Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mom, Clevelander

(Bad4, Erachet, RaggedyMom, Moshe, the apple, et al - enjoy. :) )

I'd like to wish a hearty congratulations to my mother, who I realized has recently been able to supplant her status as someone from New York City by having spent more time living in Cleveland. This now classifies her as a Clevelander, rather than a New Yorker. (Perhaps not much of a step up, but a step up nevertheless! :) )

My brother, however... poor guy. He better move to Milwaukee if he hopes to have a chance at losing his New Yorker status. Pretty sad for a guy with a "now leaving New York" sign on his entrance way...

To my dear SIL, here's your count:
  • 3+ years NYC
  • 1 year Indianapolis
  • 9+ years Cleveland
  • 8+ years Milwaukee
  • <1>
  • 11.5 years NYC again
Yeah. Definitely a New Yorker. Sad, really. I mean, he's coming up on 15 years of his life here. 15 years!! Oy.


  1. Ezzie,
    You're a math person and yet you've left out some truly important variables that affect your formula.

    Does your brother still have anything at all that is being stored in your parents' home in Cleveland, even if it is his old report cards? Subtract 73 days for each item from the number of years lived in NY.

    Has he spent 2 or more consecutive days out of New York in each calendar year? For every year he has done so square the number of hours so spent, add a coefficient of 18 and the resulting number is days to be subtracted from how many years he has lived in NY.

    Check the Immigration Blue Book for Displaced Out of Towners, Section 417, sub-section 46A, and you will find other formulas that are applicable. For example, subtract 37 days for every time someone has said "You have an accent. Where are you from?" Or if you have lived OOT in a state that most people cannot find on a map, subtract 274 days. Double that if you have lived in more than one state that people cannot find on a map.

    I think you may find that your brother has "lived" in NY less time than you are figuring.

  2. ProfK - Sorry, I always hated fake math. Simple numbers is all I use.

    Plus, any book that references a term "Out of Towners" is by definition NY based and therefore inherently flawed.

  3. As you said, time spent in our apartment doesn't count because it has non-New York status. Anyway, he still has his OH drivers license, car is still registered in OH, and if you ask him where he lives, he'll say we're in NY now, but we don't REALLY live here.

  4. SIL - Sorry, but I don't think you can retain non-NY status when it's such a NY style of living. :)

    I still don't get how he can do the OH thing, by the way.

    And yes - he can say it all he wants, but after a decade or so with not even any end in sight, I don't think what he says matters. :)

  5. By the precept of majority rules, your family is a New Yorker one, Ez. Sorry.

  6. Nah. I'm older than Serach, and kids don't count until they're 10 and obnoxious.

  7. Ezzie, it doesn't take until age 10 for kids to get obnoxious.

  8. Obnoxious in terms of where they're from. :)

  9. Ah, yes.
    Ezzie is making excuses for his NEW YORKER status.

  10. Majority still rules, whether you're older or not. And besides, three years is a chazaka. You've been here more than three years. Again, sorry. :D

  11. No, that would make everyone a NYer. If you're here while in college or dating, you're temporary, and the years are not counted when deciding status.

    We'll just start from when I finished college. :)

  12. CHEATER.

    Not everyone comes to New York for college. Once you've been here three years, you're judged the way all New Yorkers are judged - you live here, but do you act like it? :)

  13. How'd I cheat? NYers cheat, not me.

    I didn't say people come only for college, but those who do (at least to Touro or YU affiliates) certainly shouldn't be punished with NY status because of it! Therefore, college years do not count. I've been here 2 years. (Or 0, depending on how you count.)

    [Seriously - do you think Fudge or SJ are NYers?!]

    And c'v, I hope I don't act like it!

  14. "We'll just start from when I finished college."

    ...FinishED? :P

    Cheating, yup.

    I think my point still stands. If you're here three years or more, you've got a New York chazaka. By your logic, just because I'm born here but don't have a New York mentality - so I should be punished with New York status?

    If we go by your logic, I haven't lived in New York either. I've never lived here of my own accord - I was born here, then I went to school here...and I'm still in school here. :)

  15. Silly Erachet.

    I never said school - just college. And as I said, NY status is based on your years here, not how you act. There happen to be NYers who don't act like ones and nons who do, but that does not change their status. You are a NYer, just lucky for you, you don't act like one. :)

  16. OMG
    I'm sorry to intrude but I just cannot stand idly by and allow my dear fellow Clevelanders to be labeled New Yorkers.....
    I don't believe the formula for being a NYer lies in how many years you've been living here......I do believe the correct formula is-to paraphrase
    "Leebi baCleveland" va'Anochi (Nebach) B'Toch New York"
    If you are a born Clevelander
    your heart remains in Cleveland-
    then no matter where you find yourself
    you are a Clevelander!
    Enough said!
    from a fellow displaced Clevelander who will always remain a Clevelander

  17. Anon - LOL. I loved the (Nebach). :)

  18. Well, I recently did MY math..
    I lived in NYC for 11 years, then Monsey (or as some peole would ask--Upstate? !!) for 10, and Toronto for 9!
    I figure once I hit the 10-year mark for E"Y I'm in great shape (we're not quite half-way there!)!

    We miss you and your girls!
    lotsa' love
    (if anon, b/c signing in is messed up...