If there is one message that I'd love for parents to "get" it would be for them to allow kids to be THEMSELVES.R' Horowitz with a plea or two for parents:
Please, please ignore your neighbors and societal pressure and l’maan Hashem do what is right for your child. I have seen far too many children sacrificed on the altar of “what will the neighbors say?” Keep your eye on doing what is right for your child. That’s all that really matters.
chinuch l'na'ar al pi darcho . . . truer words were never written
ReplyDeleteChanoch lnoar al pi darco sometimes gets clouded with an easier tolerance for failure.
ReplyDeleteParents should aim high with their expectations rather than constatly tolerating failure which teaches the child to expect less from himself. This is the reason for the modern epidemic of "i dont test well" . you know how many young yeshiva students use that line? it is absurd. it is the excuse for being lazy because there is no real japanese academic discipline in the yeshiva system. its all "chanoch lnoar al pi darco" which though is a sound practice, gets confused with tolerance for failure.
If the parents are always trying to be like the neighbors or afraid what other people are thinking of them the kids are obviously going to pick up on this.
ReplyDelete-->there is no real japanese academic discipline in the yeshiva system
ReplyDeleteNow THAT I did not see coming
EK - Amen.
ReplyDeleteA Yid - That's definitely a legitimate concern, but that's someone who is not truly parenting their child according to what is right for them. What is right for those children is a slightly stronger approach, one which demands that they strive for success, not just try and float their way through.
FWQ - Excellent point.
G - Heh. :)
A perfect example.... I know a guy who got busted with some pot and was court ordered to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. His parents refused because of their fear of others finding out, and of the child accounting the poor decisions they made every step of the way. This is something I cannot understand... What possible harm can come from helping your child gain control of his life. he's obviously not doing a very good job on his own.
ReplyDeleteParents are duty bound to put their children and families before themselves. This is not a choice or an option.
I am unsure as to the relevance of Chanoch Lenaar al Pi Darcho. This simply means that people learn differently and you should allow them the opportunity to grow in their own direction. Individuality does not have to be a contradiction to the system. I had a math teacher who managed to personalize the most objective subject of all.
Ezzie,
Only people like yourself, and others who refuse to stand by quietly can effect change in the way we try to keep up with the goldstein's.
You should be zocheh to all that is good in this world, and see your only bracha and mazal for you and your family.
-Mel
-->Ezzie,
ReplyDeleteOnly people like yourself, and others who refuse to stand by quietly can effect change in the way we try to keep up with the goldstein's
Wait, wait, wait. GoldSTEINS? Aw man, and here I thought that all I had to do was keep up w/ the GoldISH's. Oh well, time to raise the bar a little :)