Friday, September 30, 2005

Layah on Rosh Hashana

Hat tip: Layah. In the near future, SerandEz is looking to have Layah (my sister-in-law) join and contribute to the blog, with a focus on life issues. She majored in something that has to do with English and writing, so she's a much better writer than me. Welcome, Layah!

This is from the Eishes Chayil newsletter. May we all have a k'siva v'chsima tovah and a year of joy, good health, parnassah, shalom, yeshuos and geula!

Dear Year 5765,
Just yesterday we stood at your entrance without any ideas as to what your
days would bring - all 365 of them. Now another 365 days are standing lined
up one after the other, behind locked doors. We tried peeking in but
failed; even the smallest speck was hidden from us. And now as I write to
you, year 5765, I am shaking with awesome fright.

Would I have ever imagined what you would have looked like as I stood before
Hashem last Rosh Hashanah? I was full of wishes and hopes ... and wondering:
would you bring happiness, growth and success - or disappointment and
failure? Would you be filled with good times, good friendships? With what
would you fill up your hours and minutes? How would your newspaper headlines
appear? Would they be filled with excitement and good news or C"V... the
opposite. What was in store for the peoples of the world - would major
crucial changes take place? In my family? Or maybe around me... or within

Everything... everything was written and signed already then from Rosh
Hashanah till Yom Kippur of 5765. If I could have just known then what I
know now.

If only I would have just imagined, that within your days very precious
souls would be taken away from this world - our great leaders - and even,
woe to us our very own friends... would I not raised my voice and
intensified my kavana? I am convinced that had I sweated a bit more,
invested some more strength in the words "Haper Etzat Oivenu," I'm convinced
that I could have destroyed a few more arab terrorist groups - before their
explosion destroyed us. I am sure things would have been different if I
would have taken advantage of those hours of rachamim.

How many measures of emotional strength and how many tears I would have
invested in the words "avenu malkeinu na al tesheveinu reikam milfanecha"
had I seen then as I see now right in front of my eyes, the people who so
desperately await their own yeshuot; but yet another year just passed them
by unanswered, another 365 days. The days, hours and minutes that contained
were all full with their suffering, yet with their hope. If only I had
begged a bit more before Hashem stamped his final signature on that day! I
have no doubt in me that had I seen it all before me, I would have invested
every last effort and intensified my kavana to no end.

Sadly, it was davka then that my desperation and imagination decided to
stall. Davka then, when every hour, every minute was so crucial... when the
knock is heard and the knock departs - those crucial moments of "Kol dodi
dofek, petach le...!" "Me bekitzo ume lo bekitzo..." "Me yichyeh u me yamut"
Where was my imagination? Where was I when I had the power in my hand to
correct, to erase, to sweeten my fate and that of others?

When I flash in front of me the year that just passed, an accusing finger
screams at me:

This time I know. This time I'll try. This time I won't hesitate to let the
tears fall. I wont hesitate to beg. This time I'll put in every drop of
energy that I have. I know not what was yesterday, but I do know that
everything from the simple to the most complex will be decided upon and

Daven as if you were in the middle of the sea, stormy waves towering above
you angrily.
Daven as if you were hanging there by the nearest hair...Because dear
friend... YOU ARE!!
May we all have a k'siva v'chsima tovah and a year of joy, good health, parnassah, shalom, yeshuos and geula.

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