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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Psak On TV Dating

Here's an interesting twist in the news thanks to the new hit Israeli show, Srugim:
In one episode, one of the women on the show, Reut, debates whether to go out on a date with a man she's been introduced to, after she already agreed to go out with her tutor. When her friend expresses her displeasure with the decision, Reut responds: "Why do you care who I go out with? Even Rabbi Aviner said that it's ok to date two people at the same time."

One of the viewers, perplexed by the moral dilemma, sent Rabbi Aviner a question, citing the show and asking whether this indeed reflected the rabbi's view.

Rabbi Aviner responded: "Certainly not," and proceeded to explain that dating two men simultaneously is generally a dishonest and immoral act. However, the rabbi admitted that there are some exceptions to the rule.

"Only in unusual cases, when the woman is older and time is running out, and the guy takes his time making a decision," is it ok to multi-date.

However, writers for the show said they based the quote in the episode on an answer provided by the rabbi to the same question about a year and a half ago. At the time, the Aviner responded: "It's immoral, unless you're old and can't wait."
It's an interesting psak in general, if only because it's an interesting issue to have a psak about. I thought that people generally don't really "double-date", though plenty will 'look into' more than one person at a time, or even look into people while they're still dating someone if they think it's not going to work. But certainly to see a shaila asked because of what was quoted on a TV show is pretty new...!

10 comments:

  1. I thought cherem d'Rabbenu Gershom doesn't apply until after marriage. And that was said by a rabbi as well! I would not say that multi-dating is immoral, rather unethical in that two people are being led on to believe that they're that "special someone." Halachically, it's not a problem, so I have been told.

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  2. I don't remember that scene at all. Is it just me?

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  3. I've tried multi-dating in the past. It just did not work for me. In fact, I had a date already scheduled for the day after my first date with my now-fiancee. Needless to say, I couldn't get too enthusiastic about that one. Maybe it wasn't fair to the other woman in that she never really had a chance.

    I don't see an ethical problem unless you lie (actively or passively) about it, though.

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  4. Not sure about the ethics, but it makes it very difficult to give someone a real chance when you know there's someone else tomorrow.

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  5. I thought that people generally don't really "double-date",

    You are mis-informed

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  6. Ever heard of triple dating? My uncle once has three dates in one day, I believe. (or one on Motzei Shabbos and two on Sunday) Yeah, he's crazy. Incidentally, he's married with one kid now, and not to any of them.

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  7. What if everyone knows that it's going on? Like a woman tells a man, I can go out with you, but you should know that I am also going out with someone else. The someone else knows that I will be dating while we're dating and is okay with it.

    In other words, is the immorality about duplicity? What exactly is the immorality?

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  8. I dunno, it only seems unethical if the couple has been dating for awhile. Going on two first dates in one week doesn't really seem all that bad.

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  9. Princess Lea - I think he's making a general statement; psak is a poor word to use, but that's how the show viewed it.

    Apple - Still up to 6. :)

    JA - I think it would have to be very upfront to be okay, and even then, not a good idea.

    TC - Yup.

    G - Really!?

    M - OY.

    TherapyDoc - I think the duplicity aspect is part of it; I think it's mostly just unfair to either party.

    Fern - But let's say both go well - then what?

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  10. Ezzie and Fern, if you're a guy boy you don't have a problem. Keep i mind that the cherem d'Rabbeinu Gershom that Princess Lea was talking about is already expired. It might be akward at parties but hey- some things are worth the price!

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