Wednesday, June 04, 2008

My Fair Shidduch...

...wait---was that too personal?

Let me state at the outset that this obviously contains a caricaturization of The Shadchan.
There are many fine people out there who do many wonderful things in their undying, and more often unrecognized & unappreciated, efforts on behalf of the dating public.

We kid because we love.

(I thought about keeping with the original intent but unlike some others I do not ascribe to a feeling of inherent superiority to those sitting across the proverbial table from me)

--The following is intended strictly for the private use of our audience. Any reproduction or re-use in any form or by any means without the express written consent of the NHL is strictly prohibited.--

Well after all, Pickerstein, I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants...
An average man am I, of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
doing whatever he thinks is best, for him,
Well... just an ordinary man...
BUT, Let a Shadchan in your life and your serenity is through,
she'll redecorate your home, from the cellar to the dome,
and then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you...
Let Shidduchim in your life, and you're up against a wall,
plan a date and you will find,
that she has something else in mind,
and so rather than do either you do something else
that neither likes at all
You want to talk of work or school,
she only wants to talk hashkafah,
You go to eat or to a lounge,
and try not to transgress "Date Halachah",
Let a Shadchan in your life and you invite eternal strife,
Let them buy their wedding bands for those anxious little hands...
I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling
than to ever let a Shadchan in my life,
I'm a very gentle man, even tempered and good natured
who you never hear complain,
Who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein,
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips,
the sort who never could, ever would,
let an insulting remark escape his lips
Very gentle man...
But, Let a Shadchan in your life, and patience hasn't got a chance,
she will beg you with advice, your reply will be concise,
and she will listen very nicely, and then go out
and do exactly what she wants!!!
You are a man of grace and polish,
who never spoke above a hush,
all at once you're using language that would make a Rabbi blush,
Let Shidduchim in your life, and you're plunging in a knife,
Let the others of my sex, tie the knot around their necks,
I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
than to ever let Shidduchim in my life
I'm a quiet living man,
who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room,
who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb,
A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys,
who likes to meditate, contemplate,
far for humanities mad inhuman noise,
Quiet living man....
But, let a Shadchan in your life, and your Sabbatical is through,
in a line that never stops come dates in black skirts and black tops,
who come to jabber and to chatter
and to tell her what the matter is with YOU!,
they'll all have booming boisterous fathers,
who will ask why you're not learning,
they'll have a large wagnarian mother,
with a voice to set the dead a'turning,
Let a Shadchan in your life
Let a Shadchan in your life?
Let Shidduchim in your life?!...I shall never let Shidduchim in my life

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  1. But wow - Pickering and Higgins are so old in that version.

    My Fair Lady is the best. :D Nice work, G.

  2. Item number five for the Shidduch Musical... We're getting there...

    This was fun!

  3. If a shadchan is going to get skewered then at least let it be done skillfully in the manner in which you did. Et tu, Brute!

  4. Hey, we just about have a full length musical now. This is a great moment in shidduch-blogging history.