A helpless young maiden in the town of Baltimore with an intense fear of slugs needs immediate assistance in removing the one that is currently sliming its way across her room. If you're nearby and can help, please contact me immediately at gmail.
Excerpts: (with 'translations')
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgHey, at least she has a sense of humor while she's freaking out... I think she needs someone to get rid of that slug.
ON M CARPET
(Oh my god, there's a huge slug on my carpet.)
I can deal with other bugs (uh huh)
but not slugs (eeeew [runs!])
i mamsihc ant move (mamish can't - it means more if you say mamish)
me: shall i call 911 in balto for you?
they might get really annoyed
her: chaverim maybe
its moving (shocker)
shreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk (no translation needed)
i can go near it (can't)
or sal (salt)
but i cant
im gonna throw a bown over it (bowl)
a big bowl so i dont miss
new status message - a husband or a big bro would be nice right about now!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhh help 1:08 AM (ooo, shuddich opportunity! spoken like a true young jewish girl)
okay i got a huge bowl adn threw it over it and then stacked textbooks on top, do u think that will hold it under, even if its on carpet?
me: lol no
it's a slug
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? (i didn't learn science, i went to Bais Yaakov!)
me: no bones
her: ogm (oh my god, for the 1000th time - about now, she completely flipped out)
CALL ANY MALE (woohoo, shidduch!)
THAT MIGHT BE AWAKE (woohoo, shidduch!)
ILL LEAVE MY APT SO THERES NO YICHUD (wooh - wait a second, that's not right...)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (i could use a guy...!)
no (to pouring salt)
i cant do that (don't hurt the poor slug...!)
im freaking out (shocker)
i cant explain they r worse than bugs
right now its udner the bowl i think and i wont move the bowl
and i dont want a dead slug (just a flushed one, because that way I don't know it's dead.)
im literally freaking out
NOI WONT SPRAY IT
me: well, what do you want exactly!?
her: someone else to get rid of it (preferably a guy, 20's, funny, good personality, good-looking, who can always get rid of bugs...)
im calling friends to see if anyone is ok with slugs (or knows a guy who is!)
me: well, unless you call someone, you're stuck
i CANT handle the slug
give me anything else
me: how come?
her: but im literally petrified
i dont know cant u udnerstand phobias!??!
u dont understand, im hyperventilating, crying