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Monday, July 07, 2008

Grace By Heart

R' Gil has a very interesting post on talking during davening (prayers), a subject that is close to my heart. Read the whole thing, but I thought this little note near the end particularly interesting, in light of the consistent comments I receive from friends regarding bensching (grace after meals) about how I should use a benscher (prayer book) and not say the words by heart. [emphasis mine]
What I found interesting is that there is seemingly no concern that one person's loud prayers will disturb the concentration of everyone else. Evidently, this is not an issue. I don't know why, but it isn't. In fact, I have prayed near loud-praying people and found it very distracting. But they don't seem to be doing anything wrong halakhically.

Perhaps, if someone may pray out loud then maybe other people may talk as well. As long as those who are praying are reading from prayerbooks, then we are not concerned that they will get confused.

When I told this to a local rabbi, he insisted that people have the right to choose to pray from memory, in which case none of the above would apply.
I'd always argued that it doesn't make sense that it's somehow better to pray from a benscher; they didn't exist until more recently, anyway. It's nice to see that this was correct (though not necessarily for that reason).

5 comments:

  1. I teach the kids to benctch by heart quietly by themselves in public, such as in restaurants. If they ask for a bentcher, they can have one, but I don't suggest it (for those who can by memory.)

    I think it's important to be able and accustomed to doing this, because it is not always possible to have a bentcher, and that can become an excuse not to bentch.

    Also, we take food to public places (museums, the aquarium, public parks, etc.), where it would be inappropriate/attention getting to start bentching aloud.

    There are many times and places where it is inappropriate to bentching aloud and conspicuously, and a more discreet "quietly to yourself" is only available if it has been practiced. (Especially for a large family with children.)

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  2. I assumed it was close to your heart because you're one of the talkers

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  3. What I found interesting is that there is seemingly no concern that one person's loud prayers will disturb the concentration of everyone else. Evidently, this is not an issue. I don't know why, but it isn't. In fact, I have prayed near loud-praying people and found it very distracting. But they don't seem to be doing anything wrong halakhically.

    O.M.G. I can't STAND it when people daven loudly. It's so annoying! Granted, talking is even worse, but praying loudly is really inconsiderate to those around you, too.

    I know that wasn't the point of this post, but since it was mentioned, I just had to say that.

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  4. In reference to using a bentcher (BTW, I do read all of your postings-just not daily), when first becoming frum I made it a priority to memorize bentching. As an adult w/ kids now, I chose to always use a bentcher (not just when the kids can see me). Being able to show my children that have the words in front of me, I feel, adds a level of chavshivus to the often (on my part) automatic action of bentching.

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  5. I have definitely read in more than one halacha article/book that one should not daven loudly enough to disturb others.

    This is not even necessarily a din of tefilah, but may be simply part of having consideration for others, or "darchei noam" -- that the mitzvos should be done pleasantly and not bother people.

    The Amidah in particular is supposed to be said silently like the prayer of Chana, only whispered loudly enough to hear oneself but too soft for others to hear.

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