Friday, July 27, 2007


This post is not about me, nor about you. It's something that someone said to me recently that rang very true, and the truthfulness of it has been reinforced to me by many people recently.

A friend wrote to me recently, saying that they've realized two very important things from their recent experiences:
"Now I know how absolutely important it is for someone to feel a) not lonely; b) like they are being respected by people around them."
I think that the key to both comes from understanding. Unless you understand someone, it's hard to respect them; and more seriously, one of the biggest drives people have in life is to not be lonely - and people feel lonely when they are misunderstood, but not at all when they are understood.

I don't know how to weigh being understood against all the other factors that matter, but I think that's it's one of the biggest keys - in life, in marriage, in respect. Find someone who understands you - really understands you. If they do, a lot of the rest becomes doable.


  1. This reminds me of something that I think you or other bloggers have posted about before and that's finding people that 'get' you. That helps with understanding and feeling less alone.

    (Obviously not everyone is the same so if you don't quite get someone (due to different backgrounds, experiences etc) then effort has to be made to attempt to see things from their position, from their shoes.)

  2. did someone said marriage?

  3. "Now I know how absolutely important it is for someone to feel a) not lonely; b) like they are being respected by people around them."

    That was the most difficult thing for me with the Orthodox community as my beliefs evolved away from Orthodox doctrine. People not only didn't understand; they didn't want to understand.

    I've long maintained that the Orthodox Judaism community is great -- possibly the best -- as long as you fit in. If you don't fit in -- if you cannot believe, if you're gay, if you're just not an intellectual in some communities or if you're a female intellectual in others -- it pretty much sucks.

  4. I completely agree with this post. It's so difficult sometimes because people don't always express when they understand you or when they don't and you never know when someone is thinking about you or not, or how people think of you, so in that way, it's so easy to feel lonely or misunderstood simply because people haven't given you a reason not to feel that way.

  5. Loneliness sucks, and being misunderstood is a big contributor to loneliness. It's not the only cause, though...