Life is not fair but we desperately wish to think it is. We are not all equally blessed…but who on Earth can comfortably stomach the concept that he has been shortchanged by G-d? This is why we spend so much time justifying reality. That is why we put forth so much effort inventing and then trotting out our "this is really a good thing, this is for the best" mantras. I am no different from anyone else. In respect to the bombing, if not in respect to various other aspects of my life, I have my own collection of mantras. I was blessed. What happened to me was for the best. I am a better person for what happened. If G-d were to come to me today with an offer to repeat this period of my life, but without the bombing, I would turn Him down. Usually, these mantras satisfy my craving for blessings. Nonetheless, every so often, I find myself questioning the fairness of it all. ...On a separate note, R' Horowitz's son is engaged - mazel tov!
I was discussing with a friend the health of a third woman we are both friends with. This woman underwent difficult fertility treatments in order to have her first child. In the course of checkups to prepare for a new round of IVF, it was discovered that she had cancer. She spent the next year in treatments; as of that time she had been given a clean bill of health though it was not clear if she would be able to bear any more children. My friend's take on all this was similar, though not identical, to that of Michael's friends: if it were not for the fact that our friend had fertility problems, and that doctors insist on such a careful check before starting fertility treatment, the cancer never would have been caught so early and her cure would not have been nearly as assured. Ergo, our friend was lucky. I took the part of Michael. I found this type of logic ridiculous. Our friend had to suffer through fertility problems and cancer. She should not have had to go through either, much less both, and certainly not both by the age of 30. How can you possibly define this as luck? This should not be.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Two Sides of a Coin
(Hat tip: Shoshana) This post by Gila is profound, excellent, and extremely thought-provoking. Excerpts:
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If life is not fair (and I agree with you, it isn't), what should we do about it? How do we deal with it? Why are some people gifted in everything they try and others in nothing? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why?
ReplyDeleteI know it's not something we can understand, but sometimes I hate not being able to understand it.
In response to both Erachet and the poster...
ReplyDeleteI forwent on mantras for a really long time. I always found them a little too consoling, like a self-platitude. That is, until I read Slaughter-House Five. I think I found my answer to everything in that book. If the golden rule of existence and happiness is "do unto others..." then the golden rule of sorrow is this:
So it goes.
People I know have passed on?
So it goes.
Money problems that you cant get out from under?
So it goes.
Sickness, war, famine, death, emotional problems, family issues, hate, fear, misery?
So it goes.
I know it seems callous. Maybe a little world weary, unattached, and downright cold but I think it is more than that. The best way I have ever heard it summed up is..
"S**t happens, and it's awful, but it's also okay. We deal with it because we have to."
Maybe its just me.
I think that it's hard to assess others quality of life from the outside. Yes, some people get really lucky or do really well or are blessed with certain gifts and others are not. But the goal of life is not necessarily to be fair to the individual, which is an underlying assumption of ours (since we are, after all, individuals). But this is life and, as xvi said, so it goes.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with the original poster that "Thank god she was infertile" is a bad response, but there are some people who need everything to be good so they find a way to twist it so that everything that happens is good for the individual. I don't necessarily think that's true. But people need their crutches.