by Jon Korman
In mesechta דנקן הינס there is an interesting machlokes brought down between פילסברי דו בוי and מורנו הרב נסלי as to whether or not burnt cookie offering from a girlfriend to boyfriend is preferable to no cookies. הרב נסלי says that its obviously better for there to be no cookies, because if there were burnt cookies, it would cause טרחה for the בעל הקוקי on two different levels. the first level would be that he has cookies before him but cannot eat them due to the fact that they are burnt and will taste bitter, and clearly its not פסח and we do not want to be reminded of eating מרור. The second מדריגא of טרחה would be that his friends would make fun of him. We all know that embarrassment is in fact worse than death. פילסברי דו בוי says that is significantly better to receive the burnt cookies, because at least then we are exposing the כוונה of the girlfriend. Obviously she understands the pasuk of שֶׁרֹּאשִׁי נִמְלָא טָל קְוֻצּוֹתַי רְסִיסֵי לָיְלָה: and is trying to do whatever she can to make her בעל happy. It is clear that the יסוד of this machlokes can be stated as to how one should properly satisfy their boyfriend. Clearly, the כוונה is what really counts in this situation. If a person did not care for their boyfriend they clearly would not bake them cookies, but if they really cared they would make sure to do it correctly. בדיעבד one can fulfill the מצווה by simply being nice to their boyfriend. לכתחלה a girlfriend should bake the cookies, whether they are cooked correctly or not צ'ע. However, there is a concept called הידור מצווה, in english this means to beautify the מצווה. Clearly we should all strive to reach this מדריגא and bake the cookies appropriately and dispense them regularly to your boyfriend... cause we all know תדיר ושאינו תדיר, תדיר קודם!!!
A נפקא מינה להלכה would be whether or not you can be מגרש your girlfriend if she does not regularly bake cookies.
Seemingly, this מצווה could be understood as מצות עשה שהזמן גרמא, which would obviously be problematic because נשים are not חייב in מצות עשה שהזמן גרמא. Rashi explains in מסכתא מגילה that because נשים were part of the נס they are obligated to partake in theמצווה
מעשה אחד אם הנסל וגרטל they were once walking through a field and came across a bakery with a very sweet מקשפה. However, it turns out she was not as sweet as she seemed. The evil מקשפה tried to turn הנסל וגרטל into cookies. There was a נס שבנסתר and the רבש'ע created a ישועה. So today, as a זכר לנס girls bake cookies for boys. These cookies signify how grateful נשים are that they were saved by the boys. Even though we really know it was a נס שבנסתר we still give credit to the boys because the גילוי aspect of this נס it is rather obvious that the boys did all the work.