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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Making The Jump

Well before I was born, my father, a couple of years removed from his many years at Telshe Yeshiva and Ner Israel Rabbinical College, spent some time on a kibbutz picking oranges. A few years later, he and my mother went on a short pilot trip to Israel to see about making aliyah, but determined it was not feasible at that time. At around the same time, both of my father's siblings made aliyah - his sister and her husband packed up their three kids and ended up in Petach Tikva, and his brother and his wife packed up their three kids and ended up in Sanhedriya Murchevet in Jerusalem.

Over the years, it seemed as if all of my parents' friends, relatives, and mentors would make aliyah or lived in Israel. R' Schubert Spero was the rav of the Young Israel of Cleveland, and made the move around 1980, if I'm not mistaken; he was joined by countless other Clevelanders who ended up in places such as Harnof, Efrat, and many other areas throughout the country. Cousins of ours made the move: Romberg, Rock, Weisberg, Weisberg, Weisberg... Friends: Sukenik, Zivotofsky, Reich, Jacobson, Becker, May, Neustadter, Spero... the list was endless. When I got to Israel, I had over 40 places I could feel comfortable calling up and asking to come visit, and surely many more that I could have if I'd wished.

My two years in Israel were amazing ones for me, but hard ones for the country. It was 2001-2003, and the intifada was at its worst. But even with all of that, there was *something* about being there that was indescribably incredible, and partway through my first year there, I told my parents I'd be staying a second year. I still remember the flight back to the United States at the end of that first year - I found myself literally shaking at the prospect of leaving the country, tempered only by the knowledge that two months or so later I would be returning. In the middle of my second year there, I started speaking to a lot of the friends and relatives there about the idea of attending Bar-Ilan instead of returning to the United States. After a little investigation and understanding the feasibility of it, it was still suggested to me - unanimously, I should add - by all of the people who had made aliyah that I should first get my degree, get married, and work a number of years in the US while saving up money before doing so. That if I wanted to make aliyah and stay, the best path for me was to actually spend some time away from Israel. That the hardships involved were something I'd be far better prepared to handle - even with all the advice and assistance I could get from all of them - a little further down the road. Oh, and make sure to marry someone who is serious about moving as well, or it won't happen. So far, we're doing pretty well on that plan.

But it's because of all of that that I couldn't help but really love and appreciate this post by the Apple.
Living in Jerusalem for those two weeks was the closest I've ever come to truly feeling like Israel could be a permanent home for me in all the time I had spent in Jerusalem thus far. One day, while I was walking down King George towards home, a chill ran through me and gave me goosebumps that were quite unconnected to the blazing heat of the day. My goosebumps were the result of the awesome, spine-tingling, tearfully exciting feeling that I experienced at that moment of a simple and incredible love of the place I was standing in. I need to be here, I thought to myself. I love this city. I love this country. This will be my home.

I do have concerns, though. I know that day-to-day survival in Israel is based on more than an overwhelming and abiding love of the land. I am not afraid of the bureaucracy that everyone loves to hate, or going food shopping, or speaking in Hebrew every day. What I am afraid of is not finding a job that gives me enough satisfaction so that I won't regret having left family and better job opportunities (and with that, more ways to support and build a family) in America. I'm afraid of the loneliness that will come from moving away from all my family and most of my friends. Those things aren't small concerns - they're big ones, and for that reason, making aliyah after graduation isn't a cut-and-dried plan just yet. There are lots and lots of details to consider and people to talk to and network with before I can really, truly commit to this.
Read the whole thing.

25 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. I guess getting your education in the states is good advice. And then staying a bit to make some money. You need money to make Aliyah. But then there is the likelihood that you won't come. Take it from me. We kept pushing it off--for 15 years. It just gets harder as you get older, you get more entrenched in your life, your family, your community. If you think you are close to your friends now, wait till you've lived through the joys and challenges in your life with them for the next 20 years. That is what I did, making Aliya in my 40's, with older kids. I won't say I regret not coming sooner--this was G-d's plan. But leaving those friends and family at this point in my life was wrenching--I have felt a grief like a permanent loss (chas V'chalilah)--even with skype and instant messaging etc. And don't even get me started on coming with older kids.

    Despite all that, I'm glad I'm here. Aliyah is tough any time you come. I would say it's not for everyone (Jameel may disagree, but I believe if someone doesn't want to be here, they shouldn't). Come for the right reasons, because you believe that as Jews it is our priviledge to be able to govern our own land, that our nation belongs here, that you can contribute something to society. If you do believe all that, do yourselves a favor, come as young as you can. Build your life and community here. In twenty years you'll be Israeli, your kids will be Israeli and your life will have meaning. And you won't be thinking, as I did for 15 years, "I should be there".

    [Cross commented at Jameel and at Apple]

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  3. you got to give credit to Dov Hikind!

    http://hamercaz.com/hamercaz/pics/database/aoi/586_myFile.pdf
    http://www.hamercaz.com/hamercaz/site/news_item.php?id=748

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  4. Baila - Good comment. As it was put to me, you have to constantly be keeping it in mind, and the deadline for moving would be before kids are 9-10 years old. It certainly gets harder in many ways, but moving now simply doesn't work for many if not most.

    Plus, hopefully some of those friends will follow you there. :)

    It's certainly a hard balance, but everyone needs to do what works for them. Serach's sister and family made aliyah a couple of years ago after trying it for a year. My own sister took a long pilot trip last year but they determined they weren't quite able to pull it off yet, even as their best friends just came on NBN last month.

    Oh, and a good way to keep in touch with people back home: Webcams. :)

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  5. Apple,
    You're making me cry!

    Ez,
    Hopefully we'll end up on NBN together very soon!

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  6. the deadline for moving would be before kids are 9-10 years old
    With all due respect, I would lower that to closer to 6-7 years old. 9-10 years old is certainly doable, but in my experience - we're currently celebrating our ten year aliyah anniversary - it takes a few years (!!) for such a kid to really feel like an Israeli. In contrast, a 6-7 year old will have one hard year. But by the time s/he is 8-9 years old, s/he will have forgotten all about the trauma.

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  7. I would only recommend getting your education in the US prior to Aliya if your parents can pay for it. If not, you'll do better getting your education in Israel and not having college loans to pay off later.

    I know people here in Israel who were able to pay for college tuition by working summers and doing tutoring on the side during the year.

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  8. SaraK - AMEN!

    Mrs. S - I've heard many differing views on this, but 9-10 was generally viewed as the cutoff. Families we're close with went with kids of all ages - 10 and up the kids tended to have more trouble (the older the worse, obviously), whereas 9 and younger had it successively easier. With each year younger, it is of course easier, and certainly a 6-year old will adjust faster than a 10-year old. But 9-10 is more of the "upper cap" as to when you can move before it might be better to wait until the youngest is out of the house.

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  9. Trilcat - I had a full scholarship, which was one of the factors cited by the people in Israel (even though Bar Ilan wouldn't have been much more).

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  10. Ezzie - yes, certainly a factor - studying in your native language is a HUGE advantage, even if your Hebrew is good.

    I just know a few people who are unable to make aliya b/c of school loans that they can't pay off with an Israeli salary.

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  11. My kids are 14, 12 and 11 (we're here a year). Very difficult for them, but the two youngers ones are doing well, and we're hopeful about the teenager. Since coming we have met many adults who told us their parents dragged them here when they were teenagers and they are okay. (But I guess we wouldn't meet the ones who are not okay--maybe they're in jail, or back in chul :) ). Definitely not ideal, but it has been done.

    Do yourselves a favor come when the kids are young. You'll save yourself alot of grief.

    And we have a webcam, and every technological toy available to stay in touch (including my blog!)--I still feel the pain of them being there and me being here.

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  12. Trilcat - Yes. I think a lot depends on what field you plan on going into.

    Baila - Wow, impressive. I didn't mean to imply that older kids can't make, either - only that the younger, the better, and 10 was often given as a good cut-off to shoot for.

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  13. But 9-10 is more of the "upper cap" as to when you can move before it might be better to wait until the youngest is out of the house.
    There is something to this. But I should note that there are plenty of preteens and even teenagers who DO successfully manage to make the transition.

    One thing that I think helps is when the teenagers are made to feel like they're an integral part of the decision process. Obviously, this isn't the only factor for a successful aliyah, but telling a 15-year-old, "Surprise! We're moving to Israel next week, and too bad for you if you don't like it," is clearly a recipe for disaster. (And yes, I've seen families who've tried this route... only to have it blow up in their faces.)

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  14. Wow, that's horrible...!

    My sister-in-law prepared the kids and they even decided to start improving their Ivrit before going, I believe.

    And my sister always talks about it with her kids - every little thing a kid can 'learn' ahead of time to be prepared will make a difference, if only because they'll be more confident when they get there.

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  15. That's great! I agree that talking about aliyah with the kids - even, or especially, years in advance - is the key.

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  16. Just one more thing: if you're really, truly committed, don't buy a house. I know it may be a buyer's market and you're throwing away money on rent, blah, blah, but once you buy a house you have committed your life to a community. It's much harder to decide to leave: selling the house, getting your investment out of it, being emotionally attached etc. Instead, take that money that you would have put down on the house and invest it well--your chances of making it to Israel are better.

    (and I'm speaking in general, not to you Ezzie specifically. I don't know whether you rent or own.)

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  17. Okay, so here is something that has always worried me about the whole idea.

    From everything that I saw in my two years there in addition to what you hear/read...there does not seem to be a place in Israel for one who wishes to just live what i like to call a "regular frum" life. It seems like one needs to pick a side in Israel to a greater degree than what currently exists in the states.

    again, only my impression

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  18. G - Interesting point. I would agree it's more difficult to find such a thing there, but I don't think it's absolute.

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  19. I know that R' Rosner from Woodmere is starting a more "American-style" community in Israel. I have the same thoughts as G, although I seem to get the feeling that it's getting better.

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  20. For some "plain old frum" communities, try in Gush Etzion Efrat or Alon Shvut.

    In Modiin, there is a good "plain old frum" community in Kaiser, and another in Buchman (albeit higher-priced)

    I believe there's a nice community in Maaleh Adumim, and the Katamon/Rehavia area of Jerusalem
    provides that kind of community as well.

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  21. Not much familiar with the ins and outs of Israeli society, but how about Telzstone?

    Shrug.

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  22. ...not to mention the same issue as it regards to schooling.

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  23. SaraK - I read about that in JPost. I am really curious to see where it goes.

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  24. Ezzie - paying yeshiva tuition for the kids will sap whatever savings you are able to accumulate. Come when the oldest is five, max. (We came when our oldest was 2. No language problems, no friends left behind, no big debt....)

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  25. As others have pointed out, the situation is improving all the time, and there are now a number of what you would call "plain frum" communities and schools (especially elementary schools) here in Israel.

    I think the real problem is that many American olim who wore black hats in the States and/or were affiliated with BH communities and/or sent their kids to BH schools - assume that Israeli "Torani" or "Chardal" communities are not for them. These olim think that they would not be comfortable in a kippah srugah community. And so, instead, these olim opt for more charedi communities - or at least so-called "Charedi Lite"/"American Yeshivish"/"American Charedi" communities.

    But the truth is that - except for the kippot srugot - Torani/Chardal communities are really exactly what these olim are looking for. They just don't know it...

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