The Great Line

I thought this interview was fascinating, particularly to anyone who reads blogs, is interested in journalism, or is interested in sports. If you happen to be interested in all three, it's amazing. (Warning: Some language, particularly in the first few minutes.)

The clip is from Bob Costas' show, and he is hosting on the show the editor of DeadSpin, which is one of the larger sports blogs that are out there, an older sportswriter, and [interestingly, and purely coincidentally] Cleveland Browns' WR Braylon Edwards. They all make very interesting, good points, though I actually found the most interesting ones to be from Edwards, making points from the athlete's point of view.

The discussion they are having is about blogs in general, particularly as measured against the old media, on a number of different levels - from presentation to tone to accuracy to portrayal to responsibility. It's a fascinating discussion, well presented [save a few interruptions], and Costas is unsurprisingly the voice of reason along with Edwards. There are a number of good lines and points throughout; feel free to share your thoughts on it.

BEHOLD! THE APOCALYPSE!...

...who knows what will befall us now that two of the greatest forces in all the world are now one...dark forces from the nether regions of the Internets...a lone warrior from the far reaches of the modern Judaic frontier...it's alive...it's aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive...SLIFKIN, THE BLOG!!!

Hooo, Ha!!

The Pacino Speech...

...is a hallmark of just about every movie that Al Pacino has made in his cinematic career. Normally it comes towards the end of the film and acts as sort of an intense soliloquy of all the emotional elements that his character has been dealing with. It is one of his calling cards and he is quite adept at it.
I was thinking what one of these speeches would look like if Mr. Pacino was ever to make a movie about the world of Judaism that we live in today. What follows is my attempt to hijack one of my favorites toward that end:

(Thank you, Rabbi.) I was warned not to write this here. I was warned. They warned me, "Don't post this up on that blog." But why should I heed such a warning when a People are silent and a national ideal lies all but dead? "Don't write about" this topic. Once upon a time a Jewish Community meant something! But I must write here, because we have not given ourselves what we should have. Until we can walk abroad and recreate ourselves, until we can stroll along the streets like boulevards, congregate in Shuls and Schools free from fear, our families mingling, our children laughing, our hearts joined -- until that day we have no community, no Am Yisroel. We can label ourselves a failure until that day.

The first and perhaps only great blogger was G. He was, G of Jerusalem, and he lived some 2500 years ago, and he said, "All things good of this earth flow into the community because of the community’s greatness." Well, we were great once. Can we not be great again? Now, I put that question to Am Yisroel, and there's only silence. Yet, could not something pass from this simple concept to us? Could it not empower us to find in ourselves the strength to have the knowledge to summon up the courage to accomplish this seemingly insurmountable task of making a community livable? Just livable.

There was a palace that was our communities. It was a palace! It was a palace and it can be a palace again! A palace in which, yes, there is Left or Right or Ultra or Modern or (horrors!) plain old Erlicheh Menschen…but ultimately Jews all -- subjects beholden to each other as well as to God, to make a better place to live. Is that too much to ask? Are we asking too much for this? Is it beyond our reach?! Because if it is, then we are nothing but sheep being herded to the final slaughterhouse! Do not go down that way!! Choose to fight back!!! Choose to rise, not fall! Choose to live, not die!! And I know, I know that this is within me and also within you!

That's why I ask you now to join me. Join me, rise up with me; rise up on the wings of this battered ideal. We'll rebuild on the soul of the “Am”. We will pick up it’s standard and raise it high! Carry it forward until this community -- your community -- our community -- His community -- is a palace of God! Is a palace of God!

I am with you, Am Yisroel.

I am you.

How I Met Serach, Part X

As today is our fourth (!) anniversary, it's as good of an excuse as any to continue this series.

This is Part IX of a series about how I proposed to Serach. Part I is here, Part II is here, Part III is here, and Part IV is here, Part V is here, Part VI is here, Part VII is here, Part VIII is here. Part IX is here. Or, you could simply use the dropdown menu on the left side of the blog titled "How I Met Serach".

We left off last time with Serach threatening to force me to eat raw fish. On our second date, that's exactly what she did.

After night seder, I got a ride into Manhattan. Serach was staying in a friends' dorm room on the Upper West Side, where at the time there was a small kitchenette under the lobby. While I thought she was kidding, when I showed up, there she was holding a couple of rolls of sushi - less "fishy" ones, but nonetheless, this was raw fish. The truth was that I didn't really know what sushi was - I kept imagining slimy herring, while in reality, the sushi was anything but. After much consternation and stalling, I finally took the chopsticks and put a piece in my mouth... and survived. Somehow. After a few more bites, I actually started to like the stuff, much to my surprise and dismay.

But I skipped a slightly important part. When I walked in, there were a few other people there. And those people, of course, were some of Serach's really good friends.

The truth was it was unavoidable. One friend's job was to monitor the lobby and halls. Another was on her way in or out. And another had come to visit the monitor. But I think that any guy is always a bit wary of meeting his date's friends early on, knowing that this translates into an analysis of every breath he takes, every move he makes, every single day, every time he prays... and here I was, sitting down on a couch across from three of Serach's closest friends, talking. Fun stuff.

Thankfully, somehow, I passed the test. It might have been my pathetic look when I saw the sushi; it might have been that I was about 50 pounds less than I am now. But Serach told me much later that one had commented to her later, not really joking, that if it didn't work out for some reason Serach should set her up with me. After the time spent in the lobby we went for a nice walk outside, and came back a couple of hours later. We sat back down with her friend the monitor and another one of the friends when another girl came into the room, with a guy... and they were both drunk. Serach was acquainted with but not really friends with the girl; after the girl wouldn't stop talking for a while, she turned to ask Serach who I was. Serach didn't feel like dealing with a drunk bugging her about her date, so she answered (to her friends' amusement) that I was her cousin. After a while, I believe the monitor friend - who was quite annoyed to have to deal with this - sent the girl up to her room and the guy she was with out the door.

This actually caused a funny story later on when we got engaged - the girl saw Serach and asked who the guy was; Serach asked her if she remembered meeting me that night in the lobby. The girl made a face and said "You're engaged to your cousin!?", before Serach laughed and explained that I was not actually her cousin and why she'd said it.

All in all, date two was a success - next time, Central Park & Starbucks.

Ezzie: I'm writing the story as I remember it, and unfortunately that sometimes results in skipping some details. When I remember them, I'll try to fill them in; possibly in the comments, possibly in the posts if it won't make it too disjointed. If anything is unclear or you have any questions, feel free to ask! Serach won't admit it, but she's been reading the story [and lately, other posts, too!] - maybe she'll fill in some of the details and her perspective at some point. I'm still hoping. :)

Well Waddaya Know XV

Last week's question and answer:

Eigenwelt means:

Relating to oneself	10 (28%)
Connecting to a higher power	1 (2%)
Being within one's social world	12 (34%)
Being among or within one's environment and the external world of objects and things	12 (34%)

From Shragi:

mitwelt = being within one's social world
umwelt = being among or within one's enviroment and the external world of objects and things

This week's question is up to the left!

Sabra Price is Right

Vintage SNL sketch

"It is our choices which make us who we are, far more than our abilities" - Albus Dumbledore

[Just, um, before I write a real post, just wanna say - I drove on the highway in the dark by myself last night! And I didn't get lost at all! Hooray!]

It's always really difficult not to compare yourself to others. People and their accomplishments are all around us, almost in an in-your-face kind of way. So how do you measure your own value without using other people as a frame of reference?

I was once having a conversation with someone and she mentioned that there is such a thing as a bechira decision vs. a decision that you make just because it makes sense at the time. A bechira decision, according to her, is a decision you make when nothing is pushing you in either direction - it's purely your own choice which determines which path you will take. You don't really know the bechira decisions of others and you may not even really know your own bechira decisions, but it is precisely those decisions which determine your true character.

In a similar vein, a person cannot truly be judged based on their God-given abilities. It's what they do with those abilities that provides a true basis for judgment, and the more you work on your talents, even those which aren't your strongest, the more you are worthy of being judged based on them. If you don't put in any effort on your part, then what do those talents say about you? Not much. They are gifts, but they are not accomplishments.

This way of looking at other people has really helped me realize - everyone is different. Everyone has different strengths and abilities, but just because one person seems to have been born a natural [fill in the blank] doesn't mean that person is better than me, it just means they are utilizing a gift from God. Although, then I struggle with - well, what are my gifts? Isn't a person's worth also including their God-given gifts? I'm not sure.

But I think the point is - a person's worth is not measured based on what they do effortlessly. Even if, to the outside world, it seems as though a person is very accomplished, talented, popular, brilliant...whatever trait you may admire - their real accomplishments in this world are those things which they've worked hard to achieve. Their true worth can be measured based on the real, bechira choices they've made. And once I realized that, I started to be able to measure myself in the same way. Just because I'm not as naturally talented as some people or as well-liked as others or if I ever feel under-appreciated...that isn't a measure of who I am. In fact, the harder I have to work for things, the more they're worth and the more of an accomplishment they are. The bigger the struggle, the more success is worth at the end. And that goes for everything. And the harder the choice, the more it says about who you are. But since we can never truly know just how difficult things are for people, we can also never truly measure ourselves against them.

I guess the real person we have to worry about measuring against is ourselves. It's just really, really, really hard to A. come to that realization B. internalize it and C. live by it.

Well Put

(Hat tip: Imma) I thought this was a very interesting interview - John Voight on his support for Israel, Israel, the Jews, and more.

The TIDE Turning?...

...one could be forgiven for thinking so.

From the Jewish Press:

Controversial Moments At Rav S. R. Hirsch Memorial Celebration

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By:Elliot Resnick, Jewish Press Staff Reporter Wednesday, June 25, 2008
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Speaking at the 200th birthday celebration of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch this past Shabbos, Khal Adath Jeshurun's Rav Yisroel Mantel declared that the philosophical credo of Rav Hirsch, Torah Im Derech Eretz, is not viable in the absence of its chief advocate.

Rav Hirsch was a 19th century champion of Orthodoxy and the founder of Khal Adath Jeshurun's parent community in Frankfurt, Germany.

Rav Mantel's declaration, which angered many in the community, came at a sit-down kiddush at Dr. Raphael Moller Hall in Washington Heights after Shabbos morning services. He said that only Rav Hirsch, a great man who knew the fine boundaries between what is religiously permissible and what is prohibited, could make Torah Im Derech Eretz workable.

Our generation, he said, must follow today's gedolei HaTorah (great Torah leaders).

After Shabbos, Dr. Eric Erlbach, KAJ president for over two decades, resigned.

The Torah Im Derech Eretz philosophy calls for the active engagement between Torah and culture and society.

Samson Bechhofer, a great-great-grandchild of Rav Hirsch, spoke first at the kiddush. The synagogue's choir conductor and a lawyer by profession, Bechhofer lamented the educational policies of the community's Yeshiva Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch school in recent years.

"If the goal of our kehilla and yeshiva is to have all of our sons and daughters end up in Lakewood – and I use Lakewood as a metaphor – then I submit that we are not being faithful to our founder's philosophy or Weltanschauung, nor are we doing the future of our kehilla any great favors," Bechhofer said.

Rav Mantel stood up and walked out of the hall at these words. He later returned and told the several hundred assembled that "grandchildren and lawyers" will not decide how to implement Torah Im Derech Eretz.

Other speakers at the 200th celebration Shabbos included Rosh Yeshiva Rabbi Meir Tzvi Bergman (the son-in-law of Rav Elazar Menachem Shach), noted columnist Rabbi Jonathan Rosenblum, and Rabbi Eliyahu Meir Klugman, Rav Hirsch's biographer.

Among their many remarks, Rabbi Bergman praised Rav Hirsch for his Chumash commentary, which has recently been retranslated; Rabbi Rosenblum lauded Rav Hirsch's philosophy of Judaism, from which, he said, many Jews can derive much-needed spirit and purpose; and Rabbi Klugman credited Rav Hirsch for teaching all of Orthodox Jewry how to live authentically Jewish lives in a world without ghetto walls.

Rav Mantel also highly praised Rav Hirsch during his sermon in shul, reminding the audience that Rav Yisrael Salanter (1810-1883) once said, "Where is there a Gan Eden big enough for Rav Hirsch?"

Speaking later at Seudah Shlishis, Rav Mantel credited Rav Hirsch for demonstrating definitively that Jews can plant the Torah in any culture.

Torah Im Derech Eretz, Rav Shimon Schwab (rabbi of KAJ from 1958-1995) once said, "means the Torah's conquest of life and not the Torah's flight from life. It means the Torah's casting a light into the darkness rather than hiding from the darkness. It means applying Torah to the earth and not divorcing it from the earth."
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKWARD

The Shidduch System

G asked a fair question in the comments at BadForShidduchim:

In all seriousness.

If The System is so messed up…if a large segment of society realizes this…if there is such frustration with the way things are…why is The System still the system of choice?

LWY responded that he thinks it generally works, as most frum people over 19 are married. Personally, I don't think that that shows that the system works; not only are a large segment of the people who are married people who never utilized the system, there are also those who skipped the system somehow, those who married their high school sweethearts (whether they were allowed to have them or not), and those who "used" the system to date someone they were interested in already. Moreover, as most shidduchim are ideas that people think of and then "set up", it is hard to say that going through the whole process was somehow better than if they simply had received one another's numbers and just started dating on their own.

But I decided to compile a quick list of ten reasons a person might choose to utilize the system despite its many flaws, and posted it in the comments at Bad4; I've decided to repost the comment here, and am curious what y'all think:

If The System is so messed up…if a large segment of society realizes this…if there is such frustration with the way things are…why is The System still the system of choice?

Possible reasons that a given individual might think of and therefore they would choose the system.

1) Works for some.
2) Fear of being “ruined” within the system if one tries to date outside of it.
3) Peer pressure.
4) Believe it is the best route because it is more “tznius”.
5) Believe it is the best route because it “works”.
6) Laziness. [Ex: Much of the work done by others on one's behalf.]
7) Lack of a decent alternative.
8) Inability to utilize other methods well. [Ex: Not comfortable asking someone out.]
9) Discomfort with rejecting/being rejected face-to-face.
10) [Note: Doubtful] Actually enjoys the process on a consistent basis.

I could go on with reasons why people might choose the system despite its many flaws. It doesn’t mean that the flaws don’t exist nor that they shouldn’t be discussed, and if possible, fixed.

As I once put it to a friend - anyone who wishes to work within the shidduch system should feel free to do so. Similarly, all those who don’t wish to work within the system should feel free to do so. Finally, all those who choose either of those directions should not be negatively impacted any time they decide to utilize the other.

Feel free to add on to/disagree with the list, and expound on any thoughts you have about the list in general or any part in specific.

Please Excuse The Mess...

...while we do some reorganizing here at SerandEz & Friends. Thanks for your patience!

Airbrushing Problems

R' Horowitz has an excellent piece on how to tackle problems - applicable from personal issues to communal ones. Excerpt from the communal side:

When a girl becomes very ill or worse as a result of anorexia, chas v’shalom, parents of teenage girls in that community who suspect that their daughter is anorexic reach out for help. A percentage of the girls will actually have eating disorders – upping the numbers of reported kids with such conditions. (This does not mean that more girls came down with eating disorders, only that the awareness caused more of them to reach out for help.)

But, then good things start happening. Schools bring in specialists to speak to the kids. Girls become more self-aware of their own eating habits. Peers eventually become informed enough that they can help their friends who are bingeing and purging. Eventually, eating disorder rates drop significantly, as the short-term publicity results in the long-term benefit of awareness and the creation of solution-oriented programs, that remain in place as the pain of the publicity subsides.

Jerusalem's Singles Scene

Since so many singles find their way to the SerandEz blog (and household), and there are so many fascinating discussions about dating and singles life here on this blog, I thought to direct your attention to a TV show shich debuted in Israel last night; Srugim.

It's all about the religious singles scene in the Katamon area of Jerusalem. While the actors are secular, they do a fantastic job (perhaps too good?) of portraying religious singles life in Jerusalem.

I wrote a whole post about it here, complete with video clips and all.

Perhaps we could invite the director, Laizey Shapiro to do a TV series on the singles scene in the SerandEz apartment?

All "Kollel"ed Out...

...seems to be the message being sent by some Kollels to their most senior members/prospects.

The Jewish Worker, Life In Israel & The Wolf all deal with the topic of older individuals being denied entry into Kollel. There are issues that pertain to individual Kollelim and to the idea of Kollels at large.

Very interesting discussions that are well worth some of your time.

TheJewishWorker:
I have to say this would never have occurred to me. I would never have thought that there is a phenomenon of age discrimination in kollels. I thought it was only in the secular world that there is a culture of youth. It seems that the Charedi world has been affected as well. Last week's Mishpacha magazine (in Hebrew) has a long article detailing the problem. It seems that Avreichim over the age of 40 have a very hard time finding a kollel to learn in...

LifeInIsrael:
The article described how Rosh Kollel's consider these men to be difficult to hold for a number of reasons. The main issue was sphere of influence. Rosh Kollels want to have influence on the guys learning in their kollels, and that is more possible with younger guys than older guys. Also older guys stick to the kollel schedule less. And older guys want more flexibility to learn their preferred material rather than that mandated by the kollel. Also there is the sense that if the guy is sitting in kollel for so long, he must not be successful - otherwise he would have started his own kollel or yeshiva...

WolfishMusings:
Bluke passes along some of the reasons given in the article. One of the reasons given is as follows: "Someone who is still just sitting and learning in kollel in their 40's is not going to become a Rosh Yeshiva, Rosh Kollel etc. The fact that they haven't moved up shows that they are not so successful."

When reading this, I'm left with a question: what, exactly, is the point of the Kollel system? Is it to produce the next generation of leaders/gedolim, or is it to have as many people as possible learn for as long as possible, for the learning's own sake?...

Still Wowing Critics

The second debut of Elianna! (The first was here)

xx xvsxsavfZaDCXDXYY5FFDAZCNL' vfw

Critics say:

"You can really see the development of her style over time." - The Blogging Times

"I am consistently in awe of her baffling intellect." - The Commenter

"She has created a new standard for the rest of us." - Etch-A-Sketch

Elianna is currently doing a study of penguins and will be writing her dissertation on the personal behaviors of both penguins and pudus. Did they evolve from the same ancestor or do they both just like being personal friends with people (especially hippopotomi)? This and other questions will be answered in Elianna's newest book, "Penguins and Pudus: Personal? Or spies for the mafia?"

Older Sisters

At some point, this blog will turn back into something of substance (really!), but in the meantime...

Elianna (2) heard Kayla (2 weeks) crying, so she went up to her and said "Sh! Sh! Kayga Naomi, Elianna poh*!"

poh = [is] here

So far, she's been really good with her. We'll see how long it lasts...!

Manna For Thought...

...given the events in this week's parshah.

Think of the various sects/groups/factions/divisions/wings/camps/parties/tribes within the current orthodox Jewish community.

Okay, you got 'em in mind? (I know, I know you're still coming up with them...takes a long time, huh? Well, that's something for a different post).

Now...given the choice, which ones do you think would choose to stay in the Midbar (desert) and which ones would choose to go into Eretz Yisroel?

Think it through for yourself...carefully and honestly think it through. The answers may surprise you.

A Very Important Lesson

The Na-Nach Swipe

There and Back Again

Wow, I hope I'm not pushing a lot of good posts to the bottom here but I really want to write this before I lose the inspiration.

Today was a huge milestone for me. Most of you probably don't remember this because it was back when my blog was still really new. Of course, that also came before this. I think that last thing, coupled with just general lack of confidence in myself that I had been struggling to overcome even before that happened, created an intense, intense fear and anxiety about driving - especially on the highway.

So yes, I had driven on the highway before. With my dad, that is. Today was my first time ever driving on the highway by myself. And you know what? I'm not going to say that the entire time was a picnic, because there were some parts where I was scared and uncomfortable, but it really was not as bad as I had worked myself up about it being.

I left my house around ten after two. Destination - The Pond, The Fortress of Super Sketch, Home of the Blogfather, Serach and Ezzie's apartment, whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

The entrance to the highway is about two minutes from my house so I didn't have too much time to think about it in the car before I was actually on the entrance ramp. I had to forcibly will my hands to steer the wheel so that I'd have no choice but to go onto the highway. And then, before I knew it, I was on. Just like that.

I was driving on the highway.

About twenty-five minutes and three highways later, I arrived at Serandez. I even have a sign to prove it! And then I got to hang around and help rip things up, which was fun. And we even squeezed in two rounds of boggle before I had to go (Apple was there, too).

The real adventure was the trip back.

I started off okay. Both mapquest and Ezzie provided me with directions on how to get onto the highway and then how to get home from there (again - three highways). The problem was - there was a lot of traffic and I hadn't realized that if I stayed in the right lane, I would automatically end up on a highway I didn't want to be on. By the time I noticed this, it was too late. I was a little nervous because I had absolutely no idea how to get home from the highway I'd just gotten onto but I figured if I got off at the next exit, I wouldn't be too far away from getting back on track. So I got off, but then didn't really know where exactly I was. I knew sort of, but I had no idea how to get back onto the correct highway. So I pulled over and called Ezzie. He very patiently gave me directions and, even though I was still nervous (because I always get nervous when I'm driving alone and don't know exactly where I'm going and can't visualize it), I got off the phone and went the way I was told. Thankfully, I had no trouble getting back where I needed to be.

Unfortunately, I also had no idea whether I was supposed to be going north or south, so when the highway split and I had to decide between the two, I chose the wrong one. I didn't realize I'd chosen the wrong one right away, though. It was only until I saw water, signs for the Bronx, and the Throgs Neck Bridge looming up ahead that I felt my heart sinking. Actually, I felt like I was just going to hurl. I did not want to go over any bridges and I did not want to end up in the Bronx. I was very, very scared because I couldn't even see anywhere to get off. It seemed like I had no choice but to go on the bridge.

Luckily, there was a little marina on the side of the highway so I quickly pulled over and called Ezzie again, this time shaking all over and nearly in tears (and then, yeah, in tears later). But after getting directions again and being told a few times that I can do it and that I'll be fine and after calling my mom, I braved the highway again. That was the worst part of the entire trip. I was so panicked. The thing is, I don't normally panic when things go wrong. I'm usually able to keep my cool and deal with the situation. I think. Depending on the situation, anyway. But certainly about getting lost - I always know I'll end up fine in the end. But not when I'm lost while I'm driving and especially not when it's taking all my energy just to feel comfortable driving on the highway when I'm not lost. I was tired and frustrated and just wanted to go home.

I was scared to get back onto the highway. I wasn't precisely sure where I'd end up and I was very close to the bridge. If I missed the exit, I probably would have no choice but to cross the water. In my mind, I was irrationally hoping someone would just come get me. But I knew that was ridiculous. Ezzie wasn't going to drive all the way out there and neither was my mom - and anyway, even if they did, there would be two drivers and two cars so I'd still have to drive.

No, there was no choice. I had to face getting onto the highway again. I had to face finding my way when I wasn't exactly sure what to do.

And I did. I faced it. I got onto the highway (which was scary on its own because there was no entrance ramp from the marina, I just had to get on in the middle of all these cars flying by), got off at the next exit (I almost didn't because I was confused for a minute but then, noticing the looming bridge again - which was actually very pretty, only not when I wanted to get away from it - I quickly made sure to get off), followed Ezzie's directions (a bit uncertainly because I wasn't sure I'd gotten off at the right place), messed up a little but fixed myself without calling again for help, got back onto the right direction on the highway and, after a lot of traffic, ended up back home.

The trip there: 25 minutes
The trip home: two hours

But once I got onto the part of the highway I was comfortable with, I was able to think a little bit without worrying whether or not I was following the right signs. That's when I realized - I'd just gotten a real, physical lesson about dealing with problems. It's something we all know - friends can help, but you're the one who ultimately has to overcome whatever obstacle is in your way. No one can do it for you. It comes up most often when dealing with advice and emotional issues or big decisions. Here, I experienced it literally. I was the only one in the car. I had no choice. I had to drive if I wanted to get home. I had to face anything and everything in my way because if I didn't, I'd be spending forever on the side of the highway. And when I was lost on the way, I could call for help, like I called Ezzie, but he couldn't actually drive for me. He could just direct me. I had to do all the driving. No one was coming to get me. No one was coming to do anything for me. I had to do it all myself. And I did. And I'm a better person for it - or a better driver, at least. Because I'm not afraid of highways anymore. I'm really not. I'm still nervous about getting lost, but I spent so long wandering around on different highways - how can I still be afraid of them?

I'm stronger. I know I can face things and I know I can succeed. Getting lost isn't failing, it's just learning. Yes, I was shaking all over, yes, I was scared, but it's okay. I still did it. I didn't wuss out. And that is bravery. I used to think I was the biggest coward because I was so afraid of things. But now I realize - being brave isn't having no fears. It's being terrified but doing it anyway because you know you have to.

I think I definitely grew from just this one experience. I gained a bit more confidence in myself that I didn't have before. And it was hard to get there, definitely. Growing pains are real, even non-physical growing. But growth doesn't come without pain, without fear, without struggle. Then it wouldn't be worth anything - if it came easily. It wouldn't be real growth. I had to face things I was terrified of and the more I faced them, the more I believed I could do it again. The more I believed I could face other things I'm terrified of. The more I believed in myself.

This lesson for me is certainly not over. It's really only just begun. But I'm getting there - I'll get there eventually. It might require encouragement and guidance still, but that's okay. It's okay to have help.

Anyway, thank you to Ezzie and Apple for making me a "you did it!" sign - it actually made me feel really good - and thank you a hundred times over to Ezzie for being really patient with me when I was horribly lost and for basically ensuring I didn't end up in some random place somewhere. So, yes.

And, uh, here's to better driving times in the future!

Our Goilet (Ghost Toilet)

I got home from work yesterday, and it sounded like someone was in the shower, but then my husband walked out of the kitchen. "Something's wrong with the toilet, I called C. (apt. handy man)" he told me.

Now, our building is old. Reaaaally old. For example, we only pay electricty and gas, since the heat and water in the building are configured in a way that can't be allocated to each apartment. The toilets are also old. They look and sound like the kind you'd find in a public restroom, with a silver handle you push down, and no tank. The sound is deafning.

So we go into the bathroom and he shows me how the water in the toilet is 'running'. The same type of thing on a normal toilet can be fixed by jiggling the handle or opening the tank and figuring out what's not closed. (I once fixed a toilet using nothing but a pony holder). But with out toilet there wasn't much to work with. We tried the sink, and the water pressure was very low. So we waited for C.

C. showed up and took a look at everything. He came to the same conclusion as us. There wasn't anything that could be fixed from our bathroom, but he did get a call that the apartment above us had a problem as well. He went to check it out and it was the same situation. He said he would try to call a plumber, but it was pretty late in the day.

He wasn't able to get anyone to come out, because no one was trained or experienced in such "antique toilets", "but someone should be there by 8am tomorrow morning" he told us. He then came back to the building because the lady downstairs had a different problem, her toilet was contantly flushing water, which explained the lack of water in the other 2 apartments. (Whenever someone turns on water, or flushes a toilet in the building, it lowers the pressure in the sinks and showers) So he went down to the scary boiler room next to the scary laundry room to turn off the water, because the lady downstairs' toilet's noise was driving her crazy. In our apartment, it stopped the running but that meant that it turned off our water too. So C. turned it back on.

Suddenly the toilet started flushing itself at random moments. My husband walked into the room and we heard a flush from the bathroom. We were practically on the floor laughing. Somehow over the course of the night things calmed down, and the water pressure in the snks returned with a flush here or there...

When i got home from work the noise was much louder than when i arrived home the day before. Our toilet was constantly flushing out the water that was pouring in. It sounded like Niagra falls. For hours it was constantly flushing, and C. said he'd come by....

He stopped by as I was resting from my toilet induced headache and turned the water off and on. The flushing stopped, but then the toilet did a ghost flush, but it's been quiet for the past few minutes. No one knows how to fix it, it's not normal!!!!

Behold, the "Goilet" (Ghost Toilet)