EZ Reads 3/21/11

Purim is always a good time to find out what people "really" think of you, so it was great to read yesterday and this morning about myself. Apparently, I am a brain-intruding, disheveled, pushy, annoying, sex offending stalker robot (I just know this is going to show up on Google). Congratulations to Diana on pulling the series off and to all the writers for the absolute hilarity; it's amazing how much of those posts were true (er, not the descriptions of me! Mostly...)!

Anyway, there are some really interesting reads out there from the weekend as life returns to normal and the world slowly ceases spinning.

• If Purim is over, are you starting to get ready for Pesach? Kosher on a Budget has you covered.
• A convert through the Vaad HaRabbonim of Queens is one a number of Orthodox converts whose conversions are not being recognized in Israel.
• Why do we let girls dress like sluts? Interesting excerpt:

  I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, "If I could do it again, I wouldn't even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?" [...]
  
  So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn't), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.
  
  Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don't know one of them who doesn't have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd "experimented" more.

• R' Gil posts the "secret" rules and guidelines most rabbonim follow when it comes to paskening halacha. Nothing too surprising, but still a good basic breakdown.
• Ha'aretz on the rising stakes of Kosher certification. Such politics, unsurprisingly, but also really interesting and the most in-depth piece I've read on the subject.
• Life in Israel has Netanyahu's interview with CNN on peace.
• Those French (Chassidish?) twins who do wedding routines do an ad for Jeunesse - not bad. I'm just wondering if they're 18.
• Hilarious cartoon on ADD vs. jerks at Doghouse... and xkcd has a great rejoinder to the "Year X called, they want their ____ back" line. I'm totally using that one next time.
• Crazy video from Spanish basketball - announcer is as good as the video.
  

Enjoy, and I hope everyone recovers from Purim well.

How i Met the Goldii part MMMMMDCCLXXIV

Of course I forgot to post earlier and after reading all these other posts I'm a little embarrassed to post my version..... Here goes!!

Ever since I "met" Ezzie thru the blog about 4 years ago he's been begging me to come for a shabbos. I always had excuses and never managed to make it for a visit. I think there was one weekend i ALMOST came for shabbos and then something got in the way. Ezzie brought that one up for months afterwards. After about a year of turning down shabbos invites from SerandEz i finally sent THEM an invite, to my wedding.

i couldn't believe they responded that they WOULD attend, and even helped me with some rides for friends coming in from The City. I still appreciate that - it's not easy to do favors in NY especially involving cars!!

When i was working on place cards at my mother's friend's house we were going through the "G"s and my mom's friend said "Hey, Ezzie Goldish, is he the one with the blog? How do you know him??" errr.....

I don't remember the details so clearly, i THINK i remember Ezzie coming over at Kabbalas Panim to say hi, but i could be making that part up. (Seeing as he has no clue about this Purim Shpiel, i can't even ask him to clarify the sequence of events) I probably have a valid excuse for not remembering every single face i saw that day, right?! I remember being surprised at how tall he was.

I *do* remember seeing Serach for the first time -- i was surrounded by loud, clapping, stomping bochurim (thank G-d my brother stood close by to act as a shield!) who were dancing their way backwards across the hall away from the chuppah room. I saw a hand wave at me from behind the mass of black & white suits - I stood on my toes and saw a petite girl in a dark sheitel waving at me. I couldn't figure out who she was until suddenly it clicked, it must have been Serach! Even Elianna was in attendance!

I remember when I was sitting on the men's side watching the shtick fly by (or cartwheel by) some posters appeared, made out of scotch tape (were the cereal boxes yours too? I can't remember). Someone on the men's side made shtick for ME!? Ezzie had teamed up with Gus to make some shtick that *i* would appreciate! He claims he's never made (shtick) signs before, but these were pretty professional.

And that's the story of how i met Serach -- and Ezzie! A few years later we finally stopped in for the Thanksgiving bash, i just remember being so shocked at how quiet Ezzie was and how outgoing Serach was!

Once you meet the Goldii, there's no getting rid of them! they even visited us in our home a few weeks ago, way out in Hicksville. And bought the house next to us!

A freilechin Purim!
Stam/A2 & M2
--
Sent from my iPhone, please excuse any errors

How I Met Serach, Part MMMMMDCCLXXV

Back when I was in Stern, a bunch of my friends were into these things called blogs. I actually didn't know this because they weren't really my friends yet, but they were about to be. I had started my own blog and was curious what other Jewish blogs were out there. I stumbled across this blog called SerandEz and thought it was okay. I started commenting for the heck of it. Then, one day, I got an email. It was from this person named Ezzie. I emailed back and we corresponded this way for a little bit until I finally got a gchat from him. I did not know if we were friends or not, or even how to be friends with an internet person. How did I know he wasn't a robot?! I tried to stay distant but he kept trying to get me to talk. Somehow, I ended up at his house for Thanksgiving.

I knew by this time that Ezzie was, in fact, a robot. I don't know if you've ever been to a robot's house, but everything in it is electronic. The robot himself just sat in front of the computer all day. Luckily, that Thanksgiving was also when I met Serach. She knew her husband was a robot, but put up with it because of her love for his wide variety of polo shirts.

And that is how I met Serach.

How I Met the Goldishes: A Lifetime of Confusion, Part MMMMMDCCLXXII

by RaggedyMom

I'm not much for friendliness, having been raised in New York. But when I realized that a hapless young couple was living in my part of Kew Gardens Hills, I figured they might be worth getting to know, for the mockery factor if for no other reason. Boy, was I wrong! First of all, there are about 4,328 young couples living in Kew Gardens Hills at any given time. And those are only the ones within 2 blocks of Jewel Avenue! How did I have the odd luck of choosing this pair? It's a choice that will always leave me wondering...

Eventually, I did introduce myself to the Goldishes, but not before lambasting Ezzie on his blog for a very rare instance of New York bashing. And walking past him while he wheeled Elianna in her Snap-n-Go (time flies!) several times, trying to determine how weird it would be to say, "Hi, are you that guy from the blog?" And having him think that RaggedyDad was my red-headed male next-door neighbor for a while (though it would be nice to have even *one* redheaded child of my own. Just saying.)

Finally there came an ill-fated day when I did say a proper "hello" at the bus stop that is my front yard. I figured I'd say hi, maybe deign to smile, possibly subject myself to a Shabbos meal once a year, and we'd be good. Clearly I underestimated these people. Not only did they proceed to invite us to numerous events, they actually planted other people at these events who tried to befriend us as well. It was painful, at times. Mildly irritating, to be sure. We had been so happy leading our isolated existence until that point. There was so much smiling, good cheer, and acceptance. It was all so utterly... Midwestern.

Even more disturbing were the Goldishes' friendly overtures toward our children. Books, toys, and other similar props were shared in an attempt to win over the younger Raggedies. It was so transparent, and so very out of line. They somehow managed to memorize our children's names and to speak to them in friendly tones, engendering an immediate guise of closeness. Troubling, indeed, as our stoicness training had been going swimmingly until that point.

Looking back on the past four years, I can reflect back on the extent to which these interloping clowns have become interwoven into the very fabric of our otherwise blessedly anonymous existence. Several mutual friends, many Yom Tov and Shabbos meals that run for upwards of 7 hours, and yet more angst-inducing "hanging out" all attest to how uncomfortable this acquaintance has made us. I have spoken to several lawyers, detectives, hypnotists, gardeners, and cellists regarding this issue, and I am now at liberty to reveal that the Raggedies are taking the rather drastic step of moving to Guam this summer in a last-ditch effort to rid ourselves of the Scoldishes. Moldishes. Goawaylishes. Guam was chosen as a location with supreme unreliability of its Gchat, Skype, Facebook, cell phone coverage, carrier pigeons and message-in-a-bottle capabilities. Wish us luck.




Happy Purim to all of the denizens of the Goldish Pond, chag sameach, and thank you for our social life! We're crazy about you guys! 

How I Met Ezzie (And Serach) Part MMMMMDCCLXXI

One cool crisp autumn morning, SweetRose and I went to the pretzel shop (which we all sorely miss) to meet a blogger she new from the internet. Little did I know that he had just “played football”, as part of the orange team, and was in quite a state of dishevelment. Luckily I had my camera with me, and I can always look back at the time I first met Ezzie:

A few months later, after I had moved into the neighborhood, SaraK brought me with her to The Pond (aka Casa SerandEz). I met a lot of new people, and was having a lovely time hanging out with baby Elianna, when all of the sudden Serach started shouting “OH MY G-D!!!! GREY’S ANATOMY!!!” I looked at her awash with confusion and she said that she had seen these pictures on a mutual friend’s Facebook account

and couldn’t get over how I had met the cast.