A reflection by iPayTooMuchForMyHair
As another year passes by I am forced (yes, literally....) to ponder 365 days worth of events. One thing I can say for sure is that life certainly doesn't get any easier. The decisions we faced in the past seem to pale in comparison to those of the present. I certainly wish I could go back to Kindergarten with nap time and coloring inside the lines! But the truth is the only way to develop our character is to live and learn. If there is one thing I can take away from the past year it is that friendship (along with family, obviously) is priceless. Friends are the family you choose. They are there every step of the way when your family geographically can't be.
One of the binding factors that keeps me so close to my friends is that we are all going through the same "struggles" together. In the past year we all left our bubble lives and embarked on our journey into the supposed "real world". This bubble personally consisted of very little responsibility. I was 100% supported by my parents right down to every penny of tuition for the undeservedly overpriced Stern College. I will forever be grateful to my father for not leaving me loans in my name. And not only tuition; clothing, food, airplane tickets home, and anything in the realm of going out with my friends was entirely on another person's bank account.
After the ties to financial freedom were sadly cut, I began to understand what it means to pay all the bills (OK well maybe not all. I plan to be on my family plan til the day I die :) ), go to work every day, and still make sure to take care of my own personal needs at the end of the day. it didn't take me long to realize that I am an expensive person. It took some time to learn the difference between 'want' and 'need' and I still struggle with this sometimes after a whole year.
As another year passes by I am forced (yes, literally....) to ponder 365 days worth of events. One thing I can say for sure is that life certainly doesn't get any easier. The decisions we faced in the past seem to pale in comparison to those of the present. I certainly wish I could go back to Kindergarten with nap time and coloring inside the lines! But the truth is the only way to develop our character is to live and learn. If there is one thing I can take away from the past year it is that friendship (along with family, obviously) is priceless. Friends are the family you choose. They are there every step of the way when your family geographically can't be.
One of the binding factors that keeps me so close to my friends is that we are all going through the same "struggles" together. In the past year we all left our bubble lives and embarked on our journey into the supposed "real world". This bubble personally consisted of very little responsibility. I was 100% supported by my parents right down to every penny of tuition for the undeservedly overpriced Stern College. I will forever be grateful to my father for not leaving me loans in my name. And not only tuition; clothing, food, airplane tickets home, and anything in the realm of going out with my friends was entirely on another person's bank account.
After the ties to financial freedom were sadly cut, I began to understand what it means to pay all the bills (OK well maybe not all. I plan to be on my family plan til the day I die :) ), go to work every day, and still make sure to take care of my own personal needs at the end of the day. it didn't take me long to realize that I am an expensive person. It took some time to learn the difference between 'want' and 'need' and I still struggle with this sometimes after a whole year.
But we must not lose sight of what the importance of life is all about. I see all too often people that I know who graduate college, live away from home, haven't gotten married, and with each passing year they become more and more disconnected to their affiliation with religious Judaism. Personally knowing people in this situation makes me realize how strongly I never want this to happen to me. Our sole purpose in this world is to figure out our tafkid (designated job/purpose) and serve Hashem to the best of our ability while (hopefully) fulfilling that tafkid.
My friends are the people that I count on to keep me going on the right path. After all, life is a path, not a ladder (I don't know who gets credit for that line or if it even makes sense in this context, but Ezzie mentioned this to me today and I like it). We provide the support for each other to work through the daily obstacles and never judge one another for the decisions we make. Even if I have temporarily fallen, I know that they will be right there by my side to help me get back up.
Thanks for the little addition Ez.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to you that so much has changed in one year, b/c this has been a year of tremendous change for you. But if you're year does not contain any life altering changes (i.e., supporting yourself for the first time, getting married, changing jobs etc.)the years begin to blur and really one year does not seem like a whole lot of time....
ReplyDelete>and never judge one another for the decisions we make.
ReplyDeleteThats not possible
Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteTrue about life being a path, but I think in other ways it is very much like a ladder. Sometimes climbing is the only answer...
After all, life is a path, not a ladder
ReplyDeleteHmmm, sounds familiar. I think someone said that to me and I repeated it to Ezzie last shabbat. I think.
Someone once told me that life is like a spiral. You are hopefully going up, but you do come to parallel places that allow you to reach the next level because of new decisions you make regarding old questions. I like that. This person told me this Mashal when I was despondent over a lost love. He said that this person may have been right for you at that time, but you are not the same person anymore and a new person will appear to fit with the new level you are now at. New challenges, new people, nostalgic places that seem familiar, but are not exactly.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. You are so profound!
ReplyDeleteI see all too often people that I know who graduate college, live away from home, haven't gotten married, and with each passing year they become more and more disconnected to their affiliation with religious Judaism.
ReplyDeleteI unfortunately know quite a few people like this myself, and seeing what happened to my friends before I was in the situation myself (they were older) made me much more conscious of the possibility and the dangers. It made me much more determined not to make the same slide, and motivated me to find like-minded friends who would help me and support me in this (as opposed to the ones who make fun of my "frumminess").
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ReplyDeleteok, before i get myself into trouble...again.
ReplyDeleteNice post.
Now then...
"it didn't take me long to realize that I am an expensive person"
**looks at username icon**looks at above statement***looks at username icon**looks at above statement***...Nooooooo, you don't say.
Holy - On some level you're right. But with people who are my true friends I may not necessarily agree with all their decisions, but it's a lot easier to not judge them negatively.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous mom - I like the concept. But people constantly change - and they don't constantly divorce just to keep up with the person they become.
SaraK - Yeah these are a once in a lifetime type of post :)
G - That icon was not placed there by moi. I could change it, but it is just so appropriate. lol.
And you don't get to comment about me and my habits unless you are offering to pay my credit card bill.
"And you don't get to comment about me and my habits unless you are offering to pay my credit card bill."
ReplyDeleteI made no such comment as you are implying, merely an observation :)
As to covering your costs of living:
No thanks, I enjoy things like heat and food too much.
Best of luck with real life. It's a jungle out here. But fortunately, there are friends out here, too.
ReplyDeleteAbout that family plan, I hope I'm not the first one to inform of this, but some family health insurance plans kick the kids out after a certain age. In other cases, adult children lose their coverage after graduating from college. (Our son's coverage was summarily terminated on his 24th birthday, even though, having entered a 5-year program a year late, he hadn't graduated yet.) In all seriousness, you need a job that provides health insurance coverage.
Shira - I was talking about cell phones :)
ReplyDeleteI pay for my own health insurance these days....out of college, out of my parents home.
Oops! I guess my age is showing. :)
ReplyDeleteiptmfmh, that's not what i meant. when you are part of a couple, each grows up that spiral together in a sort of interlocking spiral. That's your responsibility, your commitment to the marriage. It is tough to negotiate individual growth within a marriage, but not impossible. But within your own spiral, there are experiences--not necessarily always related to romantic relationships--that you will view differently and respond to differently depending on where you are on that spiral. There will be similarities between experiences and challenges over the years, but you will not be the same.
ReplyDelete