Cut The Pickle

Give me a five! [Smack!]
Up high! [Jump!]
Down low... [Reach down...]
On the side - [Backhand - ]
Cut the pickle! [Slice!]
TICKLE TICKLE!!! [laughter]

~ Classic children's game

I'm curious - if you have a pickle, how do you like it cut? Do you like it whole? In halves? Quarters? Slices? Does it depend on the pickle?

Personally, I'm a quartered pickle guy. Yesterday, this was a big problem. I went with iPay to Mendy's underneath where we work, and along with my soup-and-half-a-sandwich, they gave me a pickle, sliced.

Into halves.

Now, ordinarily, this wouldn't be such an issue - I'd get a knife, slice it into quarters, and that would be it. But we had a problem. The knives are all the way by the door... and we were sitting on the table all the way on the other end in the corner. And Mendy's was PACKED. (It was bad enough I had to sit with my back to a lot of people...! Stupid iPay.) So now there were issues going up against one another: Eating pickles that are in halves (what iPay called "neurotic") vs. getting up and walking to get a knife and coming back (what iPay called "OMG you're SO lazy!").

We were sitting and talking for a few minutes while she finished her food, and I sat there staring at my pickle every once in a while debating. iPay would say things like "Just EAT it already!" and "You're crazy", which were eminently helpful. Meanwhile, I made sure to keep the pickle perfectly together so it would be easy to slice it should I decide to get a knife. Finally, after a number of minutes of debating in my head, I made a decision.

I took a bite.

iPay looked at me in near shock, though I don't think she noticed that I still made sure not to eat the final bite on either half (the bottom of the pickle, way worse when eating a half!). I'm not sure what troubled her more - that I had the dilemma to begin with, or that I wouldn't get up to get a knife As I finally explained:

"Today, my laziness had a long, rough battle with my neuroticism*. My laziness won."

It's a short, busy Friday to cap a short, busy week. Have a wonderful Shabbos, everybody.

* - I know it's neuroses. But neuroticism sounds so much cooler.