Life, Like History, Repeats Itself

One of the nice aspects of having had a blog for a number of years is the ability to look back and recall what was going on, what happened, and how we felt about everything through various periods. I was curious to read what I'd written in prior years around Yom Kippur, if anything, as I am aware of the near preachy tone that can come across in such posts. At the same time, there can often be much meaning, particularly to myself, knowing what was meant then and especially now looking back, being able to view it from the present.

When I glanced back, I was struck by how apropos is the (ironically titled) post Apropos & Thank You from just before Yom Kippur in 2008. Admittedly, this year was probably a bit more difficult than that one, for a variety of reasons beyond anyone's control or knowledge - and similarly, there was only so much anyone could have done for us even if they were aware of it all. But that does not take away from what was written then, which is just as applicable today:

On behalf of Serach and myself, we'd like to wish everyone a g'mar chasima tova and a wonderful year. We'd like to thank all those who made this past year as good as it was; it had the potential to be a very difficult year for us in many ways, yet every time that was the case something would happen, someone would help us out, in ways that we will never truly be able to express our gratitude for. Often, we hear and see an understandable and important emphasis and focus on the big issues, the large gestures, and the need to focus on one's own self first - and those certainly do usually come first. But those who can and have done the little things, who have taken care of small but important details, and perhaps without even realizing it have tremendously impacted people by their simple care and friendship, thank you. It was without a doubt the little things that have gotten us through these hard times.

Some of you know who you are. Some of you think you know but your humility won't let you admit it to yourselves. There are some who don't even realize what they do, as they take it as a given - or can't fathom how they have helped despite being so far away or having done "so little". And then there are those who think they may have helped in the past but that something has changed. We thank all of you the same from us, and knowing what kind of people you are, many others owe you similar thanks. We hope to be as good to all of you as you have been to us.

As an aside, a person who can take a step back and look at a bigger picture cannot help but see more behind what goes on in day-to-day life, from the positives to the negatives, from the human side to the spiritual side.

May we all be blessed with a year of health, happiness, and hatzlacha.

Amen.

Don P. Design House

It's always great to see friends working really hard at something they're good at, especially as they start overcoming the various hurdles associated with it. One friend who has likely been mentioned previously on this blog has always been a great dresser and designer, ironically married someone who does the same, and now has started manufacturing and selling his own custom shirts for little boys - and other friends have been buying and loving them. Feel free to support him, he's just a great guy - and your sons will look great.

Honeydew & Canteloupe

At shalosh seudos last night, Elianna took a plate and made a pattern with her fruit: Honeydew, cantaloupe, honeydew, cantaloupe... all around the outside of her plate. She then proceeded to stick a pineapple in the center, explaining that it's her friends sitting around a bonfire.

A few minutes later, Serach asked her to eat the fruits on her plate, to which she answered with a distraught voice: "I can't, then I will have no friends left!!!"

...and, we're back!

Random pieces:

• I technically (b'ah) have still never broken a bone in my life, though I am now using crutches for the first time, I believe. I chipped a bone in my ankle playing basketball this week for the Lander Alumni team, right before the playoffs, of course... and possibly holding back the Lander Alumni Board from moving forward since I had to push back a meeting between myself and Touro's controller. Sigh.
• In related news, Percocet is way overrated, and did not help me whatsoever. It did however make me sick tonight.
• Not overrated: The HTC Thunderbolt or Verizon's 4G LTE network. I have a mini-computer in my hand, except it's more powerful than my desktop and faster than my cable internet, and with better apps. This thing literally saves me time (and often money) on a consistent basis.
• Any app recommendations from Android users? In other news, Google owns my life.
• The next two months will be rather crazy, with numerous friends, including some very close ones, moving. Some are moving rather close, while others are moving far... and others are moving far, far, far away. Usually change is more gradual unless you're the one moving. At the same time, many friends and family are having/have had babies, are getting engaged/married, and sadly a couple have seen their relationships/marriages hit a rough spot. Life, eh.
• My fantasy team has been decimated by injuries, so I decided to switch things up to have a shot by taking advantage of our 1,250 innings limit. My starters are now: Lincecum, Halladay, Kershaw, Jimenez, and CJ Wilson while I have Bell, Wilson, Feliz, E.Sanchez, and (DL) Aardsma as my closers (and Gregerson for some good innings). Then again, my lineup now is C Avila, 1B LaPorta, 2B Walker, 3B Gordon, SS A.Gonzalez, CI A.Huff, OF Brantley/Raj.Davis/C.Hart/A.Torres Util C J.Buck/1B B.Wallace (DL Utley/V.Wells). Figure if I can clinch top marks in the pitching categories, and get into good position in steals (now that Davis and Torres are back from the DL) and rebound a bit in average, I can flip the studs in late July/early August for some top power hitters, which combined with Utley and Hart (just off DL) could get me into the pack in R/HR/RBI/Avg - enough to have a shot to win.
• The Indians seem to be for real, what with a solid lineup, and a pitching staff that doesn't walk anyone while eliciting ground ball after ground ball. That's... odd.
• The Browns had a very good draft, the Cavs are hoping the ping-pong balls bounce their way... sports in Cleveland are looking... up?!
• Even when life isn't great, it's always nice to know it's (finally) heading in the right direction. Or at least, a better direction.

EZ Reads 3/12/11

I don't want to focus too much on the tragic and horrifying murders of the Fogel family; others can do so far better than I. Just a few related links, though: Honest Reporting rips the BBC and CNN for their coverage; Arutz-7 shows a video clip of the Fogels discussing how they are enjoying Itamar after being expelled from Gush Katif; and Elder of Ziyon rips Reuters' "coverage".

Elsewhere:

• March Madness starts this week!! If you're interested in joining my NCAA Pool (now in its 12th year!), please email me and I'll send you an invite. If you're looking for places to watch the NCAA Tournament live online, Lifehacker has a nice guide. Note that CBS no longer has the exclusive rights.
• SD has a really moving post about "the friendship that almost never was". It's a good post on perspective.
• Kim Strassel asks if you're ready for unionized airport security - and shows how unions start and end up causing major mistaken priorities down the road. On a related note, here's a hilarious (and often very inappropriate) Twitter feed for "TSAGov". Read the past few months' worth, it's hilarious if sadly on the mark.

A Sense of Community, Perhaps

Recently, we have noticed an interesting phenomenon when talking to some of our friends who are single. It is not necessarily "new", but it has raised some questions and ideas that are worthy of more discussion.

One of Serach's best friends has been planning a move to the New York area, and was discussing various options with us. Her most important desired quality wherever she goes is that there be an "established community" - she does not want to be part of a "singles scene", though having some singles around is nice, but prefers to be around an actual community. She wants to be around families, she wants there to be shiurim and the like available to attend and be a part of, and she wants there to be a sense of stability among the people there.

Meanwhile, a really good friend of mine who is single recently finished his schooling, and decided that rather than move back to the tri-state area, he was going to move back to his hometown and work there (and only three and a half days a week to allow for travel among other things). He is living at home for now, and calculated that even if he moved out and got his own place, his cost-of-living savings would be enough for him to afford to fly into New York every weekend if he so desired, and still come out ahead. As he put it, "Why should I move to New York? So I can live near [Shul X] and be one of hundreds of singles there in the same stupid meat market and kill myself to work and sit in annoying traffic or on dirty subways and have no money left? I'm much happier this way, thanks."

More recently, another friend interviewed for a position in Cleveland. She, too, is single, and asked if there was anyone "young and single" there. I replied "Young, yes; single, some". After spending a weekend in the area, she's apparently considering it strongly enough that another friend tonight was asking me what I thought about her moving there as well. Interestingly, we had just spent the weekend at the Lander Alumni Shabbaton with a lot of friends, and there's a decent possibility that some of our closest friends will be moving to Cleveland soon - on top of the ones that are already there.

I replied to the friend tonight that Cleveland is a great place to live. That said, you don't go there as a Single to be a part of a Singles community, but you go there to be a part of the community. For a single concerned about dating, there is almost certainly a large negative impact which is obvious that comes from moving away from the central hub of New York dating; there's possibly a small positive impact that comes from exposure to new people, to people with different mindsets and approaches to dating and life in general, and just the way those people may be able to help you with dating when they can. Certainly overall from a strictly getting dates perspective, though, moving away from the tri-state area would seem to be a net negative for most people.

But thinking about these various friends and how they would be impacted on a personal level by living away from the tri-state area, I couldn't help but wonder if it still would make sense for them, even as it pertains to dating. There's something - a lot, really - to be said for being happier and feeling more accomplished, and it seems obvious that those traits would positively impact a person as they date. Particularly for those who maybe feel a bit lost in the sea of singles in the New York area, living elsewhere and saving up some money and moving up in life a bit can help someone stand out a bit more both in the world of shidduchim and more importantly, on dates themselves. Rather than being viewed and viewing themselves in the lens of just another guy or girl being stacked against the dozens of people around them, they are able to think of themselves differently, which in turn lets their dates see them differently.

Every time I start to think about this, I can't help but think of my good friend and how he would be viewed versus how he is viewed. If he were here, he'd be just another Jewish guy who does pretty well and you may remember meeting him once. But where he is, he's not just another guy - he's a guy who "everyone knows" is hilarious, who "everyone knows" is tight with his family and great with kids, who "everyone knows" is really personable and on top of all that, "everyone knows" he's also successful and putting away for the future and has a real leg up on life. And "everyone knows" this because everyone knows him. He's a part of the community, just like everyone else.

Perhaps there's something to be said for community; perhaps it's not so crazy for singles to move away from the hubbubs of single-dom and into established communities (whether in New York or outside of it, though I believe it is easier to integrate away from large groups of singles). As another friend said recently, the "shidduch crisis" can affect you regardless. Perhaps having singles who are happy and fulfilled is the best solution of all - after all, even if it's no better than now, at least you're happier and more fulfilled in life.

Perhaps.

Porcelain Unicorn

Hat tip: Aunt Anne/Serach.

Ridley Scott announced Porcelain Unicorn from American director Keegan Wilcox as the winning short film in Philips’ Tell It Your Way film-making contest.

The contest, which received over 600 entries from around the world, invited aspiring filmmakers to create an original short film using the same six-line dialogue as the Cannes Lions award-winning Parallel Lines short films directed by RSA talents Carl Erik Rinsch, Greg Fay, Johnny Hardstaff, Jake Scott and Hi-Sim.

Commenting on his choice of winner, Sir Ridley Scott said: “I chose Porcelain Unicorn to be the winning film as it had a very strong narrative; a very complete story that was well told and executed.”

Storm Before The Calm

"Keep calm and carry on" - from a friend's g-chat status.

The past few months have been tumultuous, to say the least. While I was feeling a bit stressed out after coming home from work for this extended weekend, it was a perfect reminder at the perfect time to log onto my e-mail and see that line sitting there.

A year ago yesterday, I started what was to be a dream job, of sorts - a start-up company, with a successful CEO who had already built a company from nothing into a nationally recognized success, the ability to raise capital easily, and an expansive, exciting idea. The difficult piece would be creating a strong business or finding a successful product that we could market, but with the cushion of capital and the experience available to us, we would be able to pull it off.

Or so it seemed. As the months went by, projects would be started - but not fully funded. Money wasn't available when it needed to be. Employees became cynical as rumors started to circulate, and slowly, things seemed to head downhill, though we would seem to get "saved" just as we were on the brink of complete frustration each time.

And then, we stopped getting saved. Shortly thereafter, we discovered that the prior "success" of our CEO was questionable at best, at worst, criminal. (He immediately became our ex-CEO.) Money we had raised was gone, likely never to be recovered. Suddenly, we were all living on a prayer.

After a couple of days of feeling bad for ourselves, we had to refocus and move forward - or shut down. And the decision was extremely difficult: Our money was gone, and the constant promises to pay us back the money we were owed were completely empty. On the other hand, while originally we had looked to find a product to sell, now we had created a product (actually a service) that was not just successful - but replicable, and viable for sale. We had lost our cushion, but we had something real.

We decided to move forward anyway. We had to make the extremely difficult decision to cut all non-essential personnel - resulting in the layoffs of about twenty-five people, including some very close friends (one sang me down at my wedding, another was in my class in high school and was my roommate at one point in Israel) and all of them good people. We were able to raise just enough money and work hard enough to get out our corporate filing just in time, put together a fantastic business plan, and have recently started presenting it to potential investors, with even more positive feedback than we'd hoped. (In a funny twist, one commented almost angrily that our projections were "too conservative" and that we should "up them". On a similar parenthetical note, every single one of the vendors whom we work with on our branding, technology, software integration - and so on - have expressed their belief that not only will we raise the money, but that we have a "tremendous business model" and will be "a great success". Their patience and support has been incredibly encouraging and nothing short of astounding.)

Raising capital is possibly one of the most stressful activities a person can do. Even when you know (as well as anyone can "know" anything) that what you have will be successful, getting others to believe the same is difficult in a world where people are raised to be rightfully skeptical. Thankfully, our model is clear and straightforward, and we were in a way surprised at just how many people who are investors, even those not in our field, who came over to us at a conference to congratulate us on what they believed to be a strong model and wishing us luck moving forward. We are now in the midst of discussing potential deals with investors of all different backgrounds, each bringing different structures and different potential assets, whether franchising experience (we're developing a franchise), chemical background (tying into a proprietary product of ours), financial experience (for advisory purposes), or other skills to the table which can work strongly to our advantage, and hopefully we'll either combine pick the ones that work the best for us both in the long-term and for now.

Until it happens, though, it's quite stressful - as one of our partnering vendors said, "I've had to raise capital before - it always takes just a little bit longer than you want it to." Amen.

Keep calm and carry on - or as my sister-in-law likes to say, "Let go and let God." Good advice.

Time to have a relaxing Shabbos.

Whirlwind Month (,Trip,) & Who Wants Lunch!?

It's been a bit of a crazy month, and it's about to get a lot crazier. Life has included rushing to get out my company's annual financial statements* - for not just one but two years, one and a half of which I wasn't there for; the Intuit Town Hall meeting on personal finance where I was asked to join as a panelist (full replay here); Chana and her chassid got engaged, DGEsq's wife had twin girls, FrumDoc & FFW had a baby boy; GS got engaged; Moshe helped our Lander Alumni pull off an amazing dinner, and as of last Thursday, we decided that I will in fact head to Israel for my best friend Shragi's wedding, scrambled to get tickets and passports that day... and I'm leaving tomorrow... and I'm bringing 23-month old Kayla with me for the week-long trip. Oh - and I have to put out the next quarter's financial statements by May 17th.

Anyway, who wants to meet up in Israel (Jerusalem area, most probably) for lunch or dinner this week? {Bonus! It might be with Jameel, too!} :) While I still don't know my full itinerary, I'll have a bit of flexibility in between visiting all my cousins and aunt and family friends and of course, the aufruf and wedding of my dear friend Shragi [the author of the "Well Waddaya Know..." trivia series on SerandEz based primarily on his forensic psychology studies].

So - who's in? E-mail me at serandez at gmail.com!

* - more on that later.

Long Distance

Thank God, Serach and I have lots of friends. While this can sometimes place people into situations where they have many friends, but none close enough for when times demand or call for it, we are also blessed with some absolutely incredible close friends whom we can call and rely on whenever and for whatever necessary and who will always do what they can for us just as we would do for them. Even among those friends, however, there are always friends who simply are above and beyond the rest.

Last week, I was forced to think about one such friendship and couldn't help but be saddened. Eight, nine years ago, when I was in Israel, a close friend of mine turned into a rock of friendship that, during one of the most difficult periods of my life, helped keep me sane, positive, religious, and helped turn around my life and direction in ways that even some of the closest people in my life may never really understand.

When I visited this friend about a year later, I was dismayed to find that a difficult accident had completely changed this friend's plans and altered their life in ways they didn't want to acknowledge, yet attacked with a vengeance. As always, though, they simply adapted to yet another difficult circumstance and moved on, acting as if there was nothing in their way and there would be nothing to stop them. My friend is nothing if not tough - perhaps too tough, sometimes - but there is no such thing as giving up and no such thing as giving in.

A year or so later, I finally was able to introduce my friend to Serach - to show her who this great friend who would do whatever was necessary was. Within minutes, they were kindred spirits (perhaps mostly because they could make fun of me together, but kindred nonetheless), and our next task was to return some of the favor by helping this friend plan out the next few years of their life through all of the difficulties they had and would come across. On the flip side, meanwhile, this friend once again became a rock - to me, to Serach, to us, to our kids, to our family... even to some of our friends.

It is hard to put in words what it means to be reliable. Some people don't even bother trying to be; some people say they will be, but too often fail; some try, and sometimes they fail; some try and try and once in a while come up short; and some are just... there. The friend who will run halfway across a neighborhood because someone is outside your door claiming they have a knife with your wife and baby inside and you're not picking up your phone because you're in class - that's reliable. The friend who will (without you knowing) babysit when she's supposed to be going out with friends because she knows you really need it - that's reliable. The one who can walk into your home and make up a whole meal for everyone because people are sick - that's reliable. The one who will stay up all night helping you unpack boxes to move into your new place even though they haven't slept in a day themselves and have class in the morning - that's reliable. The one whom you can trust every damn day no matter what with anything, the one who you can talk to about anything and know that they'll get it and keep it to themselves - that's reliable. The one who knows when you're full of bull and there's something seriously wrong and has no problem calling you on it - plus, they've already figured out what happened and are already doing what they can for you, even though they're moving away that week - that's freaking reliable. (And it's horrifyingly sad to know that you weren't nearly as good of a friend to them as they were to you, to know that you weren't always there for them when they needed it, to know that you were like this even though they would always be there for you even when they really couldn't afford to be. It's so, so bad, and I'm so, so, so sorry.)

Friends like this don't come around often, and when they're there, as much as you might try to avoid it, you start to take them for granted. You take them so for granted and rely on them so much that when they ask your advice again a few years later, you have to force yourself to give the advice that is best for them, and not for you and what would help you. And when they finally decide on their plans, it is all you can do to not burst into tears - both of incredible happiness at what they've accomplished and that they're moving on to the rest of their life, and of intense sadness that they're leaving and how that will impact you, your wife, and your kids and all they rely on and all they feel.

Perhaps the hardest part when a friend leaves is when you know that it might be a while until you see them. You don't want to have a "goodbye", because it's not - and saying so only reinforces that you're not going to see them. When my friend called from the airport, after a tearful goodbye with Serach and the girls while I was at work, I couldn't even bring myself to say goodbye - I didn't even want to talk, knowing that I'm far more likely to keep in touch if I don't. (Of course, I probably came off as rude, uncaring, and distant/not paying attention as always to this friend - sigh.)

Instead of saying goodbye, as I got off the phone, I said simply "Have a safe trip, we'll talk to you soon. And we're really going to miss having you here all the time." As always, nothing else needed to be said - our friend understood just as always.

If you've ever been to our home, you've met our friend, and undoubtedly felt her impact on our lives, and really, on your own. We owe a debt of gratitude which we'll never be able to repay, but have a friendship that we will never fail to appreciate, even if we have sometimes failed to show that appreciation over the years.

Rivka T. - we love you, we miss you, and we better see you soon.

Quote of the Day: Priorities

Princess D'Tiara:

Don't make people in your life a priority when they only make you an option.

Principles of Management

...because it always was my favorite class. (V'hamaven yavin)

Being in somewhat of a management position is a fascinating study of people in general and individuals in specific. What is particularly amazing is how easy it is to group people into types; someone remarked to me recently that there's a management philosophy that argues there are only four types of employees, and proceeded to list what they were. It was surprising how accurate those groupings were. A few notes I've made in the last few months on the job:

• The people who everyone assumes are most averse to criticism are typically the least averse. The ones who assume are typically the most.
• There is a dramatic split between those who take discussions related to work personally, and those who are able to completely separate themselves from the work in order to problem solve.
• It is amazing how much one person can set a company back by simply not following up on the tasks they're assigned, and more amazing that even after some of those responsibilities are taken away, they still just won't focus enough on what's left, losing out on great opportunities to prove themselves for some short-term fun.
• There's a surprising amount of hypocrisy among people who complain about how others around them act, and fail to see that they often act exactly the same way.
• People who fight through their differences turn into stronger workers than those who sugarcoat them, nod and pretend they don't exist, or otherwise avoid dealing with issues they have with one another.
  
• A well-placed line is a far more effective critique than a 10-minute talk.
• A well-placed comment and thank you is a far more appreciated compliment than a big pump-up talk and thank you.
• Management involves a lot of delegation; it does not and should not result in only delegation. Most of management work involves reading, studying, and preparing; the rest is rolling up your sleeves and actually working. Those who don't understand this or are unwilling to do it will never move up further and the people under them will end up passing them by.
• Another key to management is believing in the people below you, showing them as much, understanding their strengths and how to focus them, and directing them appropriately. It is surprising how many people focus on what the people below them can't do instead of on what they can.
  
• The best way to get something across is via a headfake. (V'hamaven yavin)
• There is always something to do. There's no such thing as waiting: Prepare for the next step, push what you can to the edge and show it's ready to go, show that you're prepared for all the steps ahead, and if all else fails, find another project to start on. Or of course, go help someone else on their project.
• People hate being sat on. Of course, those are the same people who don't work unless someone is sitting on them, however much they think the opposite is true. This is one of the most difficult things to show a person.
  
• Perhaps the most difficult part of management is when you're dealing with factors that are not meant for staff, but they are pressing (properly) to move forward or to do things a certain way but you have to hold them back anyway. Balancing doing what's right but still maintaining that trust and reliability is almost impossible, yet necessary. To some extent, you're forced to rely on their ability to look back later and understand why you did something a certain way even if now they're going to be upset and frustrated. This is especially true when you're trying to also keep everyone motivated and positive.
  
• Working with (and being forced to manage) friends and neighbors comes with a ridiculous set of difficulties, multiplying everything above by an incredible factor.
• Managing people who are substantially older and who have many years of experience comes with another set of difficulties, but it's surprisingly far less of an issue than one might expect. Perhaps this comes from some of the advantages of an older generation: They are more likely to work regardless of what they like or dislike, they are far less likely to be distracted with other things (especially online), and they are far more cognizant of what is and isn't appropriate. They also recognize better where their strengths and weaknesses lie and are happier to pass along responsibility they're not comfortable with to others while taking ownership of the areas where they are.
• There are some people who love to step up when things are rough or need to get done; there are others who love to step up when things are going well and take things to another level. But it's the people who step up when everything is just plain old normal who are the most valuable to a company: They make sure that things never get rough, and they create the opportunities for things to go well.
• One of the interesting aspects of management is demonstrating to people what their strengths and weaknesses are - not necessarily so much to work on the weaknesses as to focus on the strengths and utilize them appropriately. Better to have lots of people who are good at specific tasks than lots of people who are okay at everything.
• Basic psychology courses would probably be advantageous for people to take prior to managing. Advanced psychology courses could sometimes also be helpful. (V'hamaven yavin)

Those are the thoughts off the top of my head in the middle of two nights; feel free to add more.

Movin' Groovin'

On Sunday, I received a call from one of my best friends in the world, Groovin'. We talked for about three minutes. Last night, I tried reaching him quickly after a Lander Alumni Council meeting to see if I could catch him, but it was too late. The next time I speak to him, he'll have fulfilled one of his lifelong dreams: Become an olah. {Shortly thereafter, he'll fulfill another one which the rest of us have joked about for a decade: Live in a caravan.}

I'm hoping to catch the Nefesh B'Nefesh video of his charter flight tonight, but I know already that I'm going to find it more than a little surreal. For some reason, it just doesn't click that he, his amazing wife, and their two beautiful little girls have somehow pulled this off and are really going through with this - even though we've all known for years that if there was going to be someone to do it first it would be him. I'll never forget a conversation we had during our first year in Israel, when I asked him if perhaps he was moving a little too fast; his response to me was simply, "I don't know, it's possible. But perhaps you're moving a little too slow?" Once again, Groovin' is calmly moving ahead in life, taking the next step confidently but carefully, knowing exactly what he's doing and what to do if he hits a point where he doesn't.

~~~

Growing up in Cleveland, I didn't actually know Groovin' all that well during our early years. He was in a different (more charedi) school until 7th grade, and when he came to the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland, he immediately took geek status with his long lanky frame and propensity to talk to himself in class. But by 8th grade, I was sitting behind him every morning on the window side of the classroom, with Deep Throat in front of him and L'il Jason to his left. By the middle of the year, we'd all settled on attending WITS for high school, and over the years, we all - along with DGEsq - became incredibly close. Groovin' and I roomed together in both our junior and senior years in WITS before moving on to OJ for our first year in Israel. Ironically, OJ was never originally in my plans; there had been another Clevelander two years ahead of us in WITS who had attended OJ a couple of years before, and one of my rabbeim surprisingly (to me) suggested that based on his success there, I would get a lot out of it as well. That strong and strong-willed young man who had grown up right near him was also extremely close to Groovin', and I'm sure that played a role in his coming to OJ as well.

After OJ, we both moved on to Lander. A couple of years later, I was married, and Groovin' was enjoying his times in Lander, in no rush to date. DeepThroat had come back to Lander to study, Li'l Jason was finishing up YU and had moved to Kew Gardens Hills, and DGEsq had gotten married and lived down the block. For the first time, all five of us lived within 3 minutes of one another, and it was awesome. A short while later, though, Groovin' "ruined" it, going out with our OJ predecessor's sister and of course, marrying her {on Super Bowl Sunday, no less!} and moving back to Cleveland. Groovin' then developed an incredible series of spreadsheets to help track all their expenses so they could start saving money and I believe he utilized that to start putting away for them to make aliyah. [As an aside, it was seeing the detail on those spreadsheets which helped spurn the Jewish Economics Survey, and Groovin's actuarial background has helped in its development. Of course, his spreadsheets were quickly made obsolete by Mint.com.]

Even with them moving, it's nice to be living in the 21st Century. Between Skype and Gmail and all the other technology we have today, odds are good that we'll be in better touch than we were even when they were living in Cleveland. It doesn't feel like they're moving to a place where we'll never see them; it's more of a feeling of "it's going to be a little harder to drop in on them than it used to be..."

I'm not sure why I'm writing this; perhaps I think that somehow this will make it click that he's really making aliyah as I'm doing this. It's odd - while it's impossible to imagine them making aliyah, it's also impossible to imagine them not making aliyah. This is such a core essence of who they are and what they're intended to do in this world. Groovin' and Classy and their girls are to a large extent the epitome of what NbN wants and what Israel needs: Bright, dedicated, reliable, amazing people who are starting out and who will help build the country in whatever way they can. That's just who they are.

If you're awake, take a few minutes and watch the NbN charter flight land. It's incredibly emotional even if you don't know a soul making the trip. In addition to Groovin's family, I believe we know at least one other family on this flight. Watch the people step off that plane and step onto the ground with that welcoming crowd... it's incredible to see. Who knows? Maybe you'll see Groovin'.

He's kind of hard to miss.

Time

I think that one of the most difficult parts of life to relate to others in is time.

Throughout life, we go through countless different stages. Each stage of life brings with it its own set of limitations, chief among those often being time. One of the reasons people suddenly find it easier or harder to relate to others in general is when they've gone through the same situation; this is as true when it comes to time as it does to so many other aspects of life.

What is often difficult for a person is when they switch stages of life and the amount of time they have suddenly changes dramatically. A person who had plenty of busy time and suddenly find him or herself with a lot of free time can be overwhelmed, and start to feel down as they can't seem to fill the time. Another person might be thrilled to have all the free time. On the flip side, a person who had a nice amount of free time may find it hard to adjust to having so little - whether because they have so much to do in that free time as they're accustomed to, or because they simply aren't used to having so much busy time in general.

Beyond the person whose time has suddenly changed are those who know this person: Friends, family, other workers... When a person is used to their friend being in a certain stage of life with a certain amount of time available, they can take for granted their ability to call their friend up and talk, invite him or her out, or the like. When that changes, it can be as hard if not harder on a person's friends and family as it is on the person her or himself.

It's interesting to see this phenomenon repeat itself at so many stages of life: As people move from elementary school to high school, high school to college, college to the working world, single to dating to being engaged to getting married to having kids, from being employed to being unemployed to being employed again... You'll often find that people who have already gone through or are simultaneously going through those same changes understand that change in time on top of the other changes so much more easily. Those who have yet to really face those often have a much more difficult time adjusting.

How often does a person hear someone complain about a friend who suddenly seems to "disappear" when they get engaged? (I've done this complaining recently.) For the person who got engaged, they're simply unaccustomed to the sudden reduction in available time. For their friends, it's weird that their friend is suddenly unavailable. Neither side is "wrong" - it just is.

Geez

Random thoughts, comments, funny stories:

• The old adage is that "Time flies when you're having fun." On the other hand, time seems to just disappear when a lot is going on. Just to think back a month or so, I gave that first presentation on the Jewish Economics Survey May 6th. Only yesterday did I realize that that was only a month ago - it felt as if it were three or four months ago, as so much has happened since then.
• SerandEz is now an international stopover point. This morning I drove my Israeli cousin to La Guardia for his flight to Chicago; later today I'll be dropping ~Sarah~ from Australia at JFK for her flight to Los Angeles. Between that and our own travels (this past weekend to Harrisburg, yesterday to Brooklyn, next week to LA for Serach, Philadelphia and Baltimore for me), it just feels like the world is in this nice little whirlwind.
• Two of my closest friends got engaged yesterday (Yeah!!!!!), which really leaves me with very few single male friends. Meanwhile, we know a large number of really great single females. One common refrain we've heard from (and said on occasion to) friends of ours is that even among the guys we know, there are very few we'd be willing to set up. It's sad, really. But at least I get to enjoy watching these guys go! It's crazy to think how long I've known each - 23 and 8 years. That's a long time.
  
• Great story:

  Elianna: ~Sarah~ is with her brutha.
  Erachet: Brother.
  Elianna: Brutha.
  Erachet: BrothER.
  Elianna: Broth...er?

  Accents are great.

Quite (and Quote) the Weekend

It was quite the weekend...! We think it was Elianna's favorite weekend with almost all her favorite people: SJ and Erachet visited us for Shabbos, J&S (and for the first time, our friendly sometime lurker Shosh!) came over Friday night, RivkaT stopped by, we were late for a kiddush for D&E before their upcoming move away, ate at Pobody's Nerfect & Shake for lunch, had a dessert at D&E where it seemed a nice chunk of our friends were, and then hosted shalosh seudos for a bunch more, including Rea and Xvi.*

Oh, and: My brother and SIL had a baby boy on Shabbos (Mazel Tov!!!), Kayla's birthday was Friday, I got a job, and we had parties galore it seemed.

All in all, it was nice, exciting, exhausting, and nothing compared to what next week will probably be like in terms of hecticity. This is niece/nephew #17 for us (#8 on my side), and mother and baby are bH doing well. Ben, Hen, and Shen are super excited about their new baby brother!

And of course, there's never a dull moment, so here are some of the best quotes from another great Shabbos:

Serach: What's Daddy's favorite color?
Elianna: E!

Elianna (rambling about a story she's making up as she goes along) "...I made a cupcake."
SJ: What was in it?
Elianna: Vanilla... and ice cream... and blue!

Older gentleman on way home from shul, as we walked past heading toward a kiddush: {smiling} "Are you going in the right direction?"
Ezzie: {smiles} Yes, I am. Perhaps you are going in the wrong direction?
Older gentleman: No, I'm going in the right direction as well. Isn't it something that two people going in opposite directions can both still be headed in the right direction?
Ez - I just love that one.

* Later, we got ice cream, although we did not have a hot chocolate ending.

Post-Graduation Thoughts

More than any other schooling experience, my time at Stern has been a real journey. Through the teachers, the classes, and friends both in and out of school, I have been molded, and perhaps molded myself, into a richer, more mature, more self-assured person.

One of the first things I've had to learn was not to compare myself to anyone else. Someone else's success is not my failure. In fact, it has nothing at all to do with me, even if I did not "get" whatever the other person "got." Regardless of what any other person gets or how far any other person goes in any pursuit, I can only get as far and do as well as my efforts and talents allow.

The more you look at what other people are doing in comparison to what you are doing, the more negative feelings you will conjure up towards that other person. Trust me, it's not at all worth it. Feeling those things won't change anything. All it will do is make you frustrated and annoyed at both the other person and yourself. You'll resent the other person for doing well and you'll resent yourself for not performing to your potential and for feeling resentful towards your friend.

Yeah, it's frustrating not to get as good a grade as you want, especially if a friend does better than you in school. It's disappointing, and even somewhat depressing, to wish to get chosen for something and get passed over in favor of your friend. Such things bring competition into places where there should be none. But when such things happen, instead of looking at yourself and feeling resentful about all you're lacking, it's good to realize that you do have talents and that you have a lot more to go in order to reach your potential.

On that note, you always have the chance to grow more in your talents and stretch out your hand farther towards your potential. A grade is not a brand marking you forever as the limit of your abilities. There is always room and opportunity to strive for higher accomplishments. So you don't succeed today. That's okay. There's always tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year. Or even the next decade. Today might be someone else's moment, but one day it will be yours, too.

Something else I learned is to stand behind my own words. After all, if I don't stand by myself, who will? If I don't feel confident in what I'm saying, why should anyone take me seriously? Or believe in my ability to get anywhere or accomplish anything? If I write disclaimers before all my stories, it means I don't believe in my own writing! Am I going to be afraid of showing myself to the world forever? Or am I going to stand up and be confident that my opinions count, too, and that they're just as valid as anyone else's?

Sometimes people say things about you that aren't necessarily true or super accurate. Sometimes you even say things about yourself that aren't exactly accurate just to please or pacify someone else. But why should you? Why shouldn't you stand true to who you are?

I'm pretty intimidated about leaving the safety of school and stepping out into the "real" world. No matter what anyone says about the difference between the different stages of schooling (elementary, high school, college) or how on your own you are throughout school, there is always, always, always a difference between being in school and not being in school anymore. School is a place we all know by heart. We are all experts on The System. We can hold that system in our hands and mold it like clay to fit our needs. It's a system we've run around in, tripped over, and learned to balance just right. We know where all the lines are and just how far to push them. We know where we stand when we're in school - any school.

But I don't know the system outside of school. I don't know what is expected of me, where the lines are, or if I can even push them a centimeter. School is like a maze that we can feel our way through instinctively until, suddenly, it is not a maze any longer but a series of passages - some that are well known and some that are secret only to ourselves.

The outside world, to me, does not seem like a series of passages at all. From afar, it looks like a vast, seamless ocean of...a lot going on. There are new rules, new lines. It's a totally new game. I feel like I'm being pushed into the middle of a game of capture the flag and I haven't even been told who's on what team.

But the thing is, when you don't know the rules, if you know yourself then that's at least a start. If you don't know yourself or what you're getting into, that's tricky. Then you could be completely molded by whatever choices you make. Of course, you're always going to be somewhat colored by the environment you're in, but having a strong idea of who you are, what you like, what you believe in, what you approve of, what you wish to stay away from...that can help bring some direction, probably. At least - then you won't lose yourself in the vastness of possibilities that are out there. Or, it makes me feel better about it, anyway.

One last thing I'd like to write about here is facing the world with a positive attitude. I have so many friends who either always seem to be in a good mood or who don't let bad things bring them down. I admire them so much for this. Something I'm really working on is not letting things get to me, or get to me enough that it ruins my whole positive perspective on life. I really believe that if you face the world with a smile, the world will smile back. It's just something I have to learn how to do better.

Anyway, I don't mean for this post to hit anyone over the head with lessons. These are merely things that I have found valuable, but of course each person is different and each will find different kinds of inspiration and different ways to bring meaning and purpose into their lives.

And no, that was not a disclaimer. :P

(Originally posted here.)

How To Act

Via Neil Harris' Sunday Sparks of Mussar:

Rav Nosson Zvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka

The first resolution that R' Nosson Zvi wrote down in his diary was "to try to be extremely careful of my fellowman's honor, with patience, with a soft answer, never once to get excited... not to embarrass anyone in public... to find ways daily, at the very least weekly, of benefiting my friends."

Values

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."
~ Maimonodies (Rambam)

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
~ C. S. Lewis

On a slightly different note, these two videos were fantastic. The first is Evelyn Glennie on How to listen to music with your body, which is obviously about a lot more than that; not only is she a fascinating speaker and a great percussionist, she's deaf, which likely has helped her be able to understand and explain the ideas so well. The second is Keith Barry, and is just cool.

Words, Words, Words

We watched this short clip in my speech class today.

Sometimes it's not about what you say but about how you say it. You may not think you've said anything wrong, but innocent words can still be hurtful if said in an insensitive way. On the flip side, harsh words can sometimes be easier to swallow for the listener if said with care.