If You Were A Simpsons Character

After years of imagining what I would look like as a Simpsons character, somone else did the job for me. Here I am:

Check it out. It's really fun. www.simpsonizeme.com

You can play around with all the features till you get as close as possible.

Blogging PSA

Courtesy of PsychoToddler:

If you noticed that you have to use word verification when writing a post (or editing) and that it screws up your saving and autosaving, it means Blogger thinks your blog is SPAM. Click on the question mark near the letters and it will prompt you to request a review.

Serach's Scarves

Many of y'all have known this for a while, but (my lovely wife) Serach sells scarves/tichels* of all types - silver striped, thick colored striped, solid, stripes with patterns, tye dye, and now she's even getting "pre-tied" - and in a large number of colors. More importantly, a good friend of ours - "Stoner" - has set up a great, functional website for her business at serachscarves.com.

Serach's Scarves is based out of our home in Kew Gardens Hills (or Flushing), NY, and you can order online and either have it shipped or pick it up yourself. We're pretty easy to get to, whether you live in Queens, Hillcrest, the Five Towns, Far Rockaway, or even a bit further.

There are pictures** of many of the tichels up on the site, and you can feel free to ask questions via email (also on the site) to Serach about them. The prices are very reasonable and cheaper than you'll find them just about anywhere else; if you see something you'd like that's not there, feel free to ask Serach and she'll see what she can do about it. The same applies to any tichel she runs out of stock of - she can generally get it rather quickly.

Anyway, that's my little pitch; check out the site at SerachScarves.com!

* Head scarves many Orthodox Jewish women use to cover their hair.
** The images were taken with permission from one of Serach's suppliers.

Hot House

I was sent this a while ago, but forgot to put it up at the time; it's still just as important, however, so please take a moment to read it.

Dear friends,

Today's New York Times carries a review of a film called "Hot House" that goes inside Israeli prisons and examines the lives of Palestinian prisoners. We're not recommending the film or the review. But we do want to share our feelings with you about the beaming female face that adorns the article. You can see it here. The film is produced by HBO. So it's presumably HBO's publicity department that was responsible for creating and distributing a glamor-style photograph of a smiling, contented-looking young woman in her twenties to promote the movie. That female is our child's murderer. She was sentenced to sixteen life sentences or 320 years which she is serving in an Israeli jail. Fifteen people were killed and more than a hundred maimed and injured by the actions of this attractive person and her associates. The background is here.

Neither the New York Times nor HBO are likely to give even a moment's attention to the victims of the barbarians who destroyed the Sbarro restaurant in Jerusalem and the lives of so many victims. So we would be grateful if you would pass along this link to some pictures of our daughter whose name was Malki. She was unable to reach her twenties - Hamas saw to that. Though she was only fifteen years old when her life was stolen from her and from us, we think Malki was a beautiful young woman, living a beautiful life. We ask your help so that other people - far fewer than the number who will see the New York Times, of course - can know about her. Please ask your friends to look at the pictures - some of the very few we have - of our murdered daughter.

They are at: http://www.kerenmalki.org/photo.htm

And remind them of what the woman in the Israeli prison - the woman smiling so happily in the New York Times - said last year. "I'm not sorry for what I did. We'll become free from the occupation and then I will be free from prison."

With so many voices demanding that Israel release its terrorist prisoners, small wonder she's smiling.

With greetings from Jerusalem ,
Frimet and Arnold Roth
On behalf of Keren Malki

Missing the Point II

I really don't understand this article by Shmuly Boteach in the Jerusalem Post, which is a follow-up to last week's brouhaha.

My critics fail to distinguish between an immoral sin and an irreligious act. To steal, to lie, to murder is deeply immoral. But would we say the same of someone who desecrates the Sabbath? Does driving on Shabbat make you a bad person, or a nonobservant one? Does failure to attend synagogue make you into an irreligious Jew or a flawed human being? To be sure, if you practice no religious ritual you could hardly call yourself religious. But are you wicked?

I don't understand this whatsoever. The nutjobs Boteach claims commented notwithstanding, one can read through any reasoned criticism of Feldman's piece and I don't think you'll find people calling Feldman "immoral", and certainly not "wicked". They all merely noted the same basic points: Feldman is being disingenuous in expressing surprise and dismay at being cut out of the community to a small extent when he grew up religious and yet married a woman whom is not Jewish, therefore cutting off future generations from Judaism. Boteach goes on to ask a number of surprisingly stupid questions:

They were simply irreligious people. And they had to be shown love and respect. Not just in order to bring them back to the fold, but because it was righteous and Jewish to do so. Why should those who marry out be treated any differently?

There's a marked difference between sinning in general and cutting off your family from Judaism. Complain what you will that Jewish law only recognizes someone as Jewish if their mother is, that still is the rule. Judaism doesn't set out to attract converts.

But which orthodox Rabbi would have the nerve to ever tell a gay man or an intermarried man that he should not come to synagogue, that he should no longer keep kosher, that he should stop putting on tefillin, and that he should take the mezuza off his door?

How does this have anything to do with Feldman? Feldman not only maintains a close relationship with his Orthodox friends, he seemed to have had a good time at the very gathering which he complains about being cut out of a picture from. The problem Feldman had was not that he's treated like a pariah, but that he's not treated the same as everyone else - that they won't leave his picture in their alumni newsletter. Those are two drastically different levels.

It is disgraceful that they are treated as if they consciously rebelled against the Jewish tradition when, in their minds, they simply followed the dictates of the heart.

That's nice. Since when do we allow people to do and not do at their heart's whim? Did they not have control over their decisions? Feldman is allowed to follow his heart as much as he'd like, and hopefully he is (and he seems to be) happy. That's great. But don't pretend that he didn't make that choice.

The Jewish community's policy should be precisely the opposite. We should tell all Jews, in no uncertain terms, that the Jewish community is always their home. That just because they make choices that are profoundly injurious to Jewish continuity does not mean we do not love and cherish them. We are not only a religion, but a people. Not only a faith, but a family. And a family's members are forever.

Does Feldman sound like all ties were cut? His best friends are Orthodox. He seems to be well-received. But from an educational standpoint, from the standpoint of the community? He did make a choice that is profoundly injurious to Jewish continuity. That's not something to just shrug off.

How many who have written to me critical of Feldman are themselves guilty of lapses in Jewish observance? I know scores of Orthodox Jewish businessmen who take their yarmulkes off at their Wall Street and legal offices, even though they are stalwartly Orthodox in all other practices.

Is he seriously comparing taking off one's yarmulke to marrying a non-Jew from a Jewish observance standpoint?!

We can employ the iron rod and show that Judaism is a religious of fear and intimidation. Or we can employ the outstretched hand of love and demonstrate that Judaism is a religion of understanding and inspiration.

Boteach's kumbaya sentiment is perhaps noble in thought, but allowing anyone to do as they wish even outside the lines of what constitutes the religion makes no sense whatsoever. Much like Feldman, Boteach completely misses the point.

Busted!

Ezzie's been stealing the cookies.

Everyone knows.

No silly excuses will save you now.

Stam a Loser

I lost a bet with Ezzie, and the consequence was that i had to post something... This is all i've got for now...

Here ye, here ye, let it be known that July 29th, the eve of Tu B'av shall hereby be known as "Stam Runs into Ex-Dates Day". Oreos, Shtreimels, and cookies with sprinkles, all are welcome to attend! Feel free to surprise Stam in the most random locations - repeat performances encouraged! Forget dancing in the vineyards, why not rendezvous locally? Leave Stam cowering in the art supplies aisle, watch her change direction and dash up a staircase.... No appointments necessary!

Seriously, did someone publicize a list of locations that i was planning to visit today? Is my car bugged? Even i had no idea what to do all day, and I ended up in random places....

Off to find my white dress....

Tupperware

From Serach:

Funny Elianna story: She came into the kitchen, and usually, when she opens cabinets, I tell her no. But the Tupperware cabinet we designated for her. She walked over to it, started taking things out, then looked up at me and shook her finger back and forth as if to say no - that she knew she shouldn't open it. I said "Lo Elianna, zeh bishvilech" [No Elianna, that one's for you], and she smiled and happilly started pulling out the remnants from the cabinent!

On another note, Elianna is WALKING! :)

Loneliness

This post is not about me, nor about you. It's something that someone said to me recently that rang very true, and the truthfulness of it has been reinforced to me by many people recently.

A friend wrote to me recently, saying that they've realized two very important things from their recent experiences:

"Now I know how absolutely important it is for someone to feel a) not lonely; b) like they are being respected by people around them."

I think that the key to both comes from understanding. Unless you understand someone, it's hard to respect them; and more seriously, one of the biggest drives people have in life is to not be lonely - and people feel lonely when they are misunderstood, but not at all when they are understood.

I don't know how to weigh being understood against all the other factors that matter, but I think that's it's one of the biggest keys - in life, in marriage, in respect. Find someone who understands you - really understands you. If they do, a lot of the rest becomes doable.

Actions vs. Thoughts

I left a comment yesterday on Jewish Atheist that I probably should have thought through better, but regardless:

I care FAR more about how people practice than what their motives are, so long as those motives will not be affecting me at any point.

I'm wondering how true it is, but Cara (thanks Shoshana, SaraK) has a wonderful post that really asks the question a lot better as she does a little self-introspection. Excerpt:

Why do I bring this up? Because, for the past month or so, I've found myself really questioning why I do what I do. Why I live my life this way. Don't worry, I'm not falling off the derech. Just taking a close look at who I am right now. For example, do I only wear skirts because I truly believe that wearing pants is beged ish, and not tznius? Or do I only wear skirts because I'm used to it and would feel awkward going outside in pants? Or do I only wear skirts because it's what people expect of me? The act remains consistent- I only wear skirts. But the motivation is so very different. I'm trying to figure out what motivates me right now, in this current phase of my life. If I'm doing what, according to some, is the right act but for the wrong reasons, is that enough?

Jewish Rock

I enjoyed these videos from Summerfest by PsychoToddler and his band...

Quote of the Week

I meant to post this yesterday, but... well, here it is, by RaggedyMom:

Conversations that involve a combination of medical and halachic issues usually sound like some version of this:

Doctor: "Look, RaggedyMom, I'm not your posek, but..."

Rabbi: "Listen, RaggedyMom, I'm not a doctor, but..."

I'd say that the two of you kind (other) men in my life need to just get together and talk it all out!

Imagined conference call (sounds a lot like planning a date):

Doctor: Hey Rabbi, what do YOU want to do?

Rabbi: Dunno, Doc. What do YOU want to do?

Okay, guys. Give me a call when you're done.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 7/25: Bye-bye, 23

No, Lebron's not leaving. Another 23 is. More on that later.

Meanwhile, here's some good stuff out there in the J-blogosphere in an otherwise slow post-Tisha B'Av day...

• 5) Musings discusses the biggest problem with the investigation of Michael Vick's troubles - people care more when people hurt animals than people. Sad.
  
• 4) Shoshana needs a place to live, preferably Passaic. Anybody know of anything?
  
• 3) DAG notes a very good response by Rebbetzin Jungreis to the person questioning whether to disclose their son's being bipolar to a potential spouse.
  
• 2) Pearl wants to stop making excuses.
  
• 1) BeyondBT has a great post by Eliahu Levenson on Adventures in Hachnosos Orchim. While our own challenges with our (thank God) many guests are very different, I can relate to a lot of what he writes about. A great post, and kudos to BeyondBT for printing it.
  

Enjoy your music, meat, and haircuts!

Heroes

I liked this post by Neil.

Things are getting a bit cluttered, so I'll just list the posts I've found interesting (whether I agree or not) on Noah Feldman's Orthodox Paradox, which was an article in the New York Times Magazine discussing his own experiences and thoughts on Modern Orthodoxy:

My own take


R' Glicksman from YU:

I am certain that someone characterized as brilliant understands how inappropriate it is to bring a non-Jewish fiancee to an official
celebration of a yeshiva. The entire raison d'etre of such a school is to produce another generation of Jewish children.

R' Gil Student at Hirhurim:

After thirteen years in yeshiva, you knew very well that by marrying outside of the Jewish faith that you were committing the ultimate slap-in-the-faith to the community in which you were raised. The community in general does not want to completely cut off ties with you. But certainly a smart man like you knows that it can no longer hold you high as an example of one of theirs who succeeded. You didn't.

Chana at CuriousJew:

When you look back on this piece, you will note that it is only a collection of unsupported personal experiences at a particular high school which the author has taken to be universal and characteristic of an entire affiliation, Modern Orthodoxy. He subsequently engages in grand posturing and oscillates between trying to "defend" the poor, uneducated but well-meaning followers of this sect and trying to condemn them.

Sarah of Chayyei Sarah:

As I just said to a fellow alumna who also read the article, "Noah is right. He's right, and he's an a**hole." I say this not because he has "aired dirty laundry" to the non-Jewish world -- he has, but often that has a place -- but because he's a hypocrite in his application of liberalism.

R' Shmuly Boteach:

Worse, the practice is a lie insofar as it propagates the false notion that our Jewishness is measured only in terms of our being a link in a higher chain of existence, and that our Jewish identities have meaning only through our children. This absurd notion would deny they idea of Jewish individualism and how we are Jews in our own right.

Jewish Atheist:

Deciding not to publish the photograph, adding a disclaimer, or even attaching a letter from a Rabbi addressing why intermarriage is unacceptable would have been one thing, but falsifying a photo to pretend that a person doesn't even exist is dishonest and shameful.

Jewbiquitous' Annie & Harley (discussion form):


Annie: You don't send your kids to Jewish day school to make them marry Jews, you send them to day school to teach them Jewish content. By any metric, Noah is a success: he is a well-respected academic, clearly not lost to the Jewish community and knowledgeable about Jewish texts.
Harley: Does Jewish education begin and end with Jewish texts? Wouldn't many argue that it's also as much about what happens between classes?

Harry Maryles at Emes V'Emunah:

Engaging with modernity does not mean that one must worship at the alter modernity.

A comment (#3) posted on Orthomom of a letter by an associate professor at Emory:

Mr Feldman has made choices that openly repudiate his Orthodox upbringing and the values of the Maimonides School which he attended. The laws of this country grant him the freedom to do so. The Maimonides School has the right to repudiate individuals that repudiate their values. Mr Feldman has no right to compel a school to accept his values.

Tzvee:

Did you call the chairman of the board of the school and talk to him? No mention of that in the article.

So you don't complain to the leadership of your school. You go to the NY Times Magazine. How nice of you.

The only paradox here is your behavior.

Missing the Point

From Noah Feldman's Orthodox Paradox, which appeared this weekend in the New York Times Magazine:

It is more than a little strange, feeling fully engaged with a way of seeing the world but also, at the same time, feeling so far from it. I was discussing it just the other day with my best friend — who, naturally, went to Maimonides, too. The topic was whether we would be the same people, in essence, had we remained completely within the bosom of modern Orthodoxy. He didn’t think so. Our life choices are constitutive of who we are, and so different life choices would have made us into different people — not unrecognizably different, but palpably, measurably so.

I accepted his point as true — but for some reason I resisted the conclusion. Couldn’t the contradictory world from which we sprang be just as rich and productive as the contradictory life we actually live? Would it really, truly, have made all that much difference? Isn’t everyone’s life a mass of contradictions? My best friend just laughed.

There are a number of ways to approach his fascinating, detailed piece, but I think that these last two paragraphs show best how he missed the point. Feldman is primarily upset that his alma mater, the Maimonodies school in Brookline, MA, cut himself and his - non-Jewish - wife (then girlfriend) out of a picture from their 10th high school reunion. He then proceeds to analyze through his own worldview that which he finds to be the "Orthodox paradox" of Modern Orthodoxy, toeing that line between secularism and religion very precariously.

The problem with his piece is that he just doesn't get it. To some extent, Gil summed this up best: (emphasis mine)

After thirteen years in yeshiva, you knew very well that by marrying outside of the Jewish faith that you were committing the ultimate slap-in-the-faith to the community in which you were raised. It was and remains your choice. This is a free country and it's your life to live. ...

The community in general does not want to completely cut off ties with you. But certainly a smart man like you knows that it can no longer hold you high as an example of one of theirs who succeeded. You didn't.

Gil is focusing on the communal aspect, but I think it's even stronger than that - it's the educational aspect. It's not just that Feldman is complaining that he has been cut out; his example is possibly from the place where it makes the most sense to be cut out: His school. From his school's standpoint, he is quite possibly one of the worst examples of a graduate in terms of the education they are giving to their students: A brilliant mind, a Rhodes Scholar, a valedictorian at Harvard, a Truman Scholar... and yet, married to a woman who is not Jewish - a man whose children will not be Jewish either. To a religious school that strives to show how one can balance a religious lifestyle with the secular world, this demonstrates the complete reverse.

And yet, despite all of this, his school seems to be happy to have him at their events. They have not truly cut him out as implied; he admits and is proud of his close ties with many of his old friends. Clearly, they, too, have not cut him off. They are happy to see him, have no problem talking to him, consider him their friend - but at the same time, they aren't going to praise the choices of his with which they do not agree. His friend is absolutely correct, and the irony is that while Feldman sees it, he doesn't understand it:

Our life choices are constitutive of who we are, and so different life choices would have made us into different people — not unrecognizably different, but palpably, measurably so.

Feldman's mistake is that he gets caught up in that dream of youth, one that often finds itself in liberal and academic ideology - a noble one to be sure, but unrealistic. I saw this quote recently and think it is perfect in this case:

“The charm and insolence of youth is that it is everything in potentiality and nothing in actuality,” wrote the Spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset.

Jonathan Rosenblum summed it up well over there:

It is characteristic of young people to hesitate in the face of the seemingly infinite possibilities before them; they know that walking through any door will foreclose others and signal the end of their infinite potential.

Feldman (and all of us, really) don't like this idea. We love the idea of infinite potential; we can't stand when that is taken away from us. People hesitate to marry because they constantly wonder if there is 'something even better' out there; they don't take a job offer in case an even better one gets brought to their attention. But while this can sometimes pay off in the short-term (albeit rarely), one cannot do this forever or they will never have either. It is for this reason (among others) that a person cannot afford to out-think their biggest decisions in life, or they will never be able to accomplish much; there is no such thing as the 'perfect' woman, and the 'perfect' job doesn't just land in your inbox all that often. You marry the girl whom you can love, grow with, and be happy with despite all their flaws and who accepts you despite all of yours; you take the job that offers the best balance of income, security, and contentment.

Feldman, however, questions why this must be so - why can't we choose both paths? Why does choosing one automatically exclude the other?

Couldn’t the contradictory world from which we sprang be just as rich and productive as the contradictory life we actually live?

No! We make choices in life, and those choices do make us measurably different. This is why the article ends with his friend's laughing at him. Once he has admitted that he is unwilling or unable to accept that clear and obvious point, there simply is nothing left to say.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 7/23: Noah Feldman

MordyS brought this article to my attention here on Saturday night; Chana, Gil, Sarah, and surely countless others have or are going to weigh in. Elsewhere, LOR has a good post about Matisyahu's leaving Lubavitch and the example he is setting in general.

I'm actually going to write my own thoughts in a separate post, I just decided. Meanwhile, feel free to take the poll on the left, and if you've got 10 minutes to kill, fill out that blogger reader survey. It's actually quite interesting to see the answers so far, but they're from a small sample.

Finally, can everyone please stop writing about Harry Potter?! Some of us didn't order it for the first day, let alone finish reading it already!! Geez! ~ Thanks, Ezzie (Though thanks to most of y'all for warning people at the beginning of the post.)

UPDATED: Jewish Atheist, Shmuly Boteach.

Haveil Havalim #126

...is up at R' Chaim HaQoton.

Slug Help Needed

UPDATE: A friend came and flushed the slug. Mission accomplished.

A helpless young maiden in the town of Baltimore with an intense fear of slugs needs immediate assistance in removing the one that is currently sliming its way across her room. If you're nearby and can help, please contact me immediately at gmail.

Excerpts: (with 'translations')

omgomgomgomgomgomgomg
HGUE SLUG
ON M CARPET
(Oh my god, there's a huge slug on my carpet.)

I can deal with other bugs (uh huh)
but not slugs (eeeew [runs!])
HELP

i cant
i mamsihc ant move (mamish can't - it means more if you say mamish)
help

me: shall i call 911 in balto for you?
they might get really annoyed
her: chaverim maybe

its moving (shocker)
shreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk (no translation needed)

i cant
i can go near it (can't)
or sal (salt)
but i cant
im gonna throw a bown over it (bowl)
a big bowl so i dont miss

new status message - a husband or a big bro would be nice right about now!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhh help 1:08 AM (ooo, shuddich opportunity! spoken like a true young jewish girl)

okay i got a huge bowl adn threw it over it and then stacked textbooks on top, do u think that will hold it under, even if its on carpet?
me: lol no
it's a slug
her: SO??
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? (i didn't learn science, i went to Bais Yaakov!)
me: no bones
her: ogm (oh my god, for the 1000th time - about now, she completely flipped out)

CALL ANY MALE (woohoo, shidduch!)
THAT MIGHT BE AWAKE (woohoo, shidduch!)
ILL LEAVE MY APT SO THERES NO YICHUD (wooh - wait a second, that's not right...)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (i could use a guy...!)

no (to pouring salt)
i cant do that (don't hurt the poor slug...!)
i cant
help
please

ezzie seriously
im freaking out (shocker)
i cant explain they r worse than bugs

right now its udner the bowl i think and i wont move the bowl
and i dont want a dead slug (just a flushed one, because that way I don't know it's dead.)
im literally freaking out

NOI WONT SPRAY IT
me: well, what do you want exactly!?
her: someone else to get rid of it (preferably a guy, 20's, funny, good personality, good-looking, who can always get rid of bugs...)

im calling friends to see if anyone is ok with slugs (or knows a guy who is!)
or awake
me: well, unless you call someone, you're stuck
it's 1:15!

i CANT handle the slug
give me anything else
me: how come?
her: but im literally petrified
i dont know cant u udnerstand phobias!??!

u dont understand, im hyperventilating, crying

Hey, at least she has a sense of humor while she's freaking out... I think she needs someone to get rid of that slug.