Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Depressing Post

So I've been kind of depressed lately. It started with the heavy debates going on XGH's site, and now, (yesterday), I got word that my uncle's wife father died. It was all quite sudden. He was not feeling well and took some x-rays. He was told that there was some clog in his arteries and that he would need open heart surgery. From what I heard, sometime either during the surgery or after, he got a stroke and never woke up from the anesthesia. He was like this for 2 weeks. Yesterday he passed away. This really got me thinking of how life is so short and how you never know when your time is up.

When I was a in my early teens. Maybe 11 or 12, I wasn't afraid of death (as most teens aren't). I had it in my head, that most likely, Mashiach will come and everything will be fine. After all, according to some opinions the world is only supposed to last 6000 years which is only in a about 233 years to go. And since most likely I would live to be 120 years old, I had a good 50/50 shot at him coming during my lifetime. It was just not something that I was worried about. Well, I don't think like that anymore. Every since I have become a father, deaths ugly fact has become a fact to me. Sometimes, its all i think about. This is one of the reason I just refuse to fly anymore. Death is a fact. It will get me. But I don't want it to get me now. Not now. So much I want to do, and learn. But who am I to have this request. Many people younger than me have died unexpectedly. There is no reason for me to think I have plenty of years to go before thinking about death. It can happen any day now.

I guess Judaim really thought this through with the Modeh Ani. Maybe I should start saying it.