I have not ranted about anything in a while. I don't know why; it just hasn't happened. However, it is wedding season, and I have been to quite a few recently, and I must vent my frustration at one incident that occurred at one such wedding.
I hate when people don't think. I know I do it at times, but it is much more frustrating when the lack of thought is a planned out idea. Case in point: I was recently at a wedding where two people of lesser intelect thought it wold be a good idea to bring on some "schtick." For those of you unfamilliar with this term, "schtick" in this case refers to thought out forms of entertainment usually meant to be humerous. In other words, it could be amazing and hilarious, or pathetic and disasterous. Case in point:
By this particular wedding, these two mental midgets thought of the terrific idea of dumping 50 gallon bag of styrophome peanuts on top of the choson and kallah.
Why didn't I think of that? Probably because I have an IQ higher than that of a shuffleboard disc. I assume that this is what the choson and kallah thought as well, judging by their reactions of bewilderment during and following the incident.
However, the story does not end there. What do you think happened after those peanuts were dumped? Of course! The people who dumped them out went and got brooms and dustpans and proceded to clean up the mess they made. Then the Middle East Crisis was solved, the Clippers won the NBA title, and Elvis came and sang Ben Bag Bag.*
Of course none of these things are true, and in fact, it would have been more likely for any of those three things to happen before the two styro-jerks would think to clean up their mess. What actually happened was that I went out with a friend, found two brooms and a dustpan, and began cleaning up the mess.
I am not trying to make it seem like I am perfect. As many of you can probably guess, I had a great time trying to sweep up the mess from under the feet of the still-dancing group of people. It was made trickier by the fact that due to the peanuts on the floor, and thus a tremendous lack of friction, many dancers were subject to sliding accross the dance floor. This included one almost disasterous and hilarious incident of a colision between a boy and a cameraman-holding step-stool.
Evetually we gave up trying to sweep the mess up because people kept stepping into our pile, so we left it, and the mess was evetually swept up by the grounds crew who had to pause the wedding for a rain delay. The point is that these people did not think their schtick all the way through. In fact, they didn't think about it at all. It wasn't funny. It had no point. It was unsafe. They didn't take responsibilty for their actions. Oh, and it wasn't funny.
If you are going to devise a wedding schtick, please do me a favor. Think before you do it. Ask yourself "what is the point of this?" If the answer is "because I want to," don't do it. Whew, that was tiring.
*Other things that would happen before the two guys would have cleaned up the mess:
Carot Top at the Appolo
Snow in Pheonix
Mike Tyson in Cambridge
Bridge from California to Hawaii
Mel Gibson in Tzitzis
Winter Olympics in Tehran
Switzerland fighting a war
George W Bush on "Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader"
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Speaking of Dancing...
Here's a great rant from Jughead's Hat about wedding shtick: