EZ Reads 3/9/11

Happy engagiversary to Serach and me! I've updated the tabs at the top (which I will try to make more noticeable in the near future) to include and be up to date on the various series that are ongoing on this blog. If you would like to read through any major series, those are the best places to start. Some fun links today:

• Following up on their previous analysis, The New York Times determines that American Jews lead the happiest lives of all Americans. Brilliant first comment on the article (just saw it was removed!): Sure, most of them are happy, but those other 30%, boy can they complain!
• Mishpacha has a very good article this week explaining charter schools and how they can (and usually have not) impacted Orthodox schools and yeshivos. Excerpt:

  Unlike the situation in Brooklyn and East Brunswick, Florida’s Ben Gamla charter school network has attracted a solid Jewish majority in its student body, and the system is growing by leaps and bounds. Following the Hollywood branch’s popularity, Ben Gamla schools were opened in nearby Plantation (in 2009) and Miami Beach (in 2010). There is an independent after-school religious studies program available to students throughout the Ben Gamla network.
  
  However, even these schools’ success comes at a limited cost to local frum institutions. Sources familiar with the makeup of the school’s student body estimate that only about 5 percent of Ben Gamla students are from frum homes. Currently, the four-year-old network’s Jewish students are primarily either non-Orthodox, who would otherwise have attended public school or Conservative or non-denominational Jewish day schools; or special-needs students who require costly services not subsidized in private schools.

  The article is in this week's Mishpacha, which you can subscribe to here.
• Did you hear? The Maccabeats came out with a new video for Purim! (Yes, I heard about 100 times.) Admittedly, Uri Westrich put together another good one - great job sticking with themed jokes, like the sombrero and the dripping jelly.
• Chana realizes there is a difference between compassion and understanding, and publicity and support, when it comes to homosexuality in the Orthodox community.
• Finally! xkcd pokes fun at ads which say things like "Sales of up to 15% - or more!" So... you mean you have sales going on at various percentages below and above 15%? Why not just pick any number below the max percentage discount so it sounds bigger? Do people really suck this bad at math? This always frustrated me.
• Michael Medved has a great piece in today's Wall Street Journal decrying the propensity of Republicans to label Obama as a radical/extremist. This trait is especially true in the Orthodox Jewish community, and it doesn't do anybody any favors. Medved notes that realizing that Obama's views are rather mainstream Democrat is important if the GOP wishes to win the next election.
• Finally, an old neighbor from Cleveland who is absolutely hilarious has a number of videos doing various impressions of all types of people. Her latest is up on YouTube and has already picked up 11,000+ views, so I feel like it's okay to put it on the blog this time:
  
  
  I wish some of her other stuff would go up, too - she's just really, really funny.

EZ Reads 3/2/11 (Batch two)

I want to write up a few posts, so rather than save these for tomorrow I'll put them up this evening and post more tomorrow.

• Chana asks if camp should be considered a luxury item, as discussed on the Bergen Cty. Tuition blog. My vote: Yes. No matter how great camp is, it's not a necessity.
• Muqata reports that R' Nosson Tzvi Finkel sent everyone out of shiur to report to government inspectors as mandated, noting that the State is the yeshiva's biggest supporter.
• A Soldier's Mother hopes that air raid sirens will always be viewed as not normal, and hopes for a day without them. She also shows a beautiful video on Israel - well worth the five minutes.
• The WSJ questions why we would rush into ObamaCare before seeing how Massachusetts' currently struggling mini-version fixes itself - or collapses.
• Via Josh (who has a great comic), The Rebbetzin's Husband has two really sharp posts - one on Modern Orthodoxy and Tznius, the other on Modern Orthodoxy being hazy on its self-definition causing a poor perception of it among the rest of Orthodoxy.
• Mishpacha this week is dedicated to honoring R' Moshe Feinstein and R' Yaakov Kamenetsky, 25 years after their passing. Dr. Moshe Levin has an interesting discussion of how R' Moshe delved into the medical field:

  Someone asked him: "Why does the Rosh Yeshivah allow himself to get involved in such cases?" Replied Reb Moshe, "Had you seen the tears of the person who brought the problem before me, you would not have asked such a question" (Rabbi Shimon Finkelman, Reb Moshe, Mesorah Publication, 1986, p.106-107).
  
  Indeed, some perceived Reb Moshe's uniqueness as lying in his compassion. Rav Michel Berenbaum expressed it in this way: "Reb Moshe was the man of halachah, but from seeing his teshuvos, one can see the chesed [kindness] and concern he felt for others." Reb Moshe himself, however, did not see it that way at all. To him compassion and truth were synonymous. Someone close to Reb Moshe was once sent to ask him a halachic question with an unusual request -- to tell the Rosh Yeshivah that the person wants a decision that is strict halachah without any leniencies. "I do not rule with lenience," replied Reb Moshe. "I rule according to the law."

  To read the rest, subscribe to Mishpacha here.
  

EZ Reads 3/2/11

Thanks to all those who sent me information as to why my Gmail has been sluggish lately. For those who are starting to get concerned about losing everything, Lifehacker has some nice options for backing up Gmail.

• I meant to post this yesterday; while I could happily link James Taranto almost every day, Monday's Best of the Web piece was of interest to most of the readership here, as it rips into the "Israel First" myth.
• I'll admit to not really following this story closely, but Jameel has of course been all over it: IDF soldiers opened fire with rubber bullets on civilians. WestBankMama has a great post on the subject, particularly from the point of view of teens who are weighing their feelings against their desire to serve in important IDF roles in the future.
• I've been wanting to write a more substantive post on this, but it just wasn't happening; A Soldier's Mother has a beautiful piece on punishment, learned from a lesson doled out by the IDF on one of its own soldiers.

  How do you punish a soldier who spits at a flag and, in effect, all it stands for? All that soldiers do, every day of their army service, is represented by the flag. [...]
  
  His punishment - he had to create a 2 hour lecture to be delivered to all the soldiers on the meaning of Israel and the flag. To accomplish this, K. explained, the soldier had to travel all over Israel - to the north, to the south, to many of our cities. He had to interview people, Israelis, other soldiers, teachers and Holocaust survivors.

• EoZ is one of a number of people with this short video on women's rights in the Middle East.
• Chana asks if nothing is sacred anymore. Short answer, sadly: Nothing is sacred anymore.

EZ Reads 2/18/11

Today's links are mostly fun as opposed to serious, so have a good time and a great Shabbos!

• R' Gil caps the symposium he's held on his blog about the ethics of brain death and organ donation with Part X and gives a closing statement. Excerpt:

  This symposium was not a dialogue. Such a conversation is extremely desirable. Until that happens, the warnings offered by many participants to proceed with respect and caution are worth heeding. ... Until we are able to listen to each other, we will never be able to talk. We did not solve this dilemma here but we can at least leave knowing where the problem lies.

• R' Moshe Grylak in Mishpacha (hat tip: Chana):

  We met in a certain shul. And this is what he reported: “What can I tell you? I’m a kollel man, I learn well; I even enjoy my learning, and I stick to a regular schedule. But I’ll be honest with you — I don’t believe in G‑d. Everything I do is just a sham.”

• Chana writes a difficult piece on Why We Cut.
• Via Diana, there are some nice pictures as CrownHeights.info highlights Cleveland's Friendship Circle which held a dinner for 120+ people for the volunteer-based organization, which works with children with special needs.
• Via Ariella, Divrei Chaim rants about ads promoting luxurious trips... to kevarim.
• Really cool: Wires transform objects from inanimate to hilarious pieces of art.
• Doghouse (cartoon) explains how to explain things to teens these days.
• Why patience matters when selling something online (Lifehacker).
• And finally, xkcd does it again in Let Go (wish I could do what he does in the scroll over text):
  

EZ Reads 2/17/11

There was just about nothing that looked very interesting today until an hour ago or so, and now there's a whole bunch; gotta love the blogosphere. Here's some good stuff:

• My favorite blog Lifehacker posted a while ago How to Hack Your Brain. As one commenter put it, "Your personality and identity ARE significantly more malleable than you realize." Some of the tips are quite good and have worked for myself or others I know.
• They also are asking people What Made You Laugh Today - apparently, it's useful psychologically to pause during your day (great or horrible) and think about what made you laugh recently. Interesting. 
• As someone who had a similar note left on our car recently, after someone smashed our bumper and drove away, I know what this is like. Sick.
• Chana is happy that Mishpacha has a very good piece on self-injury, an excerpt of which is available online.
• What the Jeff Koons lawsuit (which had no merit) teaches us about the chilling effect of copyright law - and lawsuits. (Freakonomics)
• Really? Holy dove drives yeshiva wild:

  Several weeks ago, during a Torah lesson in the Jerusalem yeshiva, a white dove entered the house of study, sat on the window sill and flew out at the end of the lesson.
  The following days, the bird would arrive at the yeshiva and stand in the corner for the entire lesson – prompting the excited yeshiva students to view it as a sign from God.
  They created a "studying circle" around the bird and began reading Talmud verses and begging forgiveness from the soul which they believed "wandered" into the dove.

Whirlwind Month (,Trip,) & Who Wants Lunch!?

It's been a bit of a crazy month, and it's about to get a lot crazier. Life has included rushing to get out my company's annual financial statements* - for not just one but two years, one and a half of which I wasn't there for; the Intuit Town Hall meeting on personal finance where I was asked to join as a panelist (full replay here); Chana and her chassid got engaged, DGEsq's wife had twin girls, FrumDoc & FFW had a baby boy; GS got engaged; Moshe helped our Lander Alumni pull off an amazing dinner, and as of last Thursday, we decided that I will in fact head to Israel for my best friend Shragi's wedding, scrambled to get tickets and passports that day... and I'm leaving tomorrow... and I'm bringing 23-month old Kayla with me for the week-long trip. Oh - and I have to put out the next quarter's financial statements by May 17th.

Anyway, who wants to meet up in Israel (Jerusalem area, most probably) for lunch or dinner this week? {Bonus! It might be with Jameel, too!} :) While I still don't know my full itinerary, I'll have a bit of flexibility in between visiting all my cousins and aunt and family friends and of course, the aufruf and wedding of my dear friend Shragi [the author of the "Well Waddaya Know..." trivia series on SerandEz based primarily on his forensic psychology studies].

So - who's in? E-mail me at serandez at gmail.com!

* - more on that later.

Homosexuality in the Orthodox Jewish World

PERSONAL REQUEST: Please do not read this post prior to reading the full transcript of the Yeshiva University panel Being Gay in the Orthodox World posted on Chana's blog. Please also read her To Deserve and To Sacrifice post and R' Gil Student's The Growing Problem of Post Orthodoxy post as some points that will be attempted to be made below will undoubtedly overlap with some of the points they made in their writings. If you have the time, I recommend skimming through some of the comments on those posts as well - there are some interesting discussions scattered throughout. Thank you in advance.

Last week, Yeshiva University's Wurzweiler graduate school for Social Work hosted a panel whose mission was to share with the public the incredible difficulties faced by homosexuals in the Orthodox community, as halacha (Jewish law) does not allow for them to act upon their desires. As might be expected, it's a strong flash point in the Orthodox world, and discussions have abounded wherever one might step foot, with very interesting and different discussions all over - at work, at home, at Shabbos meals with different crowds, at shul.

According to the organizers and panelists, the primary purposes of the event were to promote discussion [and/that would in turn] evoke sympathy and understanding in the Orthodox world as to the difficulties faced by gays and lesbians in the frum community. The stories themselves are fascinating and in some cases, surprising and eye-opening, and each of the four panelists' stories bring up different aspects of the trials a gay person goes through. There are a number of things that can strike a person upon reading the transcript, but perhaps the most interesting point that sticks out is one that demonstrates just how unnecessary the entire production showed itself to be at this point in history.

The issues regarding homosexuality in the Orthodox community are predominantly different than those faced in the overall American public. The battles are not over gay marriage or civil unions, and based on the statements of the panelists, they never should be: The cause is to help those who are committed to living an Orthodox lifestyle while struggling with a severe test, which by definition a gay marriage could not be. Instead, the issues are more similar to those perhaps of discrimination, or more likely those of social ostracism and other social and familial relationships.

What was particularly interesting, however, was the overall consistency of the responses put forth from all over, with the summary being along the lines of: "That must be incredibly difficult, and we feel horrible for their impossible plight. If they're not acting on it, that's amazing, and good for them - I can't possibly imagine how hard that must be; if they are, it's something that needs to be condemned, not condoned. But did this need to be made into a public issue at all?" This is similar to the letter put out by some of the YU Roshei Yeshiva the morning of the event and also the letter YU's President Richard Joel put out along with the RIETS menahel (principal), R' Yona Reiss, after the event:

[...] Of course, as was indicated in a message issued by our Roshei Yeshiva, those struggling with this issue require due sensitivity, although such sensitivity cannot be allowed to erode the Torah's unequivocal condemnation of such activity. Sadly, as we have discovered, public gatherings addressing these issues, even when well-intentioned, could send the wrong message and obscure the Torah's requirements of halakhic behavior and due modesty. [...] We are committed to providing halakhic guidance and sensitivity with respect to all challenges confronted by individuals within our broader community, including homosexual inclinations, in a discreet, dignified and appropriate fashion.

Perhaps, however, the point was most clearly made by one of the panelists himself, when discussing his friends' reactions:

I told one friend and he was cool with it, but he would say ‘you can’t tell so-and-so because he’s too religious.’ So I went for it, next person I told was him and he was even better about it. And he said, ‘But you can’t tell so-and-so’ where it became this game. If only everybody even today knows how okay with it the next person was- truthfully it really surprised me. My friends are amazing.

It seems that people assume there to be a huge swell of homophobia and lack of tolerance within the Orthodox community to homosexuals - but that in truth, this just is not the case. There is certainly a lack of tolerance to or acceptance of homosexual actions, and anything which seems to condone this will immediately be shunned by the frum world - an appropriate reaction even according to at least some if not all of the panelists and presenters. Such a reaction would likely be similar to the one people would have to those who would openly break Shabbos or otherwise act in a way that was clearly against a major precept of Torah observance; in fact, people who have turned away from observant Judaism can likely confirm this to be true. While there may be eventual acceptance of "this is who he/she is" when a person leaves Orthodox Judaism, no Orthodox person would likely condone actions that are against Orthodox beliefs and imply that they acceptable within the Orthodox camp.

Instead of homophobia, however, it seems that gays and lesbians within the Orthodox world, when it actually comes down to it, are met predominantly with acceptance and usually a quiet sympathy. The assumption of intolerance just does not seem to match the actual reactions people have when faced with the situation. Much like in the outside world, when it comes to practical differences the gay population has with the straight population, there's not really anything there. Much like in the outside world (hat tip: Charlie Hall in the comments on Hirhurim), there's a clear level of acceptance that is particularly there among the younger generation. And much like in the outside world, it's hard to say that additional discussion would advance anything more that is positive for gays and lesbians, particularly as that translates into the Orthodox Jewish world.

In the end, it comes back to what the panelists themselves hoped to accomplish with this event, and that's difficult to say. If it was about understanding and sympathy, it is unclear what was accomplished; it seems that this understanding and sympathy was already there, certainly among the crowd that was drawn to the event and almost assuredly in the crowds that have been discussing it. The panelists seemed to feel that most of the Rabbonim they approached about their struggles reacted surprisingly well, and that the same was true of their peers. Typically it was families who reacted the worst, at least initially, but this is not particularly surprising in a community which prides itself often on its future plans and progeny and suddenly learns that this will not be happening as they may have been imagining it. All in all, it seems doubtful that the panel will have made much of an impact in how people view gays and lesbians in those terms.*

Some of the arguments people have for turning this into a public issue revolve around comparing it to other issues that were taboo or ignored in the Orthodox world until people forced them on the public until they finally started dealing with them. The primary flaw in this argument, however, is that there's extremely little the public can actually do in this case. As opposed to agunos**, publicly discussing homosexuality will not be placing pressure on others to help right a wrong that was committed. As opposed to molestation, discussion will not create awareness of a problem in order to protect children. As opposed to abuse, a public event will not help those who are getting hurt find a place to escape to to avoid that hurt. With homosexuality, it is a private and personal issue which the public cannot well relate to and where the public is almost completely powerless to help beyond what they are already doing at this point in history.

Ten or twenty years ago, this panel would have helped bring about incredible change by speeding up the acceptance of individuals who are gay or lesbian by their friends and relatives by helping them understand what they go through at a time when people really didn't understand well enough what being gay or lesbian meant. In December 2009, however, there doesn't seem to be that fundamental unawareness in the Orthodox community. The creation of such a panel and the promotion of groups that promote additional tolerance seem unlikely to create more tolerance but far more likely to create an impression (whether intended by its creators or not) of an acceptance of homosexuality that perhaps goes beyond just sympathy and understanding. That there was so much confusion as to this point even at YU seems to show an obvious lack of clarity as to where the lines are drawn in Orthodoxy, despite the panel's best efforts to mark those lines. While perhaps R' Student's warning of an upcoming leftward shift are overstated, he is certainly not wrong in seeing how this event can be used as a catapult for such a shift. Moreover, there are undoubtedly those who will use this event as a springboard to accepting homosexuality to a greater level than it should be, despite the best intentions of the planners of this event and the pronouncements of those who appeared.

Ten or twenty years ago, this panel could have been incredibly important and made a positive impact on the Orthodox Jewish community. Now, its potential for change is far more toward paths that most of the panelists and presenters themselves would deem completely unacceptable in Orthodoxy - and that's a shame.

* To preemptively discuss, the argument of "discussion shows positive impact" is a somewhat ridiculous comment in a context such as this, as discussion having a positive impact is true when there is a desire for some type of change to occur. As there is no such change being sought here, it turns into a circular "discussion is good because it's discussion, and that's good" argument.

** The comparisons of homosexuality to issues such as agunos are actually disturbing and somewhat despicable, in that they cheapen the plight faced by the various victims in those situations. Agunos receive public support for two primary reasons: 1) They were hurt by members of the community who are abusing the halachic system to shackle them, and therefore the community feels a responsibility to show the person that the community as a whole cares for them. 2) Publicizing the issue hopefully helps to force the 'husband' to send a get to her that otherwise he would not have. Molestation was made into a public issue to instill greater fear and responsibility in our schools and others to help stop abuse from happening in the first place and to encourage victims to speak up and families to not view it as taboo to do so, in order to punish the perpetrators and protect others from becoming victims as well. To compare situations like these to homosexuality is absurd - there is no unwilling victim and there is no outside factor playing a role that the community can help with.

A-Men!

Great post by Chana: I Am Not A Tragedy. Excerpt:

Do I want to marry somebody? Yes, I do. But I also want to marry that person at a time when we shall be financially stable, when I know my own mind, when I am mature and certain that I can live happily and healthily with that person. I want to create and cultivate a family and raise them with as much love and joy and thought as my parents raised me. Thus, I want to marry the right person at the proper time, whenever that may be. I don't believe in expiration dates and I don't believe that once I turn 24, should it happen that I am unmarried, everyone ought to be crying over me. Because I'm not convinced that I have to be a tragedy.

A Brilliant Accident, or Utter Brilliance

I loved this post at Chana's. Excerpt:

G. Nature is one of two things: Intelligence or accident. There is no third alternative. They actually are saying: "Accident plans ahead"; "Accident does nothing without purpose."

A. They do not say that Nature is mere accident. They call it Adaptation.

G. What difference does a new name make? Adaptation is the result of either Intelligence or accident. Is it an accident that the seeds are protected from eaters by their being coated with a slippery mucus, or by being made bitter, or by being covered by hard cases? Or is it an accident that the unripe fruit is green, and is held tightly by the tree; and that only when ripe does the fruit become colored, and then only on the outside of its skin; and that the tree then releases its grip? Adaptation, or whatever term they may use to denote processes of accident, cannot make purposeful arrangements. Without a great Intelligence in control, how could a seed come into being? If one finds a watch in the wilderness, would he attribute it to anything other than an intelligent mind? Such attitudes are possible only when men live in a dreamworld of unreality.

A. But perhaps Life is different. A watch is lifeless, but maybe Life can perform such achievements.

E. That is but another name. The choice must still be made: Life is either accident or Intelligence. To say it is neither would be an evasion.

Send A Writer

As many of you may already be aware, Nefesh B'Nefesh is running a contest to send a J-blogger to Israel to do two things:

• 1) Take part in a Nefesh B'Nefesh flight to Israel, writing about the trip and the goings on; and
  
• 2) To take part in the second annual J-blogger convention in Israel.

The full details are at the end of this post, and feel free to nominate whomever you would like. I was quite flattered to see that R' Gil Student of Hirhurim nominated myself or Chana to go; alas, one of my best friends is getting married the day of the convention, and I don't think it would be fair to Serach or my new job to take off a week. I've also seen a number of people suggest SoccerDad or Baila (who made aliyah on an NBN flight a couple of years ago), and all of these suggestions are excellent and they each would make great representatives for various reasons.

My own nominee is based on the following criteria; I was looking for someone who is:

• Young, preferably single
  
• Has a very large blog following
• Has an audience that may not be the typical one for an NBN flight, but who would be very receptive to what is written about it
• Can be both serious and entertaining
• Can flat-out write in a stirring way when the material calls for it
• Can capture the emotion and setting of different events
  
• and of course, would take the responsibility to share with the audience everything that's happening very seriously

Based on all these criteria, my nominee is Bad4Shidduchim. One need only to look back to earlier this year, when she guest posted a series (along with Bas~Melech) about running a marathon for Chai Lifeline to see how she can capture both the fun and joy and the emotion and meaning in a series of events. Her blog is full of humor, great catches on the little aspects of life, and an understanding of what moves people; she has a tremendous audience that is very responsive to what she writes; and her audience is predominantly younger. If one of the objectives of sending someone is the hope that their writing will stir others to consider making aliyah, targeting a young audience that is otherwise not going to be particularly exposed to the convention or the flight seems to be a very good approach. A great writer is a must for a task like this, I think Bad4 would be a fantastic choice to send to join this trip.

Whomever Nefesh B'Nefesh chooses, I hope they have a wonderful time and a moving, meaningful experience.

The details of the contest are below.

Send your fellow blogger on a free round-trip visit to Israel!

Now’s your chance to select a Jewish blogger who will be flying on a Nefesh B’Nefesh charter Aliyah flight on Monday, September 7, 2009 and attend the Second International Jewish Bloggers Convention.

Nominate your fellow blogger with the "Send a Friend" form on the JBloggers.org website and with a post on your blog, and be sure to read the terms and conditions on the site to make sure your entry qualifies.

If you want to try to get on the flight, get a fellow blogger to nominate you.

http://jbloggers.org/send-a-friend

The terms are simple:

1. To nominate a fellow blogger, you must be registered to attend the convention
   (in person or online).
2. The nominated blogger can be located in Israel or the U.S.
3. You must post on your blog who you nominated and why
   (and obviously send us the information too).
4. The blogger you nominate does not need to be registered to attend the convention.
5. The nominated blogger must have a Jewish blog
   (i.e. about Jews, Judaism, Israel, etc.).
6. The blogger who flies in will be linked up with an Oleh/Olah/Family, and must write a series of posts about that experience.
7. If you want to win, you must find a fellow blogger to nominate you.
8. You can nominate more than one blogger (but don’t go overboard).
9. All nominations must be in by Thursday, September 3, 2009.
10. The NBN flight to Israel is on Monday, Sept. 7, 2009.

Additional terms and conditions

1. The ticket is round-trip JFK-Israel.
2. No ground accommodations or any other expenses are included.
3. The winner will be selected by Nefesh B’Nefesh.

Act quickly!

Genders

Following up on Part I, Chana's second post on Gender is absolutely fantastic. Excerpt I enjoyed that notes the differences between correlation and causation perfectly:

The fact that the tribes in New Guinea were different in terms of hunter-gatherer/ coquettish roles is immaterial. All that demonstrates is that it is *possible* to change up one's role. That doesn't mean it is natural to do so. The assumption the researcher made is that because she saw the natives in those roles, that meant gender was societally constructed. How does that follow? People rebel against their nature all the time. Some of those tribes were cannabilistic! If I choose to be a cannibal, does that mean that eating food as opposed to people is a social construct? I think not. I believe that humans are born with some innate sense of right and wrong, morals, etc (just as I believe they are born with a gender that is the same as their sex characteristics.) That some choose to rebel against that innate sense of right and wrong and/or to rebel aginst their innate sense of self does not persuade me that the idea of gender as a whole (or right and wrong or morality) is all a societal construct. In the same way that I have no desire to adopt cannabilism, I have no desire to attempt to actively work to change my innate characteristics as a female over for learned supposedly male characteristics. One can learn anything, at that rate. I can crawl on the floor, bark like a dog, and eat raw meat. Does that mean humanity is a societal construct? No, I don't think so, and I will not have become a dog.

EZ Reads 7/22/09: Learning

You never realize how much you have to learn until you start learning it. You also never realize just how much you can already do from common sense and what you do know until you start trying it. It's quite interesting how even if one implicitly knows this, it's still a bit of a surprise once the person is faced with it. And now, for some good readin':

• Chana with her guide on how to treat a woman. Interesting.
  
• Jewboy has a kollel conundrum.

  If I could do anything I wanted to, perhaps I would stay in yeshiva, at least for half the day. I am often left wondering how people that stay in kollel make it. How does someone who learns full time, has more kids than I do, and whose wife is marginally employed at best make a living? How does such a person afford to own a home in the inflated Jewish neighborhood and send their kids to school? The numbers just don't add up. And yet I personally know multiple people like this. My family was at an event recently. A young mother with at least 4 children emerged from a beautiful, spacious home and apologized that her husband would be late because he was "still in the kollel." How is it possible? I could not afford their house with my wife and I working decent jobs.

• A sad post at ProfK about a couple divorcing after 44 years... primarily because of pressures from their descendants to keep working hard to support them. Now the (higher-earning) wife is an outcast to all but the self-sufficient child for wanting to wind down her work, against the wishes of the husband and other kids. I hope we're not in for more of these - or grandparents and great-grandparents who feel pressured to continue working to support the lifestyles of their families.
  
• NMF#7 with an interesting post on writing, as she finishes reading a novel written by a girl younger than herself. As she notes, it pays to stop waiting and try doing.
• A very thought-provoking post by the Rebbetzin on the challenges of being non-Orthodox. When there's no Reform school in town, raising kids isn't quite as simple.
• An important history on the kashrus of Coca-Cola at Hirhurim. Important, yes, because it's Coke! V'hamaven Yavin.
  
• The Cavs switch to paperless ticketing, something I think is brilliant. The most interesting aspect: They had 5-6% less no-shows by switching over, as people could more easily transfer tickets to friends or others if they couldn't make it.

Ruminations

Last week, Chana was visiting us before heading back home, and we were discussing a number of different ideas, which somehow led to my showing her The Book of Think. The essential theme of the book, meant for kids but amazing for adults, is to see that there's often another way of looking at something. With that in mind...

• My friend Memphis II sends out a periodic e-mail with interesting links and the like called A Southerner's Harangue. One of them today discusses making peace with cancer instead of fighting it: Instead of using treatments which are designed to kill the cancer but rarely do, we should focus on turning the cancer into something treatable - reducing tumors to the point where they can be lived with.
• He also discusses Microsoft's new search engine, Bing, meant to challenge Google. (Which it won't - Google will simply add in every feature Microsoft has that they don't right now, and they'll continue their domination.) It's actually not bad - it's getting good reviews on different aspects, especially health searches, travel cost comparisons, and the like. I was curious about the video searches after reading about it: You can preview a clip just by scrolling over it, which is great usually - just don't do it at work. I was most interested in testing their Maps features, and found that their aerial view is actually clearer than Google's; their traffic updates are better; their directions are clearer, include relevant information, and pop up each step more clearly. The main issue? It didn't recognize my address! It also doesn't have a Street View like Google yet.
• My friend Jay emailed me about the Cavs' loss:

  Ezzie- I may not be the first to come up with a consolation- but how bout the fact that regardless of whether you win a championship or not, you have the most exciting fun player to watch. you cant take that away from cleveland and i would just say to heck with championships just enjoy watching lebron.

  Definitely an interesting way of looking at things.
• Finally, via Eliezer StrongBad, DryBones on Obama's relationship with Israel and the Palestinians.
  

Enjoy!

Cheap Places to Date in New York City

Friends of ours are always looking for good, yet not too expensive places to date or even to just go out with their spouses or friends in New York City; via Chana, here's a great list by Josh and Tamar Grun Vogel of places to go:

The 101 Date Guide for "New" Yorkers

It's mostly Manhattan-centric and not everything is necessarily cheap, and as they note, obviously not everything is on here, but it's a very good listing overall. Check it out.

Eliezer StrongBad calls the list "impressive".

Observing Depression

Via Chana, the latest edition of Stern College's paper, The Observer, is out. In addition to a well-done interview with our favorite smiling friend, Jameel of the Muqata, this issue's main thrust is depression, particularly as it pertains to the Orthodox community. I've just spent time reading through every one of the pieces on the subject, and credit is due to The Observer's staff for doing a fantastic job in covering as much on the subject as could be hoped for in such a publication and more.

From Chana's post:

Those of you who remember Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot's groundbreaking article entitled "Dimensions: A Young Man's Story of Torment: Surviving Depression," which was published in Jewish Action in 2001 will be thrilled to see he has followed it up with an interview he has given us at The Observer. The interview includes his thoughts on how depression is perceived by the Jewish community now that it's been 8 years since his original article, how he came to write that piece, and other thoughts and suggestions regarding depression.

As part of our powerhouse lineup on the series, we also have an interview with Dr. David Pelcovitz on depression. This offers a different point of view, because rather than discussing the issue from personal experience, Dr. Pelcovitz answers in his capacity of psychologist.

See the rest of our articles on depression and mental health in the Features section.

R' Helfgot's interview is interesting and extremely clear; Dr. Pelcovitz's is illuminating from the other end. The aforementioned Features section covers depression by giving an overview of depression in addition to discussing it as it pertains to YU and Stern, how it can affect shidduchim, and of course by discussing mental-health helpers and organizations. It is an interesting, informative, and important issue, and again - kudos to The Observer on a job very well done.

Hungry To Be Heard Eating Disorders Event

For all those of you who noticed that we covered the "Hungry To Be Heard" documentary on eating disorders and were interested in seeing the film...which is, in case you did not know, specifically geared to the Orthodox Jewish community and a project of the Youth Leadership Cabinet of the OU...

Tomorrow, February 24, Active Minds is hosting an event entitled "Celebrating the Survivors: Eating Disorders Explained." It is open to the public.

It will be at 9:00 PM at Furst 501. (Furst is located on the Wilf Campus at 500 West 185th Street, near Amsterdam Avenue.)

"Hungry To Be Heard" will be screened at the event, and we will also hear from Aliza Stareshefsky, who is featured in the documentary. Aliza will also be reading a poem by a male YU student who suffered from bulimia and who is also featured in the documentary. He will be present at the event, but will probably not speak.

Operation Tefilah, Torah & Troops (Something You Can ACTUALLY DO)

To participate in "Operation Tefillah, Torah & Troops" and receive the name of an Israeli soldier who needs your prayers, send an e-mail to the office of Rabbi Kook at maortlmo@gmail.com. To request the name of a soldier by phone or fax, call the National Council of Young Israel at 212-929-1525 x100, or send a fax to 212-727-9526. Members of the IDF who wish to have a "partner" praying for them are urged to e-mail the office of Rabbi Kook as well.

Hat-Tip: Israel Matzav (Source: Israel National News)

~Tell your friends!

Enough

With thanks to Chana; posted with permission. (Ed. note: Edited slightly for presentation.)

ENOUGH
by Gila (Kanal) Zarbiv

Enough.

I am tired of turning on the news and seeing them talk about Israel's disproportionate attacks.
Where were they when Kasam after Kasam landed on Sderot?
Where were they when we pulled out of Gaza to give the Palestinians their chance to have change?
Where were they when the Israeli army went door to door seeking out terrorists and risking THEIR lives to save the lives of innocent civilians?
Where were they when Israel stood by since 2001 and let Kasams kill innocent Israelis and DID NOTHING!?
Where have they been?!

How dare anyone make this anything other than it really is: Israel defending her people, her nation, and her homeland. It is not a revelation that Israel has not lost a war since her existence. Its a necessity! When we lose a war we will lose our homeland. There is nowhere for us to surrender to! We are surrounded by countries that hate Israel and the Jewish people and would like nothing better than to push us into the sea. If we give them that chance, we will drown.
So now, Jewish world, as you sit back and watch your brothers fight for you and your family die for you, I beg you to fight back! Challenge this close minded, one sided, media bias that we see every day.

Enough is enough! I dare one of those reporters to come to Sderot, or Ashkelon, or Be'er Sheva and survive one night. I dare them to walk through the streets, hear the sirens, fall to their knees, and hold their breaths for 15 seconds as a Kasam wails overhead. I dare them to hear the voice "Code Red, Code Red" and wonder, is this the end? Is this going to be the rocket that lands on me? Am I going to be the next statistic on CNN?

How many times do we hear "only one killed in Sderot" and breathe a sigh of relief. "Only one." Close your eyes and imagine your wife, your husband, daughter, son, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, father, or mother were that "only one." It's OK. It was just one. Stop whining...

Enough.

I am intensely saddened when I see the pictures of the innocent Palestinian children who are caught up in the cross fire. I am intensely infuriated when their deaths are blamed on Israel. Israel did not ask for this war. Israel did not want this war. Israel did not choose this war. Israel was attacked. Since her very existence she has been attacked. Be it on her buses, her streets, her homes, and her cities.

Let us be very clear. Israel is not randomly attacking Gaza. Israel is responding to the HUNDREDS of rocket attacks that have landed on her soil that have SPECIFICALLY targeted civilians and civilian homes. Israel is responding by bombing SPECIFIC Hamas locations and killing 400 people, 90% of whom are Hamas operatives.

Disproportionate? Hamas kills men, women, and children. Israel kills terrorists.

Disproportionate?

ENOUGH!!

This war, in my opinion, is too late. Israel should have stood up years ago when the first rocket fell.

How ridiculous is it to imagine that after Sept 11th America would have done nothing in response. How dare America start a war! Its disproportionate. All that happened was three measly planes hit three measly buildings! What right do they have to go fight an entire country?! What justification do they have?

The Arabs think they can fight us? They think they are up to our level of standards? Well kol yisrael arevim zeh lazeh. We Jews are all connected. Take a lesson Arabs. Wake up. You want justice? You want peace? You want equality? Then deserve it! You alone are responsible for the actions of your people and your nation. There is a virus growing in your own people and it is spreading to your children and grandchildren. Stop it!

Enough!

How dare anyone blame this war on Israel. It is time the world practiced what they preached. It is time they live up to their own standards. The next time someone comes to attack THEIR children, I want a completely proportional response. I want them to stop and calculate. Remember, it isn't about saving the lives of your family. It's about making sure that the world approves and will not condemn your actions. Be careful, because apparently in their eyes, all people are not created equal... They can attack us because they are "terrorists" and that's what terrorists do. We cannot fight back because they are cowering behind the backs of 3 year old children.

Enough.

I will not stand silently by watching my family be attacked night and day. I will not sit and wait for the bombs to fall. I will rise and defend my husband, children, and nation by whatever means, doing whatever it takes. Wouldn't you?

Disproportionate?

How dare they.

Enough.

Gila (Kanal) Zarbiv volunteered a couple of summers ago in an ambulance in Sderot, working as a medic, as well as going door to door to different bomb shelters to find out what the citizens of Sderot needed. She has experienced the terror of rockets falling around her, and wrote about that terror and fear [including running out into the open road to grab a child] here.

Best Lines From A Snow Shabbos

SJ to Elianna: Do you eat clothes?
Elianna to SJ: Nooo... I eat SJs!

Chana: I think people are pretty miserable most of the time.

Elianna (holding out her hands to SJ): Come here SJ baby squoosh!

The Kosher Quandary: YU Event on Tuesday, Dec. 9!

The event will be LIVE-STREAMED here. (7 PM on December 9)

RABBIS OF ALL MAJOR ORTHODOX ORGANIZATIONS TO ADDRESS THE "KOSHER QUANDARY: ETHICS AND KASHRUT" IN LIGHT OF AGRIPROCESSORS SCANDAL TUESDAY, DEC. 9 AT YESHIVA UNIVERSITY

In light of the ongoing Agriprocessors scandal that has rocked the kosher meat industry and the Orthodox community, Rabbi Avi Shafran, director of public affairs for Agudath Israel of America, Rabbi Menachem Genack, rabbinic administrator and CEO of the Orthodox Union's Kashrut Division and rosh yeshiva at Yeshiva University's Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, Rabbi Basil Herring, executive vice president of the Rabbinical Council of America, and Shmuly Yanklowitz, co-founder and director of Uri L'Tzedek, will engage in a candid conversation on the interplay between ethics and kashrut at a program on Tuesday, December 9, at 7 p.m. in Weissberg Commons on Yeshiva University's main campus, 2495 Amsterdam Ave. at 184th St., New York.

The program – "The Kosher Quandary: Ethics and Kashrut" – serves as the launch event for the new student-run organization at YU called TEIQU, A Torah Exploration of Ideas, Questions, and Understanding. The organization is devoted to nurturing intellectual dialogue on campus surrounding Jewish matters of import.

The panelists will explain their views and insights on the kosher quandary, address recent developments and share their prescriptions for action.

Who: Rabbis of All Major Orthodox Organizations
What: "The Kosher Quandary: Ethics and Kashrut
When: Tuesday, December 9, 2008; 7 p.m.
Where: Weissberg Commons, Yeshiva University
2495 Amsterdam Ave. at 184th St.