Pages

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Longest Post (Part II)

Part I

A few weeks ago, Serach and I had the pleasure of traveling to Baltimore to visit with my sister and her family. Over the course of the weekend (and truthfully, the weeks before and after), many of the decisions I’ve made in life and a number of the small and large events that really shaped my life were brought to the forefront of my mind. We arrived late Thursday night for a nice, 5-day weekend, and I took advantage of the freedom to head out and visit an old friend from Cleveland at his apartment[i]. Our families go back many decades, and our similar backgrounds often result in similar outlooks on many aspects of life. He joined us at my sister’s house for the meal Friday night, and this unsurprisingly resulted in much discussion of the past.

When we were all growing up in Cleveland Heights, our families had a number of friends from when they grew up. They had friends of all types… with all different kinds of yarmulkes and head-coverings [or lack thereof]… with many different hashkafos. At some point, mostly in the late-‘80s and early-‘90s, a large contingent of family and friends who were so inclined decided to make aliyah and did so, celebrated (as far as I can recall) by those that remained – no matter what “type”. At the same time, a large chunk of people made a different kind of aliyah… to Beachwood, Ohio. Left behind were our families, a few other “old Clevelanders”, and a community that was increasingly one-dimensional.

The point of this is not to dredge up the old history, but rather to show what was there before all this movement. It is hard to begrudge people choosing to move to communities where they feel they will be more comfortable and happier; it is certainly hard to begrudge those who made a brave move and followed their ideals[ii]. But it is important to note, as another friend did very well, the sadness that people can’t find that comfort in a community that is not one-dimensional, but instead are enticed [as we all are] by the promise of a community that is made up of people “just like you”.

There is so much to be gained from diversity. Why is it necessary to pigeonhole each Jew as part of one camp that needs not associate with another camp?

The issues the rabbi discusses are very close to my heart. Through the years I have always resisted labeling myself yeshivish, modern, modern Orthodox [sic] machmir, or whatever other ridiculous names we've come up with today? Why can't we all just be Jewish, and respect other Jews for what they are, regardless of whether they wear a hat and what kind of hat they wear? Even more so, I feel that being around people with different viewpoints is good for all parties involved.

I still recall an occasion in Israel where I was staying at my sister’s best friend from childhood for Shabbos in Mattesdorf, a fairly charedi community. She noted with a tinge of sadness that she felt she’d gained so much from her diverse class in high school in Cleveland… and that her son would never have that kind of experience[iii]. This line always made me feel a little disheartened and more than a little sad[iv].


[i] His apartment is slightly larger than our own, is in much better condition, always has available parking, and is not in the tri-state area… and the rent is about 57% of ours. This is one of those life decisions brought to the forefront that while unrelated to the post at hand, really bothers the hell out of me.

[ii] It took me about a dozen years to at all appreciate the sacrifice some of our family friends made to make aliyah. That kind of dedication and courage is simply astounding.

[iii] Ironically, this family (now with four beautiful children) moved to a smaller community in Canada where the husband – an extremely talented person who would help and learn with random children [of all types] on the street, bringing them to his home for meals and a place to talk – is continuing to have an amazing impact on young Jewish children of all types. It seems that those who truly want will always find a way.

[iv] I could go on at this point about how communities should do their utmost to reverse this trend, and how we should try and create and support “mixed” communities over homogenous ones, but a near 2-hour debate with my friend has convinced me of at least the futility of espousing this on a global level. We shall see if I still note this on a personal level, however.

14 comments:

  1. If your friend [i] lives in the apartment community that your friend [ii] recently moved out of they also pick up trash from your front door 4 days a week, and have outstanding maintenance.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is something that has been bothering me as well, and I've been really grappling with it. I really don't want to raise a family in a one-size-fits-all kind of community. I don't believe in it, and I don't want to have to force myself or my future family into a box like that. However, given certain other factors, I may have no choice, and that makes me very unhappy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. See my recent post that expresses some similar ideas. As an aside, I am visiting my parents in Atlanta and I'm takin the opportunity to see the Hawks take on Lebron and your boys tonight. Go Hawks!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're very right about the Heights...Young Israel has almost died out here. But I think a big part of why your sister's best friend had that diversity had more to do with the school she went to than the community she grew up in. I grew up in the same community as you did, and although it was more diverse than it is now, I still don't think I really had too much exposure to different types as a kid.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think that is hilarious . . . aliyah to Beachwood . . . so spot on :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. as my wise dad says- modern= indoor plumbing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "His apartment is slightly larger than our own, is in much better condition, always has available parking, and is not in the tri-state area… and the rent is about 57% of ours. This is one of those life decisions brought to the forefront that while unrelated to the post at hand, really bothers the hell out of me."

    "If your friend [i] lives in the apartment community that your friend [ii] recently moved out of they also pick up trash from your front door 4 days a week, and have outstanding maintenance."



    me'od homesick for said apt. community, cheap rent, garbage collection, and PARKING SPACES. You can't even get a closet in your bedroom in [insert new location here]!!!!

    p.s. ezzie, whats up with the new wzeiyqzr (word verif)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think this is a serious issue.
    In my opinion, this is part of a greater issue when it comes to parenting. That is the issue of "exposure." To what degree do we want to expose our kids to the outside world and to what degree do we want to protect/shelter/shield them?
    This changes depending on the individual. When I remarked to a friend that I do not want to have a TV in my house, he yelled at me: "how can you not expose your kids to that? At least in your house you can censor what they are watching, but you don't want them to be thirteen years old before they ever see a TV! Don't you have an obligation to expose them to what's out there?!?!" I responded by questioning how old is kids would be before he would feel comfortable 'exposing' them to a Playboy magazine.
    Of course you cannot really compare the two. But the point is that each individual will decide how much exposure a child should have and at what point is it better to keep him/her protected.
    I think this is the thought process of families who move to similar-minded neighborhoods. They want to protect their children. They want their children to grow up in an environment that reflects the parents' values and beliefs. When it comes to outside exposure, the parents will determine the exact degree.
    That being said, there is a lot that the children will miss by not growing up in a "mixed" community. As Jews, we are unfortunately moving in the direction of segregation and is is terribly unfortunate.
    You must excuse any problems with this comment...it's 5:30 in the morning...time to go learn...go day, my friend, good day.
    p.s. - I'll be in the city later...dinner?

    ReplyDelete
  9. 1) aliyah to Beachwood?! That's golus!! (ducking)

    2) Moshe: "I responded by questioning how old is kids would be before he would feel comfortable 'exposing' them to a Playboy magazine" - good answer!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I grew up in Baltimore with only one frum girl's school. All levels of yishikeit were all together; the yeshivish, modern and in between. I had girls in my class who were rabbanim's daughters and granddaughters and other girls who are no longer frum. They were all accepted for who they were, not the label/level.

    It's a beautiful thing to grow up in a city with diversity. It gives it character and it teaches you to accept a Jew as a Jew. I now live in KGH, NY and miss many aspects of what I grew up with.

    ReplyDelete
  11. aaaahhhh...[apt complex that shall remain nameless for some reason], how we miss thee. The 57% cheaper rent is just the beginning...

    I went to the same school as littlebirdies and had the same diverse classmates. We were all good friends and we all got along. But that school is not like like that today, either. That's Ezzie's point. The communities that we grew up in have shifted, and that is sad. I think, in general, that diverseness and general acceptance of all Jews is not found in most Jewish communities nowadays. The time we grew up in were nicer {snif}. Gosh, I sound so old!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Scraps - Ah, but we shall discuss that somewhere later in this post! :)

    Jewboy - :P I was quoting your post!

    Anon - Agreed on the school, absolutely. But I consider the school part of the community. Also, if you go back a few years (late '80s) it was incredibly diverse. Mid-'90s it was finished and all 'black'.

    RoaRW - :P

    Serach - OY.

    A2 - When you're not signed in... (cough!)

    Chana - :P

    LB - Wait, you live right by us!? I will note that of places in NYC, KGH happens to be reasonably diverse. There's certainly (from what I've seen) little to no judgmentalism here, there's a pretty wide range of people, etc. At the same time, I understand it's not the same as Balto or Cleveland circa 1990.

    SaraK - [sniff] So do I!

    Moshe - Next time, text me. I don't see comments all the time these days... :(

    As for the comment, I was about to say that I think that example is a very different aspect and has little/nothing to do with segregated communities. If anything, mixed communities allow families to approach those issues in a far healthier fashion. I don't think the Playboy answer is a good one simply because there's a marked difference between pornography and TV, and TV and internet, and etc. etc. Each is at its own level, each needs to be explained/discussed in its due time, and each has its own issues and some have their own positives as well. Within a religious community, however mixed, there will be that which is beyond the pale and there will be that that families can explain to their kids why they don't feel it's something they want/need in their home. And the advantage of a mixed and respectful community is that people will respect one another's wishes in BOTH directions - not only not looking down on that which they do but also by not looking down and respecting that which they do not.

    ReplyDelete