I no longer believe that G-d only gives people as much as they can handle. If that were true, I would have died about two months ago.
I think it's just a trite cliché that someone came up with in order to help deal with a difficult situation and/or bad times. (Maybe it was Bad4's "Mysterious They.")
In some ways, though, this way of thinking does sort of make sense. After all, if one’s physical--or tangible--world is falling apart, what other options would that person have? If the tangible fails him, he is forced to rely on the intangible--faith and hope (yes, one may also rely on prayer, but that’s a whole other ball of wax) in order to continue living. If he doesn’t have anything to look forward to, then what would be the point of trying to survive?
That sentiment always made me angry. It implies that if you are a strong person, Hashem will test you with great difficulties and tragedies. What incentive, then, does anybody have to be a strong person? Also, when you feel you can't go on, it doesn't always provide comfort to have someone say, "Oh yes you can!" Sometimes you just want a sympathetic ear, and someone to say - you don't deserve this.
ReplyDeleteI wish you well.
Great, great post. Well said.
ReplyDeleteFaith should actually not be intangible. One should not have blind faith, you actually need to see Yad Hashem in order to have faith. No one says they have faith "just because", it must be based on something.
ReplyDeleteI think you are all misunderstanding the premise.
ReplyDeleteNobody says that Hashem will test you to your limits just because you are strong.
But if you should happen to be going through a difficult time, know that Hashem would never give you more than you can handle. And since Squooshball DIDN'T die two months ago, obviously Hashem's assesment of what Squooshball could, in fact, handle was more correct than Squoshball's own impressions.
I think perhaps the "handle" bit can be misleading. It is important to understand that HaShem tailors every situation so that it is best for you, whether or not you can see how. But does that mean that you are able to pass every test with flying colors?
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Maybe it does, in which case I'm in bad shape. But I'm just not sure.
For example, when people had to eat chometz on Pesach during the holocaust. Would you say the test was that since they were put into this situation, they must be able to manage Pesach without eating the chometz? Surely not. The challenge was to do what had to be done and accept the fact that it's not ideal. (I forget which rebbe told about that. Maybe the Klausenberger? He said people died from that -- either from starving or from their depression at having to eat chometz. He used to beg them to eat and to realize that they should not be depressed because eating chometz was their best way of serving HaShem at the time)
I've gone through my share and have been told mmany times that Hashem doesn't give you any nisyonos you can't pass. Another parents of a very sick child heard this and said "Yes, but it doesn't mean that you WILL pass it!" It's still a nisayon and still very, very hard but the potential to pass it is there, even though it may be very difficult to fulfill that.
ReplyDeleteFrumhouse - EXACTLY! You hit the nail right on the head (and thanks for the empathy).
ReplyDeleteEzzie - Thanks.
Anon - Maybe it shouldn't be, but it is. Being able to see Yad Hashem is sort of like being a Monday Morning QB--you don't see it until after the fact (like the famous mashal about looking at the back of a piece of embroidery). The unfortunate fact remains, however, that sometimes one never gets the privilege of seeing Yad Hashem. For example, one of my mother's best friends lost a child to cancer after that child suffered through many years of chemo, radiation, and various other experimental procedures and therapies. Where is Yad Hashem there? Of course we're told that everything happens for a reason and that we don't always know what that reason is. But that takes us right back to square one--faith is an intangible entity.
g6 - Maybe so, but that takes a lot of emunah and bitachon, and I'm just not sure I have either the physical or emotional strength for it anymore. Each time I think we've hit rock bottom, G-d zaps us with another zinger and another crisis. For a long time my husband and I kept telling each other, "it's only money--at least we're all healthy." But that's not true anymore, and now, in addition to the financial issues we're having, we've been dealing with some life and death situations too (literally).
bas~melech & almost there - Perhaps. But at this point, I'm not too concerned with passing the nisayon. I'm more concerned with surviving what G-d has decided to throw at us.
I sincerely wish you and your family all the best.
ReplyDeleteDovid
I always say that Hashem doesn't give us a test we can't pass. When I gave birth last time my roommate told me she had twins. Then she asked me what I gave birth to. I said I had a single boy and that this was G-d's way of giving me what I can handle. There is no way I could handle twins. One at a time is hard enough for me. Every situation is tailored to the person. This birth was easier physically than the first two. The first two I was younger and had more energy. This time I had to recuperate quickly because I had two others to take care of. We don't know G-d's ways but it always gave me strength to know that he's throwing me this fastball because He knows I can handle it. If I don't then that's my fault but if He believes in me than I should to. It's very empowering to know that the Creator of the universe knows that you can handle this situation. That being said I always ask for a boring life with not so many challenges. When another challenge creeps up I ask G-d for help to pass the test and I also ask to not have any more challenges at the same time. I wish you lots of hatzlacha in passing your challenges and I know that you can do it!
ReplyDeleteHow do you define "survive"? Does survive mean to remain alive throughout the ordeal or does it mean to keep on smiling as if everythinng were normal?
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of "I can't handle this" that you're describing. I lost my son this past summer after several years of serious illness. It's harder than anyone can imagine. Have I survived? Well, I'm still here. I'm not the same person I used to be, that's for sure. I feel constant pain, as if someone took a knife and cut a deep hole in my chest. But I'm here and I'm doing my best to function as well as possible for the sake of the rest of my family. My children are well cared for, I cook meals and do laundry and even try to put a smile on my face, despite the fact that I don't feel that happiness inside. Some people would call that surviving.
I distinctly recall the days of worry, fear, and uncertainty. My advice to you is to focus on getting through one day at a time. Don't think about the future and what it holds. Concentrate your energy on getting through today. Hashem does help us along the way and holds our hand throughout, even when you might not feel it. Pour out your heart to Him and daven that He gets you through this, one day at a time.
Refuah shelaima to your niece. We're davening for her here too.
Taking a philosophical approach in commenting -
ReplyDeleteI think it's about evaluating and re-evaluating our relationship with Hashem at consistent intervals every step of the way on life's journey.
Nisyonot - hard, easy, murderous or a cinch - are about each person's unique bond to the Creator. Our relationship to Him evolves in our individuals ways.
Only He knows the particular potentials in the way each one of us can connect to Him, and only He knows how to test us to bring about the desired results.
We can cry and scream 'bloody murder' along the way,
but I still think that, that's what it's about.
i am very frustrated with this post. Look i don't know who u are and what you dealing with that. It must be horrible expriences that causes you to write this post. Please let me explain my background so you would understand my disagreement on your post.
ReplyDeleteI have usher syndrome which means, deaf (wearing cochlear implant), legal blind (that's for now, according to doctors it would get worse over years) bad balance and no cure for my eyes yet.
My life is not easy to deal with it. But this saying "Hashem will never give you if you can't handle it" Look it didn't say you have to pass the test or fail it, it just survive through the trials of your life, it doesn't mean smile all time (heck i think i cry and i smile in same amount in my life) Who said that crying is not surviving, cry is good for your mental state that also applies to happiness (smile). Look at Job, he had most horrible life but he arguing with hashem and at the end if i remembered correctly that hashem is apporved what he did. Some anger, cry and smile is very good to deal with your problem so it won't bottle your feeling inside of you and it released you in some levels. Please don't get hurt when people says that to you it meant for neutral. Nothing as do with faith just surviving. When life hits you hard, just remember that you will survive because hashem won't give you something you can't handle. IF you did nothing that helps you to survive these trials like getting drunk all the time, taking drugs all time, commit sucide, anything that would kill you eventually or right away then you will fail these trials. It is totally ok to drop everything down in once while in your life, you are entitled to do that but don't hurt yourself because you feel pain (like cut yourself) but if you did this, and you still alive then pick yourself up and start all over again. Hashem will give you second chances if you still are breathing. In my opinion, I like that statement because it reminds me that it will be ok because i know that hashem won't give me that i can't handle.