Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Come To Order...

...members of the blogosphere, please come to order. All rise as the presenter of our keynote address steps to the fore. We will now hear the STATE OF THE BLOGNION address:


Thank you. Thank you all.

Madame Serach, Vice President Ezzie, members of Ser&Ez, distinguished readers and fellow commenters, three weeks have passed since I first typed before you at this keyboard. In that time, our reality has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined (at least I hope this is true, if not then you have seeeeeeeeerious problems). We have faced hard decisions about music and cinema, rising competition in the world of Judaism, and the health and welfare of both college and professional football (P.S.A. please keep ‘Eli ben Archie’ in your good thoughts…and ‘Tom ben Lucifer’ & ‘Bill ben Satan’ in your bad ones). These issues call for vigorous debate, and I think it’s fair to say we’ve answered the call. Yet history will record that amid our differences, we acted with purpose. And together, we showed the world the power and resilience of not blogging exclusively serious topics.

All of us were sent to blog to carry out the people’s business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our posts (or lack of meaning, as the case may sometimes be). It remains our charge to keep.

The actions of even a post’s 110th Commenter will affect the security and prosperity of our blog long after this post has ended. In this election year, let us show our fellow bloggers that we recognize our responsibilities and are determined to meet them. Let us show them that serious posters and not-so-serious posters can compete for hits and cooperate for results at the same time (but I’ll be damned{!} if one more of those stupid ‘roundups’ gets more comments than a finely crafted piece or irreverent humor).

From expanding guest posting opportunity to protecting our readership, we have made good progress (WooHoo!); yet we have unfinished business before us (awww, maaan), and the reading public expect us to get it done (lousy, good for nothing, needy…). In the posts ahead, we must be guided by the philosophy that made our blog great.

As bloggers, we believe in the power of individuals to determine their destiny and shape the course of history (too much?). We believe that the most reliable guide for our blog is the collective wisdom of eclectic topics.

And so in all we do, we must trust in the ability of sometimes not-so-wise people to make wise decisions and empower them to improve their posts for our futures. To build a prosperous blog, we must trust people with their own ideas and empower them to grow our readership (y’know, that actually sounds half-way intelligent…go figure how THAT got past the editors).

The strength — the secret of our strength, the miracle of Ser&Ez, is that our greatness lies not in our posters (although let’s be honest some of them are pre-tty awesome), but in the spirit and determination of our readers and commenters (you hear that COMMENTERS, get the message). When the federal bloggers convention met in Philadelphia in 1787*, our nation was bound by the Articles of the Confederation of Web Logs, which began with the words, “We the signed-in delegates.” When Gouverneur Hador was asked to draft the preamble to our new Blogstitution, he offered an important moderation and opened with words that changed the course of our nation and the history of the world (the world{!} daggumit): “We the bloggers.”

By trusting the people, our founders wagered that a great and noble online nation could be built on the liberty that resides in the hearts of all men and women (although nobody really knows which are men and which are women because it’s all anonymous anyway). By trusting the people, succeeding generations will transform our fragile young “sphere” into the most powerful nation on Earth and a beacon of hope for millions (YeeeeeeeHaaaaaaa, we’re cookin’ now). And so long as we continue to trust the people, our “sphere” will prosper, our posts will be secure, and the state of our blogs will remain strong until we reach our ultimate goal of total world domination, MWAHAHAHAHAHHA, ahem...sorry, where were we…oh yes…

So tonight, with confidence in blogging’s power and trust in the people, let us set forth to do their business. God bless the Internet. Thank you all.

*I had nowhere to go with this, sorry.


  1. Tom ben Lucifer


    *crumples to floor*

    (The rest was excellent :).)

  2. Apple - such a girl. See, this is what leads to stereotyping.

    Anyway, Mr. President, while sitting here not behind you but rather on the other side of a very complicated connection via multiple cable networks, I was rather impressed with your delivery and content. I take full credit as I gave you the access and ability to do all that you do. Woo!

    ‘Bill ben Satan’

    Seriously. GRRR!

    As bloggers, we believe in the power of individuals to determine their destiny and shape the course of history (too much?).

    Not too much. :)

    By trusting the people

    Silly G. By trusting electronically selected people. ;)

    To build a prosperous blog, we must trust people with their own ideas and empower them to grow our readership


  3. I like the editorializing amongst the serious satire. :-P

    Very, very well done.


  4. Commenters? We get the message. Nice wedding pic, btw. You guys got married too early. I wasn't "the browser" back then. If you wouldv'e waited a few years you woud've gotten a nice Mazal Tov if you looked interesting enough in your pic. :)

  5. Ummm, yeah.
    **aaaaawkward***Ez? Wanna field this one?