Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's Time

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to a friend discuss some difficulties they were going through with someone they knew well. As we discussed the various issues, it dawned on me that so much of what I was saying could easily be extrapolated to my own situation as well. Yes, there were obvious differences, but at the same time, there were some eerie similarities. I've always found it interesting and obvious at the same time how it's so much easier to help 'solve' someone else's problem than solve your own, even if they are exactly the same.

Similarly, something my cousin wrote recently about therapy struck home as well. (And perhaps it was ironic that he was here to raise funding to start a yeshiva that would be all about working on one's self...) Sure, we all know everything comes back to what we decide to do, but at the end of the day, we wait for so much else to happen first that is completely not dependent on ourselves... and that's the error. Today, the friend followed up and noted that they had successfully ended their difficult relationship. In the context of the conversation, they expressed how it was freeing to not be leaning on someone anymore. While noting that there are times where it's okay and appropriate to lean on someone, I had to agree wholeheartedly - it's so important to be able to be self-reliant in most aspects of life.

Of course, that doesn't necessarily make it easy.


  1. True, each case is different. If it's a strain and the relationship is not really good, then it's Not for them, and they are better off alone.
    But if they have a good relationship, then it's nice to have someone to lean on, while also being self sufficient

  2. It's easy to get stuck on an okay relationship (or even a good one that isn't for someone) if one leans too much. It can seriously harm a person's ability to be self-sufficient and/or their ability to create meaningful relationships with others. Certainly there are exceptions, but putting too much into a relationship that really isn't going to work is often unhealthy.