine incidents that caused me to use words I probably shouldn't write here. And out of those nine incidents, (2 on Ocean Parkway, 1 while entering the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel, 3 on the Westside Highway, 1 while getting on the GWB, and 2 on the Palisades) seven of them were by the most self-centered, unsafe and worst representatives of the Jewish faith on the planet. 7 out of 9 very unsafe and highly obstructive incidents were performed by Jews driving like complete a-holes without a care in the world for anyone besides themselves. The other two incidents were by cabs/car services. (don't worry, when I rule the world, those beyotches are the next to go!)

But the icing on the cake was when I pulled into 7-11 and of course, like always, there's this nice Jewish mommy in her shiny new Toyota Sienna (the new Honda Odyssey, IMO) parked in the fire lane, talking on her headset, while waiting for her cute little youngens to get their pre-shabbos slurpees. Meanwhile, the rest of us worthless oxygen hoggers are trying to maneuver our autos into that spot in between those two yellow lines that the law and most rational people would call a "parking space." But noooooooooooooo, what does she care? Her hell spawn have to get their slurpees and be able to get right back into the car without any sort of obstacle! D-bag J-mom isn't gonna let like ten feet of a perfectly flat parking lot touch the feet of her precious offspring!!!! So it's been a long day, and I've had it. So me and my homie Duvs get out o' da whip, and we walk up on dis J-Mom and in his words, "He f-in spazzzzed on this woman!" I'm going on and on about how she's setting a wonderful example for her children on how to go through life being an inconvenience to the entire world and how no, of course no one minds that she's completely selfish and being a nuisance to the simple flow of 7-11 parking lot traffic and how she's not the only one in a rush before Shabbos and so on and furthermore and henceforth and whatnot. And then I go in and get my slurpee without even so much as waiting to see the look on her face. Duvs told me she yelled something about "showing some respect" or something like that.

Now, I'm 22 years old, I'm an adult, and I can decide for myself who deserves and who does not deserve respect. And someone who shows no respect for a parking lot full of people that are in no way less higher and mightier than you and your minivan full of pishers does not deserve respect. Especially when other people and their minivans full of pishers have the decency to actually park like normal human beings. But I digress. Finally. Cuz really, talking about driving annoyances wasn't my point.

Why did I yell at this woman? Why do I yell at anybody who cuts me off or does something stupid or asks for my opinion? Why do I love giving rebuke so much?

Sitting in shul on Friday night as I was about to say Shema, it suddenly occurred to me. (This happened to be a really eye opening, productive Shabbos.) I like giving rebuke because it makes me more conscious of the stupid things I do. Like, my driving habits are certainly not perfect. Some would say they're pretty scary. (I dunno what they're talking about!) But when I yell at other people for doing stupid things like cutting me off, it makes me more aware of those things and then I try to be more careful not to cut people off. And I'm not just saying that; and I don't believe there's a natural desire to not want to be labeled a hyporcite either. I really feel that when I give rebuke on a certain issue, it brings that issue into my consciousness for a certain amount of time and for that period I actually try to make sure I'm not committing any of those transgressions, and possibly turn it into a permanent thing as well. So is that so wrong? Is it wrong of me to give rebuke if it's only for selfish reasons? The way I see it, at least the rebuke wasn't given in vain. Why can't I gain from it?

So over Shabbos I dwelled on the fact that I came to this realization as I was about to say Shema.
"Shema Yisrael!" Hear, O Israel!

Why do we start off this important prayer with the words "Hear Israel"? I always thought that the next part of the sentence was the more important part. Hashem Elokainu Hashem Echad seems to have a lot more meaning and depth than the first two words. So a new meaning came to me on the first two words. It occurred to me that Shema can be viewed as a sort of rebuke in a sense. We could just cover our eyes and proclaim, "Hasem is our G-d, Hashem is One!" but no, first we say, "Hear Israel!" This isn't just for me to shout out, it's for all of you to recognize as well, and now I'll proclaim it and be conscious of it together with the public and we will all grow together by declairing that this is what we all truly believe. So if it's true that when giving rebuke, one becomes more aware and conscious of the subject that he's giving rebuke on, then maybe the Shema was made specifically in a sort of instructive tone in order to make it a rebuke to ourselves as we instruct everyone else. For all I know this idea could be discussed at length by whichever Rabbi or past Rabbi, so maybe I'm being mechaven to whoever. Yay for me.

I really feel like this is a huge concept though. If Shema is really telling us that tochacha is so imporant, then why aren't Jews more vocal? Why do people get so annoyed when someone has the guts to actually open up their mouths? I mean, look around Judaism today at who's vocal and how they are viewed.

Basically, I'm feeling that just about anyone who decides to stand up for something will get torn apart by the community or someone will find some way to publicly invalidate whatever they say. Even if it's by a comment as stupid as, "Oy, that guy is such a meshugana, who listens to him anyway?" people can completely ruin an entire cause.

And then there are the groups that some people think are overly vocal so they become viewed in a sort of skewed light. Look at Lubavitch today. I have so much respect for Lubavitch. Some people might have the guts to say "look at those crazies, they're yelling all about their Rebbe and whatever all the time." Yeah, lemme tell you something, do you know any misnagid that's as devoted to any Rabbi, dead or alive, as much as Lubavitch is? The chinuch and dedication that they drill into their youth is amazing. The yeshivish community should wish they could instill the kind of love that these people show for a spiritual leader. And if someone would try to argue about how they're only heard by their use of "propaganda" or whatever, I'll tell them that at least people hear their voice and it's proof that speaking up certainly accomplishes a lot.

Another issue is that when people don't open up their mouths and discuss things, things could never get dealt with. I feel like there are tons of little things that everyone whispers about but no one actually speaks up about. If you make your voice be heard about something, people can't avoid it for too much longer. This also has to do with what added to my antisemite sentiment this past weekend. I've been hearing random stories about how Jews are just so dishonest and greedy in some of their business dealings. The Jewish cab company that's undercutting his competition by not legally registering his fleet really pisses me off. So the owner of the legit cab company has his claim, "I don't want to be a moser, and ya know, this guy is just trying to make a parnasa." So some would say that the legit cab company owner is right and he's being nice, good for him. Others would call him a pushover. But really the illegit owner is ruining the business for many other cab companies that are trying to be legit. And of course, nothing will ever get done about this cuz no one is gonna have the guts inform the authorities. Should you or shouldn't you is obviously a very deep important question, but just being vocal about the subject could possibly stir up the illegitmate guy into taking some steps towards not ruining it for everyone else. And then there's the Bagel Shop owner who just doesn't pay his workers on time, like how many other Jewish businesses. I mean, isn't that halacha somewhere? Come on, speak up! Somebody should get up and make it known that these issues exist and that they effect the Jewish community in one way or another. But then again who's going to listen to a 22 year old college student?

So I'm really annoyed that people don't open up their mouths more often. If we would be more vocal on how we feel about things going on in our communities, maybe more action would be taken to better ourselves and the world around us. And maybe people would stop making fun of the guy who actually stands up for something and realize that he just cares a lot more about his brothers and sisters and the rest of the world than you do.

Oh, and RIP Syd Barrett. 1946-2006

44 comments:

  1. Oooo, SNAP!!! (I have no way of expressing the absolute pleasure I got from this post - from the humor, the points, and the messages.) But I'm almost jumping out of my seat here. :)

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  2. Ok Mordy, I like you and all and I know this is a "rant" but your points are more poignant without the "D-bag", "Biyotch" and the like...

    At the same token, you make some great points. Rebuke is also a form of teaching is learning. I always hated the arguement of "how dare you rebuke me when you are no better" because even if I am no better, I am alerting you to the same problems I am experiencing. I am probably the MOST qualified to rebuke because I share the same problems.

    HOWEVER, one major caveat. Like the best comedians, its all in the delivery. Yelling at the mom WAS disrespectful. When you rebuke someone it is done with respect. Even if they show none in return.

    You make very valid points, but your putting it into practice needs to be polished a lot!

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  3. Honestly, waiting in the fire lane at 7-11 is a terrible thing.

    I vote we burn her at the stake.

    In all seriousness - I think that you should get a grip. You were stressed out, and you took out your anger on this poor woman. Learn to control your anger better.

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  4. I don't know if y'all are familiar with that 7-11, so... I'd say that half the times I'm there, there's someone in that fire lane. Forget the danger of that for a moment, and the illegality. It is *impossible* to park in any spot that's perpindicular to a car in that fire lane, usually meaning that one van can easily take out 3 spots.

    Should he have blown up as he did? Maybe not. But the woman certainly needed to hear what he had to say. Blowing up may be a better lesson that she'll remember, while talking to her nicely would be brushed off. (Though that still doesn't mean it's okay.)

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  5. I should also note that yesterday, I was quite annoyed myself. We were walking with Elianna to check out an apartment, and as the light changed, we stopped at a corner. Within 1/2 a second, we heard a long, hard BEEEEEP!! The guy who was getting beeped at had committed the horrible crime of not anticipating the green, or perhaps waiting to make sure that the couple with a baby wasn't crossing in front of him, before going. He had a look of incredulity on his face, and put up his hands to the person behind him as if saying "What the heck?" When he drove off, I noticed that the person behind him was... a frum Jew. Wonderful.

    If the person in front of you hasn't gone yet, don't honk! Wait a few measly seconds. If after 3-5 seconds, the guy still hasn't gone, lightly tap the horn to make sure he's aware of the light change - don't lean on it.

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  6. On a related note: Today is 7/11 and you can get a free slurpee. Just dont park in the fire lane.

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  7. Oh geez. Come read this and tell me what an amateur I am!

    ...but my point was more along the lines of, we have to be cognizant of how we are viewed by non-Jews (and I live in flyover country, where there are still millions of people who have never met a Jew, LOL).

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  8. BTW, speaking of living in "flyover country", our recent trip out east reminded me that for all the amenities that are missing from a small frum community (say, a few hundred tops, 22K Jews total in the area), people out here really are nicer, and for $300,000 you can live in 2600 SF or more!

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  9. P.P.S. Ezzie, at first I thought that you wrote this post, and I have to admit I was shocked at the language I thought was coming from this fine young man I've developed such high regard for (don't let that get out!) - I am relieved that it wasn't you who wrote this post, frankly!!!

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  10. Yeah, Chana - not my language. This friend is one of the best ranters I know, though, so don't feel bad that you're not as tough as he is. Plus, your way is probably better... but his is quite entertaining. :)

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  11. Shout, shout, let it all out
    These are the things I can do without
    Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

    -tune that was going off in my head while reading this post.

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  12. Tears for Fears??

    High School flashback...

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  13. While I have great admiration and respect for the "shock and awe" approach used in this post I persnonally find myself in use of over the top sarcasm mixed w/ a little disdain. It's really quite effective in getting the point across, also makes you feel slightly superior at the same time...always important.

    --hell spawn...nice!

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  14. 2 points for the blue man group(ette)

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  15. In the words of Eric Cartman, "I'll do what I want!!!"

    But seriously, I don't mean to offend. I know, I have a potty mouth. I've always had a potty mouth and I know it's not gonna help me get such a great shidduch (aside from my empty wallet). Ask JH, it can be hard in my house. So I'm sorry for my potty mouth and I'll try not to let it slip up as much.

    And let met clarify. My buddy Duvs might have exagerated just a tad, and I might have blown it up a lil bit too. I certainly did not use any profanity while rebuking this woman and I didn't even raise my voice. I did however, use a stern tone and was in complete rant mode (like I said, minus the vulgarity). I am a firm believer in that when rebuking someone, it should be done with respect. Also, in order to be taken seriously, one cannot shout and curse like a madman. However, as an adult, I fealt that as no one else decided to inform her of her misdeeds, the responsiblity to let her know was there. And so I did!

    And thanx for the reminder Rea!!!

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  16. "Ask JH, it can be hard in my house"

    Bro, your dad would find it hilarious while your mom will be pissed at you for talking like that, and pissed at your dad for laughing...how accurate is that picture?

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  17. why has this become a lashon hora blog?

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  18. as cliche as it sounds, we're right before the three weeks...yes, there are other members of the Tribe who do things that annoy us, but the whole world does things that annoys us! It's time that people understood that Jews are imperfect as the rest of the world and instead of writing posts that blast certain groups of Jews, we should stop, think for a moment, and realize that these posts won't change anything, so we might as well take these annoying incidents as opportunities to be dan l'kaf zchus instead of being hateful towards one another...

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  19. I think this was an important post, but the people who need to read it the most will never see it. I think that many frum Jews (mainly from heavily-frum-populated areas) are in serious need of an attitude adjustment in the way they act and the way they view/treat the world at large.

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  20. 'people out here really are nicer'

    My wife and I both live AND work in predominantly non-Jewish areas of New York City. (Yes, such areas do exist.) We see the kinds of stuff you described all the time -- perpetrated by non-Jews. I think it may be a New York thing. She had never lived in New York until just over a year ago and she is still getting over how rude people can be.

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  21. If by loshon hora, you mean a Jew hating blog, then it hasn't become a loshon hora blog (or a jew hating blog). I wrote this to make Jews wake up and think. For some odd reason, it seems the only way to get them to do that is by writing in a sharp and sometimes shocking manner.

    And yes, I realize it is right before the three weeks. And no, I was not pointing at one particular group of Jews. I'm an equal opportunity blaster. However, the one thing that some of us seem to have achdus in is our disregard for the outside world. And how do you propose we stir up any sort of action without first vocalizing the fact that a problem exists in our community? Now it's right before the three weeks, so we have to be quiet. Then it'll be Elul, so we have to be quiet. Then it'll be the Aseres Yemay Tshuva, so we have to be quiet.
    So Anon @ 4:54, when do you propose we speak up and let the community know their faults? When is the "right time" to give Tochacha?

    Note: The views and opinions expressed in this post do not represent the views and opinions of this blog in general. They are the views and opinions of a specific contributor to this blog and in no way dictate the general ideas associated with this blog.

    Better?

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  22. ranting on a blog that they probably won't read isnt tochacha, plus, according to your logic, you've got the rest of the year to complain...that's all i'm gonna say about that, before the flaming starts.

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  23. Charlie- http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-2233162,00.html

    Take that!

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  24. I knew someone would bring in that Reader's Digest study... :)

    Charlie - It's true that NYers are generally ruder than the rest of the US (the RD study was vs. internationally), but I find that the Jews in NY are generally worse. Perhaps it's because they are unapologetic, but more likely it's because I hear people trying to excuse their actions (whether via halacha or what not). It is really sickening.

    Scraps - Maybe they won't read it themselves, but maybe others will talk about the issue more and more people will become a bit aware of it. If even one person is a bit more aware, then I think this post has accomplished something.

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  25. Chazal-Kol haposel bemumo posel.

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  26. Daat Y - I'm not sure how you mean that in this case. One of the points of the post was that being aware of the problems of others makes us strive to fix our own...

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  27. New Yorkers have nothing on us Boston drivers! Have you ever been flipped off by an 80 year old lady driver? Didn't think so.

    ;-)

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  28. Nothing like jewish drivers (even here in melbourne) to make you think carefully about things. especially because driving is not simply about respect, it's also about safety.

    and if only people realised this: I feel like there are tons of little things that everyone whispers about but no one actually speaks up about. If you make your voice be heard about something, people can't avoid it for too much longer. If you speak up in a way that is respectful and appropriate then you'd be surprised at who would listen.

    Great post, thank you Mordy!

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  29. Sarah- Thank you for reading and getting it.
    "If you speak up in a way that is respectful and appropriate then you'd be surprised at who would listen." The funny thing is that I think some people found this post a little disrepectful AND inapproporiate, and look how many people are listening!!! Of course, that does NOT mean I advocate being disrespectful or inappropriate, and I think I made that one clear as day. I just thought your comment was a little ironic is all.

    Daat Y- I have no idea what you're getting at. Sorry. Care to explain yourself?

    JH- Yeah, and Mass and RI are both like 2 and 3 or 3 and 4 in the nation for the highest car insurance rates. (of course not like NY is any better)Hehe.
    But I hope people realize that the point of this post has nothing to do with the fact that Jews are bad drivers.

    In fact, I'll reiterate the point for those of you that seem to be a bit confused as to what I was really getting at.

    The point of this post was to get people to start speaking up and vocalizing their problems with their neighbors and their fellow community members and their fellow Tribesman, in an effort to get people to realize that there are many problems that are not gettng addressed and that we must realize they exist and do something about them. We have to not be afraid to start giving tochacha again. I didn't say we have to start learning how to take tochacha. That was not the point of this post, since being able to take tochacha is a heck of a lot harder than dishing it out. It's always a lot easier to say that you are doing something wrong than it is to say I'm doing something wrong. And maybe in the process of dishing it out, we'll have the consciousness of mind to realize that, hey, ya know what, I gotta work on this character deficiency as well! And then we'll all have made the world a better place and we'll be able to smile and make smores and sing kumbaya.

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  30. Man, do I NOT miss Monsey. I hated driving from my apartment to the store, just down 306 was trecherous. Amen, Mordy.

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  31. I can't tell you how many times me and my babies in the double stroller almost got knocked off by someone who decided they didn't want to wait at a red light, and pulled up on to the SIDEWALK to cut through.

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  32. Firstly I whole heartedly agree with Mordy. Being from Monsey, unfortunately does that to you. My mom works in Monsey and the surrounding areas and she says that unfortunately her worst customers are the frum Jews, since they are the ones who seem to lie and cheat the most. The funny thing is, that I called them "frum" Jews, becuase I think that someone who dosent pay their taxes, or cheats their way through a deal, I dont care how devoutely they keep Shabbos, Is not a Frum Jew. I was raised, that when it comes to Jews, we have to respect every Jew for what they do, and we cant say Im right and their wrong- becuase different people have different minhagim and different ways of doing something. Your LOR may not be the same as mine, and yet hes a LOR, so I need to respect whgat he said, even if its not what my LOR said. Unfortunately, not all, but many people in Monsey, dont have this attitude. Instead they have a condisending and "holier than though" attitude and its all about "frummness" on the outside. How everyone else perceives them,how they are frum on the outside, but middos means ziltcho. As long as the boys are good learners and wear the "peinguin" attire, they are the frummest people around. But being good/kind people (to everyone, Jews and non- Jews), dosent matter at all. I guess they tend to forget why the second Beit Hamikdash was destroyed!!!!!!!!!!!

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  33. I know the parking lot in question, and I still think you are making a big deal out of nothing.

    Is it illegal to stand in a fire zone? Could be, but everyone does it. Is jaywalking illegal? Could be, but everyone does it. You have to learn how to chill out.

    Lastly, being 22 does not make you an 'adult'. Sorry. It doesn't have to do with the fact that you can vote. There is a certain maturity level that needs to be reached, and from the looks of this post, it has not yet been reached. Maybe I'm wrong, but your post doesn't add maturity to my impression of you.

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  34. Moshe, dont judge people's maturity level by their blogs. I can write extremely eloquently, facisiously, and polysyllabically at times. In other cases, such as during a raving Anti-Monsey act, I might decide to throw in words such as poo-poo.

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  35. Moshe - Is it illegal to stand in a fire zone? Could be, but everyone does it. Is jaywalking illegal? Could be, but everyone does it. You have to learn how to chill out.

    I think that's exactly the wrong attitude. "Everyone does it" is a terrible, terrible excuse. I don't think that people care all that much if we jaywalk when it doesn't affect anybody or anything; Mordy's problem with the lady in this post seems to be that she "she's completely selfish and being a nuisance to the simple flow of 7-11 parking lot traffic and how she's not the only one in a rush before Shabbos".

    Do I care if someone jaywalks? Does MordyS? I don't think so - unless it has a negative ripple effect on everyone else, such as jaywalking against the light when a car is coming, or randomly crossing the street in the face of oncoming traffic. Do I care if someone parks in the firelane for a second, when there's no effect on people getting by and there's no danger? No. Does MordyS? My guess is no. But if it's blocking the ability of every car to get by, as it does at that 7/11, then yes - I *do* have a problem with it.

    People need to stop thinking, "Oh, what's the big deal, everyone does it." "Oh, what's the big deal, they'll just go around/make do." What's the big deal!? How about taking the extra few seconds and making the effort to be considerate of others?!

    It's ridiculous that people don't mind slightly inconveniencing everybody around them for their own slight convenience.

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  36. I LOVED this post!!It sums up exactly what I've been wanting to write about for some time. Frum people who think they're G-d's gift to humanity, and the world just owes them everything. Do you think they just don't get any respect at home, so that they are just trying to prove themselves to everyone else, by being the fastest and most aggressive on the road? Or are they just plain stupid?

    When I was younger I lived in a very MO community. During elementary school I moved to a more "yeshivish" community. I really, REALLY hate making generalizations, but I have to say, that we all were in for a major culture shock. The community is beautiful, really, but we have found that the "yeshivish" community, just seemed to want to "cheat" their way through life. It was really strange to us. For example, when I was in seventh grade, like all girls that age, we lived at the mall. I started noticing, that my friends were constantly returning clothing. Clothing that they have already worn a few times. With the tags on. Yep. They kept the tags on, so that after a few times they can return the clothes and "borrow" some more. Thinking that this was normal, I decided to try it once. Boy, did my mom blow a fuse. She's 100% right. It's just that these people think it's the norm. That's only one example. Parking in the fire lane, is another. You think if a police came to them, and asked them to move, they would listen right away? Fat chance.

    Sorry for ranting like this, but it's really been bothering me since I can remember, and this post definitely made me want to say my piece.

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  37. For example, when I was in seventh grade, like all girls that age, we lived at the mall. I started noticing, that my friends were constantly returning clothing. Clothing that they have already worn a few times. With the tags on. Yep. They kept the tags on, so that after a few times they can return the clothes and "borrow" some more.

    ARGH. That idea bothers me so much, I get upset just seeing tags on things that we bought. I remember once when Serach was wearing something and didn't realize the tag was on - I went a bit nuts, afraid that she might do the same (by accident, later on, because the tag was on). That practice disgusts me, and I remember my sister was always bothered by it as well in HS.

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  38. "If the person in front of you hasn't gone yet, don't honk! Wait a few measly seconds."

    Are you sure you don't live in Israel? You know, the land where the person behind you honks at you a few seconds BEFORE the light even turns green :-) One of my pet peeves......

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  39. ezzie-I'm glad someone is here with me. It always drove me nuts!
    rr-In Israel the traffic light goes red,yellow,green. You are allowed to drive on the yellow before it hits the green. Just so you know.

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  40. B"EH I'm going to Monsey on the 26th!

    where should we make the BBQ?

    (7/11 has always been a pain to park in- ever since it opened; I was there!)

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  41. I was parked at a red light in BP one day and while i was waiting for a light I got hit in the rear by a Jew. Did he not see the red light? My wife gets mad that i overuse the term DWO (Driving while Orthodox) but i have never been in an orthodox neighborhood without seing the majority of cars with dents all over them

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  42. I don't know what bbq kasamba was talking about, but you're all welcome to come bbq at my house! (but it's byob)

    And according to Moshe, you'd think RenReb was like 5 years old. I mean, I didn't say cocky-head once in the entire rant!

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  43. RR - Hehe. Israel has more Jews... :)

    Kasamba - You're bringing the steaks? I'm in! (You couldn't come like 2 weeks later, when we'll be in Monsey all week!?)

    FWQ - Heh. That's pretty sad, but funny...

    Mordy - I'll steal yours. :)

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