Balance

The discussions going on all over the J-blogosphere are nothing short of disheartening, and to that I have little to add that hasn't been said already. One point I would like to make, however, is about the side question of whether or not this is more of a "Modern Orthodox" problem than everybody else.

Personally, I agree more with Sephardi Lady than Harry Maryles that it is not just an MO issue, but I do think that there is a large difference in the causes that bring this problem about between the communities. It's almost as if the response people had to kids who were "off-the-derech" was to take things to the other extreme... and in the wrong communities. A decade ago, and continuing on through today, we see teens in yeshivish communities who feel like they have little freedom in the community 'rebelling' and doing all kinds of things, including those detailed in the above pieces. The (IMHO correct) response was pioneered by R' Yaakov Horowitz and others to encourage parents to not pressure their children unfairly [among other ideas] to ensure their happiness and discourage their desire to do a lot of the things they were doing.

But for some reason, it seems that parents in Modern Orthodox homes have followed the same ideas... but they should not have. The teens in Modern Orthodox homes are generally not doing drugs/smoking/drinking because they are too pressured, but often because the reverse is true: The rules and standards they are (or are not) held to are simply too loose. Where does a parent get the idea that allowing their teenage son or daughter to go to Miami - unsupervised - is a 'freedom they need'?! That implies to the teen that their parents understand (at least to some extent) what is going on down there, and that they're "okay with it".

At this point, I think most of us know the dangers of parents being too harsh, too tight, too controlling, and pressuring their kids too much. But we must also be aware of the problems that exist on the other end - being too loose, too lax, allowing your kids too much 'freedom' without having to answer for what they're doing... with who, and where. Yes, balance is extremely hard and varies from child to child - but I think that it's plainly obvious to any observer that a lot of these parents don't seem to be anywhere close to achieving a proper one.

It's time to find a better balance - not getting crazily drunk on Purim is probably not a bad place to start.

Y'all Are Crazy!

A nice amount of y'all have recorded themselves for the Purim Podcast - thanks. Some of you are nuts - you know who you are! :) The rest of you? Get to it! Even just a quick "Hi, this is _____ of _______" will do.

We've got commercials, jokes, people being funny, everything - keep 'em coming! The deadline is tomorrow at 12:00 EST (unless it changes). NOW Motzei Shabbos!

Something Special

Shifra is. I can't believe I missed this post until now. Busy season stinks. Excerpt:

There was a $50 non-refundable application fee which I didn't have, and I couldn't ask my parents for. Five friends gave me $10 each, knowing I wouldn't be able to pay them back (even with uniforms you can tell who has money and who doesn't.) I went to my interview with high hopes. The Rabbi barely spoke to me - I could have told him about my hobbies, my sick brother, my family, my interests but no, he wanted me to read a huge Ramban - cold.

I couldn't do it. I tried. I choked. I was not accepted.

Read the whole thing... and the comments.

Coming Soon... J-Blogosphere Purim Trailer

From the Muqata:

For all those of you who have submitted material already for the Purim Podcast that Jameel is compiling, submit more! For those who have not... it can be anything. Just think of something, record it, and send it to Muqata at Gmail.com. Anonymity is guaranteed; voice-scrambling can be done if you wish.

Also, for everybody... please take out 5 seconds and record

"Hi, this is ______ of ______"

and send that over, too. If you'd like to add a second line (say, "and you're listening to Muqata radio/a windbag settler/a crazy nutjob/Purim2007/whatever"), feel free.

You can record anything about anything - it doesn't have to be specifically about the J-blogosphere. It can be a skit, a song, a poem, a commercial, Jameel getting slammed over the head with RenReb's purse, making fun of me [as a few people said: That's easy!] ... anything.

Too chicken to record something yourself? Leave it in the comments, and we'll see if we can get someone else to do it.

J-blogosphere, it is time to show off your creativity!

Drunk & Scantily Dressed Teens

There's a great post (and comments section) over at Orthomom. Excerpt:

Hey, I'm all for giving kids a little freedom - God knows that they need some, considering the constraints of attending 6 days a week of Yeshiva. But never without proper supervision, never without proper attendance to their safety. Is it easy to strike the right balance? Of course not. But getting it wrong can have dire circumstances. Too much freedom, and they end up on the streets without breaking any rules at all. Too many rules, they end up on the street simply to break them.

I'm just so scared, as my kids enter their teenage years, that I won't strike the right balance. Isn't everyone?

Heck, I am, and Elianna's not even a year old yet. Check out OM's post.

Rabbi Dr. Haym Soloveitchik in Los Angeles

This is indeed last minute, but if anyone in the Los Angeles area is interested, Rabbi Dr. Haym Soloveitchik will be speaking in the Westwood Kehilla. Here is the info:

RABBI DR. HAYM SOLOVEITCHIK

Rupture & Reconstruction:
The Transformation of Contemporary Orthodoxy

Monday, Feb. 26
8:00 pm
10523 Santa Monica Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90024

It is recommended that participants be familiar with Rabbi Dr. Soloveitchik's article "Rupture and Reconstruction: The Transformation of Contemporary Orthodoxy," a copy can be found here.

Busy or Torture

I was reminded of a recent conversation with a friend today...

For some people, some of the time, being busy is a blessing. To be alone with their thoughts could be torturous.

Idealism & Understanding

SJ has written a short and fabulous post about a subject that came up over the weekend at SerandEz. She had made an interesting point last night which she summed up beautifully within her post about an added reason why we must try to understand and respect the reasoning even of those with whom we disagree, however much we may dislike too. Check it out.

My own little addendum to what she said, though she touched on this point, is in the comments section there:

Idealism, and the idealistic, are truly the key to the future - their drive and energy are what spur progress in all its forms. But they can only do so when they understand and can present how to practically implement their ideals in the real world as opposed to the abstract... and the real world has many pitfalls, many of which are not logical - but because they do exist, they cannot be ignored.

You Know You're From Cleveland...

(Hat tip: KollelMama)

Oh, this is so true. I mean, these often are okay, but some of these are great. My faves:

4. You hate country music, don't know anyone who likes country music, and yet...WGAR won music station of the year. [Ez: So I don't hate it anymore, but when I was in Cleveland, this was so true.]
6. You take credit for Cedar Point even though it's over an hour away. [Ez: #1 in the world, baby!]
7. You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world. [Ez: Err... in some ways, maybe.]
8. You take Dead Man's Curve at 60 mph....holding your breath.
12. You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga.
16. You're still dumbfounded by the leaping fountain in Tower City.
17. You've never ridden in a taxi.
18. You wear shorts the first day of the year it isn't below zero and snowing...just because you can. [Ez: HA!!]
19. You have no idea how exactly to get to the Flats, you just kind of end up on a bank and start partying.
20. You really don't know what the Warehouse District is, you just know that it's a great place to party.
21. You know who the Jake really is.
22. You hate Baltimore and you have never even been there. [Ez: Okay, so I actually like Balto, but there is a sense of hate as well. :) ]
24. You're still relishing 1987 when the Browns ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl. [Ez: &^%$#!!!]
25. You counted down with the monument in Tower City to the exact second in 1999 when the Browns came back. [Ez: I had a countdown in my notebook for Gemara, headed up each day.]
27. You know Tower City isn't a city at all.
30. At least half of your wardrobe is Tribe apparel.
31. You know all 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and road construction.

Curiously Heads Upp

It has been, and continues to be, a wonderful and entertaining weekend with Chana & SJ. Heading out for some more fun...! And maybe some pretzels. :)

Old School, Girls Beating Up Guys, & Life Planning

Two great posts and a funny story out there:

• The Seforim blog has this fascinating piece by Eliezer Brodt. (hattip: YH) Excerpt:

  In short, what the deleted material is as follows, he saw many people who had no business becoming teachers taking the job only for the money. He writes that he was a teacher and he would spend a few weeks trying to understand each student what was the best way to deal with him. Another thing he writes is the importantance that boys have a proper understanding of the Hebrew language; not that he has to be a baki in dikduk just to know the basics than it’s easier to learn chumash. Once the boy knows chumash only than should you go on to learn Gemara. When he begins this limud, be careful to go slowly so as not to over burden him. The main point is not to learn enmass, rather emphasis on making sure the student fully understands everything before going further.

• A hilarious story from Israel, courtesy of Y. Medad - a few seminary girls beating up some yeshiva guys after one guy propositioned one of the girls.
• R' Horowitz discusses (a while back) the need for yeshiva bochurim to plan out their lives. There's lots of great stuff there... here's two excerpts:

  And so, as my friends and I passed through our late teens, there was almost no home that was not filled with long, passionate sessions with our parents about TACHLIS, as in - "Vus vet zayn a tachlis mit deer"? (Loosely translated as, "What will become of you?"). Tears were shed on both sides. Mamorei chazal were quoted (mostly on our side) as we pleaded our case to allow just one more year of uninterrupted yeshiva study. And then another year. But at no time during the many discussions was there any thought of presenting no plan at all.They and their son agreed that he would learn full-time for a predetermined time after high school. It is now 6 or 12 months after the 'deadline'. Their son, begging for more time, pleads, "But Ma, I just started really getting into learning." His Rosh Yeshiva echoes the sentiment during discussions with the boy's parents. Coincidence? Of course not! Surely the maturity that comes with the passage of time and an acquired appreciation for the virtual Gan Eden of learning Torah lishma makes the third year generally more productive than the first.
  
  ...
  
  There is, however, another factor that makes the last year most productive - the simple fact that it is the last year. Any arbitrary deadline gets your adrenaline running and forces you to crank up your productivity several notches.

The Monolith

Google, Inc. is possibly the most fascinating company on the planet. In an information age, they are the source of more information than any other company - and as information shapes people's views, being able to control that information is of utmost importance. Google also has the best and worst of a lot of worlds... it allows every voice to be heard; but that includes the crazies, the crackpots, the bigots, etc. It also ranks - using complex algorithms - the most 'important' views on any given subject... whether or not they happen to be factually correct.

Anyway, I've always found it interesting. They're a scarily powerful company.

Meanwhile, in other news, Google has basically gotten a ruling that allows Orthomom to defend herself if she so chooses... and she so chooses. All in all, not bad - it does mean that assuming Orthomom can defend herself (which it seems clear she can with ease) Google will not be releasing her information.

Adar is a good month, isn't it? :)

The Robot

(received via e-mail)

A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel. As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the maitre d' was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and said,

"Sir, there is a one hour wait. I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, if you please."

Intrigued, the man said, "OK."

The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked,

"Sir, what is your IQ?"

The man answered,

"Oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, interstellar space travel, the latest medical breakthroughs, etc. The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, but thought he would try a different tack.

The robot again asked,

"What is your IQ, sir?"

This time the man answered,

"Oh, about 100".

So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Red Sox to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.

Again the robot asked the question,

"What is your IQ?"

This time the man drawled out,

" Uh.....'bout 50"

The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,

"A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e g-o-i-n-g t-o n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e H-i-l-l-a-r-y?"

Orthomom Written Up...

...in both the Jewish Star and by the Five Towns Jewish Times' editor.

UPDATED: And the Herald. [hattip: u missed one]

PSA: Kosher L'Pesach Liquid Toothpaste?

My brother-in-law is searching for liquid toothpaste that is kosher for Pesach. He always used one brand (Tryadent?), but they are no longer kosher for Pesach. So... he's looking for another brand, and can only find one other brand that is good: Gum V Gum or something like that. He can't find it anywhere in Baltimore, and I've never heard of it myself - but he knows a friend definitely had it, and bought it somewhere in New York City. Does anyone know where a person could buy this brand of liquid toothpaste with a Kosher for Passover symbol somewhere on it? Thanks.

The Greatest Threat

Now this is what we call short-sighted: John Edwards (D - Presidential candidate) was asked what the greatest threat to world peace was. His answer?

According to Bart, Edwards was asked to name the greatest threat to world peace at the moment. Instead of the simple answer, wars, Edwards had to be a smarty jones and say the increasing likelihood of an Israeli attack on Iran was the primary current threat. You know, because then Washington would start bombing somebody, and Syria/Lebanon would get involved, and Russia would start threatening everybody, and it would be a nuclear war, etc.

Well, let's start with the stupidity of this - why would Russia et al ever get involved? Why would this be worse than Osirak in 1981, which had more international support and led to... nothing? In the grand scheme of "world peace", the world now looks back on that incident with a huge sense of gratitude towards Israel. The worst that this could likely lead to is a flare-up from Hezbollah/Syria... which really wouldn't happen. As commenters noted at DovBear, the first shot from Syria would lead to the flattening of Damascus; and Hezbollah really isn't up to fighting Israel just a few months after the UN saved them from this past summer, especially in terms of a real large-scale war.

Then there's this comment by DovBear at the end:

Edwards was right. The world isn't going to go up in flames if Al Queda pulls off another attack. It'll be horrible, of course, and a terrible tragedy and all that, but not a threat to world peace. If Iran gets the bomb, we'll all be very nervous, but we won't start shooting at each other -- at least not right away.

Huh? Sure, if we don't fight, it's not technically a "war". And World War II didn't really start when Germany took over Poland; it started when the British and everybody else started responding. So a wonderful approach in that instance would have been to just let Germany do as they please - it wouldn't have been a threat to "world peace" per se, and then we could all have talked about how smart we were for not fighting back.

Moronic. Pretending that there is no reason for us to be fighting to uphold some fake perception of "world peace" is exactly the problem. The biggest key in that paragraph is "at least not right away". People love to pretend that there are no problems, no reasons to fight. People can't stomach the idea of war - people die, people get hurt, and in large numbers. Over 3,000 US troops have been killed or died in Iraq since March 2003, more than were killed in the attacks on the World Trade Center. This is hard for people to comprehend - why should we fight and lose even more lives than we lost originally... and by our own choosing?

Of course, we could look at World War II: 6,000,000 Jews were killed in the Holocaust... but that was nothing compared to the 24,456,000 military deaths [on all sides]. Or the 32,327,100 civilian deaths excluding Jews. The United States lost 462 thousand troops... over what, Pearl Harbor? 2,403 military personnel?

The answers to all of the above are obvious. We do not - or should not - wait until threats are too imminent before responding, or we dramatically reduce any chances of success. The longer we take to nip threats in the bud, the more casualties they inflict. Sure, it would be great to stick our fingers in our ears and say "LALALA I can't HEAR you!!", pretending all the while that nothing is happening around us; but that's not how the world works. Iran is still trying to - and getting closer to - developing a nuclear weapon. North Korea may already have them. Should we ignore Iran until they actually use it? Sure, destroying their nuclear capacity will likely lead to some small-scale regional war - but is it better to wait until a city is wiped off the map? Should we have let Hitler continue taking over small countries in Europe? The United States didn't understand the full impact of Hitler until after the war was over, yet found it to important not to join (even late) to fight against him. With Ahmadinejad, we have a much better picture of what he is all about.

When it comes down to it, this is what Edwards should have answered: The true greatest threat to world peace is inaction.

[Ez: The best bumper sticker I saw recently said "Except for ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, war never solved anything."]

The "Best" Schools

R' Horowitz:

The bottom line is that nowadays parental pressure has virtually forced the hands of our educators in large cities to pull in the gangplank of the teivah when ‘average’ kids apply. Why? Because accepting ‘average’ kids is the kiss of death for many schools in the eyes of the ‘customers’; parents of prospective children (that’s you). The caring principals who were once accepting and tolerant regarding admissions policies have had their schools relegated to second-or-third tier status by parents (that’s you, again) who now shun their mosdos. Other school heads and board members who watched this horror show of a school’s decline due-to-word-of-mouth unfold learn the ‘new math’ rather quickly. The equation is quite simple and brutal. More children in these larger cities, b’eh, means more schools in the same geographic area. More schools mean more competition. And which parent wouldn’t turn over heaven and earth to get their child accepted in the ‘best’ schools?

Read the whole thing... as usual. I've long felt that my elementary school (the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland) was an excellent school, though it took me until around high school to understand that. Not only was it a very wide mix of kids from different backgrounds, the kids were on a variety of levels - and while there are sometimes drawbacks to that, the HAC did an okay job (and now does a much better job) of catering to students who would gain from a higher-level curriculum. Meanwhile, other schools fall all over themselves to try to be exclusive... and their students don't come out anywhere near as well. The "best" school thing? Most of the time - it's all hype. (Heck, even among the Ivys for college it has been proven to be a lot more hype and dependent on the individual students than the schools themselves.)

It's time for schools to focus on education and teaching middos (and knocking down tuition costs) and stop worrying about reputation (like this post by Harry Maryles). They - and more importantly, the students - would be a lot better off.

How Holy Hyrax met his wife. Part 1.

Ok, so Ezzie wants me to post something. So I’ll post something. I’ve actually been bombarded by emails asking me to write how I met MY wife, since Ezzie has been taking his sweet time getting to the point with his. So her is my story. And I can promise you, it won't be as spread apart as Ezzie's :)


It was spring semester of my senior year, 1998. Awsome time. It was a time when we could get out for lunch, hop in my Merkur and go to McDonalds for 29 cent cheeseburger Wednesdays. Mmmmmmm. Can you believe that? 29 cents? You can probably get a packet of ketchup for 29 cents at a kosher joint. Anyways, I was always the shy type. I never had a girlfriend before. When we go to clubs, I would sit out or just jump up and down with the rest of the dorks. Along comes Valentines Day and some synagogue is throwing some party. Party, party party. Soooooooooo, I go with some my friends which consists of 2 Persians, and an Assyrian.

Flashback 1996, 10th grade:

“ Ooooh, I finally got a yearbook. Im just going to skim through it looking at all the pretty girls in the school (Hey, everyone did it). OK, let me try out the 9th grade girls. (whistling a fine tune) Hmmmmmm,..... WOW, this girl is really pretty. I wonder if she is Israeli. index finger moves to list of names ..... Wow, shes pretty and Israeli. Oh well.

Back to 1998

We get to the party. Nice place. "Good" music. We were having a nice time. As we were about to enter the main hall, a young girl crossed our path. Damn she was pretty. And the most amazing hair with long small curls. Immediately, my friend recognized her. ( For obvious reasons, we will call her Bunny)

Persian 1: Bunny?
Bunny: OMG, Persian 1?
Persian 1: Ya, what are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in, like, 2 years
Bunny: Oh my gosh, ya, how you doing? OMG Assyrian?
Assyrian: Heeeeeeeeey, hows it going? (and ofcourse, he always liked hugging girls)
Bunny: Nothing, Im here with my friends. Like, its been so long, I cant believe I bumped in to you.
Assyrian: Hey Bunny, I want you to meet two of my friends. This is Persian 2 and Holy Hyrax
Bunny: (In a cold, toned down voice) hi.
HH: Hi
Persian 2: word

Well, she made quite a first impression on us. I look at Persian 2, he looks at me and we both think the same exact thing.

B$@ch

To be continued.

Rude, Taz on Taz, & Anonymity

A few good reads:

• RaggedyMom on rude patrons;
• Shoshana points to a NYTimes article on anonymity;
• and Taz discusses how he became Taz... and how that shaped his education. A really important read - I think a lot of people can relate to many aspects of this (sadly).
  

Check it out.

Nice View

I'm at a client for a few days, so blogging will be continue to be minimal. It's nice to get out of the office sometimes, though there are definitely certain drawbacks. One big pro - it's nice to have these big things called "windows". The view from up here is actually pretty nice...

Meanwhile, the world keeps getting smaller. It's gotten to the point that I feel like everyone is within just 3 degrees of separation from either myself or Serach... and in a few different ways. Take Jameel - we've discovered that we're probably connected in over a dozen ways. (Okay, so admittedly, Jameel is scary.) And granted, both Serach and I are related to a lot of people in different parts of the world... but it's still getting a bit crazy. After a meal once, a headhunter asked Serach if she could hire her... and wasn't kidding. The world is ridiculously small... does anyone out there not know me, Serach, or someone who knows us?!