Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Parents: Break the Cycle [Shidduchim]

There has been a low hubbub lately, much of it keyed around the posts of Sephardi Lady, Harry Maryles, & now Brooklyn Wolf (two excellent bloggers who I wish would post more), regarding the money negotiations that surround shidduchim. They all cover the subject better than I can, so check out their posts, but I found this comment by HappyWithHisLot on Wolf's blog to sum it up perfectly:
This is how my father dealt with shidduchim:
"I paid for their education so they can get a job.
I will pay half of a wedding and the rest is up to the couple."

All of his sons and daughters were treated the same.

We worked, we got our own furniture, we paid the rent.

That is exactly how it will be with my children i"yh

Todays parents are negotiating with terrorist, in my opinion. And all they get for their efforts is even more complaints that the poor spoiled children are getting what they idiot friends are.

Like my wife likes to say, children think they are owed everything. We are here to break that cycle of dependancy.
Amen. As an aside, in my family, we actually generally paid for our own post-high school education, too, though my parents helped us to get scholarships and the like. I think that's the way it should be, especially for graduate schools. The government gives out (very well-structured) loans for a reason.

As another aside, most of my friends at least - even those who "get help" - are also working as much as they can and are as independent as possible. Those who get some support are very appreciative of their generous parents/in-laws, and try their best to minimize that which they receive, essentially taking the bare minimum even when they really could use a bit more (and could easily get it). And that's the way it should be.