Is a Rabbi's name more important to us than a victim's soul? How many Jewish spirits are we willing to sacrifice to make sure dirty secrets and skeletons remain hidden and locked in a closet? I wonder how many people have turned away from Judaism because the rest of the Jewish world and its leaders were silent to their suffering. I hear time and time again, "it can't happen here", or "we're Jews, we don't do that". Just because we're Jews doesn't mean that we live in some protective bubble that makes us immune to such horrors as domestic violence, molestation, child abuse, etc. Those that believe this are going to have their bubble popped sooner or later. Right here, right now, we can stop the bleeding.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Red Alert to the Jewish Community
Please read "Red Alert to the Jewish Community" by Oleh Chadasha. It is a brilliant post which showcases a letter she wrote three years ago in response to a sexual abuse story back then; her message is as true now as it was then. Perhaps it is even more urgent now, as we see that nothing was learned from the past. An excerpt:
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How true! How long did it take the yeshivas to get up to snuff with the drug problem thats been so rampant for years. It took them a long time to deal with children with learning disabilities.
ReplyDeleteI would venture to say that the problem with sexually abusive rabbis is evidence of a much more fundamental problem with the structure of Jewish leadership. It's hard to hold the leaders of personality cults accountable for their misdeeds. This is not disimilar with the problem of holding "divine right" monarchs accountable to the peasants.
ReplyDeleteJB-
Have they got the drug problem under control? It's been a while since I've been in Yeshiva.
I personally don't think that they have yet to bring the drug problem under control. I also feel that Yeshivas are refusing to acknowledge accounts of homosexual encounters in school due to their unnaturally strict policies to relating to the opposite sex. The amount of guys I know who have been accosted in school by one of their school-mates are numerous. It's not that these kids are necessarily gay, but because they are not allowed to talk to, let alone look at, members of the opposite sex, they have no idea what to do with their evolving hormones. Rabbis refuse to address this problem, because they would have to actually take an introspective look at what kind of community they've created via the ultra-strict rules that they've instituted. As with all the other problems, it seems to be that introspection that Rabbis and community leaders are refusing to do. They are refusing to take that long hard look in the mirror and facing the truth of their actions.
ReplyDelete-OC
(not much more for me to add then Ra Ra Ra...)
ReplyDeleteRe: Drugs - I *think* JBM meant that they're finally addressing it. I don't think it's under control, either.
This is not disimilar with the problem of holding "divine right" monarchs accountable to the peasants.
Good analogy.
Rabbis refuse to address this problem, because they would have to actually take an introspective look at what kind of community they've created via the ultra-strict rules that they've instituted.
Excellent way of putting it.
Let me say this, the coverup is what people will go down for...not the abuse...If they thought they were preventing a shanda, Boy were they wrong!!!
ReplyDeleteTrue. (Assuming that anything happens.)
ReplyDeleteDid anyone hera about some physical abuse that supposedly took place at the Mesivta of Greater LA?
ReplyDeleteNo, and I'd rather not have empty speculation here...
ReplyDeleteFair enough :-)
ReplyDeleteIt is unfortunate but EVERY community has their own problems. No one wants to admit to anything and this denial makes for things blowing up even greater when the problems start to get too big to just push away.
ReplyDeleteYears of denial mean that whole generations are growing up (in their 'bubble' communities) not knowing how to deal with problems (abuse, violence, technology such as the internet) because of "Rabbis refuse to address this problem, because they would have to actually take an introspective look at what kind of community they've created via the ultra-strict rules that they've instituted." It's a snowball effect.
Xvi - True. But some schools have started, which is a step...
ReplyDeleteSarah - Well put. Thanks.
"It's not that these kids are necessarily gay, but because they are not allowed to talk to, let alone look at, members of the opposite sex, they have no idea what to do with their evolving hormones."
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think the case would be if they were allowed to look at the opposite sex? Do you think we would have a different problem on our hands, involving girls and hormones? Just asking.
JustAsking - Yes, but that's an issue that can be seen and dealt with properly. Abuse is far worse.
ReplyDeleteJust asking, let's put it this way in terms of what these communities have done. Now, we all know that, on Shabbat, you're not allowed to move a pen lest you write with it. What these Rabbis have done is said that you're not allowed to enter the same city where there could be a block which might have a street which might have a house which might have a room which might have a pen in it, so you have no chances what-so-ever of touching and/or moving it, so you won't write with it.
ReplyDeleteIt's empirically proven that when you say no to everything and put ridiculous boundaries on a child, they will want to do that very thing because they want to know what the big deal is. I believe, and have seen anecdotal evidence of this through many of my friends, that the Yeshivot and Bais Yaakovs have worse problems when it comes to students and their rules regarding the opposite sex because of all of their restrictions. Here's how it goes: You're told you can't even look at a magazine with a girl's picture on it, or you will be exposed. You can't even look at or walk on the same side of the street as a member of the opposite sex. You can't even walk into the town's 7-11 or Starbucks because it's a known hangout for members of the opposite sex. All of these super high barb-wired fences are used in order to prevent boys and girls from "interacting" in a sexual way which might lead to sex.
So, you, just like any other 5 year old, decide to test the waters. They buy a magazine with a girl on the cover, and they don't melt, and no hair starts growing on their palms. Nothing happens. This doesn't seem so bad. Then, you decide that you are going to keep your head up and stay on the same side of the side-walk as a girl, you walk by eachother, and you see that you didn't feel outragiously sexually out of control, and you're not having sex with this person in the middle of the street. Nothing happened. That wasn't so terrible. Then, you make the ultimate choice, and you decide you're going to sneak around and find a group where both sexes get together, and you're going to talk. The first time, you're sweating, because you're afraid that those Rabbis told you not to do the other things because of what'll most definitely happen when you starting talking to girls. If you start talking, all of a sudden, you will be having sex on some couch. Talking=sex. But, then you sit down with the girls, and it doesn't turn into a big orgy. You're all just sitting around having a good time talking. Nothing more. This isn't so bad. What in the world were those Rabbis so afraid of?!? This?!? This is what all those rules were preventing me from doing?!? Then, you feel that everything that the Rabbis told you was crap. If talking to the opposite sex doesn't lead to sex, surely touching them won't either. So, you decide to experiment, and you touch. Your world doesn't turn upside down, you're not blasted by a bolt of lightening. You want to see what the Rabbis were talking about when they set all those boundaries, and you're gonna try sex.
I went to both types of schools. I went to Bais Yaakov as well as an integrated school with both boys and girls. Let me tell you, the amount of sexual encounters that occurred in my Day School was miniscule. We were called sluts and whores by the parents of the Orthodox schools because we hung out openly and freely with members of the opposite sex. Because we're open, and we don't have to sneak around, nothing is "taboo". Because of that, the desire to have sex just to experiment and see what all the fuss is about just doesn't happen. The fact that these boys and girls feel compelled to sneak around behind closed doors brings the problems that you see today.
Would there be a different problem if they were allowed to look at and talk to members of the opposite sex? Maybe, but they would nowhere near the problems that they have today. I can guarantee that.
-OC
Nice! Where you get this guestbook? I want the same script.. Awesome content. thankyou.
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Hi! Just want to say what a nice site. Bye, see you soon.
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