Friday, January 09, 2009

Dear Diary

(Reposted from here)

Today rockets landed in Northern Israel. Everything seems to be so out of control. I'm afraid something much worse is going to happen before things get better. Hamas keeps sending rockets from Gaza and Israel keeps getting blamed for all the deaths. I just don't get it. Why can't smart people use their common sense and see that Israel is the one being bullied here?

I feel so helpless. There's nothing left for me to write - it's all been written already. Besides, who would hear me? I can pray, but I can't see the results of my prayer. I pray every day and every day there is still war. I feel guilty for sitting here in America complaining about my misfortunes. Woe is me who feels helpless. I'm safe, aren't I? Shouldn't that be good enough? Those rockets can't reach me here.

So strongly do I feel my insignificance. I am a mere pinprick in the vast enormity of the world, and no amount of "but every person matters"will convince me otherwise. I know how much effect I have on things. Zero.

What do my fears, my cries, my desperate yearnings for Israel's peaceful sovereignty matter in the great wide world? Who is listening? Who cares? I'm just an anonymous American girl who would probably get eaten alive by any well-educated Palestinian supporter who really knew how to argue. I don't want to argue. As much as I want to punch Hamas in the face, as much as it angers me to see people being so blind to what's really going on, I don't want to get caught up in arguments that serve no purpose but to rile up the other side. Any true Palestinian supporter is not going to change his mind just because I can spit back the pro-Israel script.

Sometimes it feels like no matter how much I follow the news, no matter how much I learn, no matter how much I think I know, there's always some very important fact I don't know. That always gets me in the end.

I wish I was more powerful.

Sometimes it's like the entire world has lost its mind. I know I shouldn't throw around labels, but so much has gotten so liberal, so overly tolerant, that the lines of tolerance have gotten completely blurred. Tolerance and acceptance are not the same. I can tolerate something going on, within reason of course, without giving it my okay. I am allowed to disagree with something I feel is immoral. That's not discrimination. Just because someone is not living the ideal life, just because someone seems to be an underdog, doesn't mean that person is doing the right thing. Where do we draw the tolerance line? I feel like I live in a world that is constantly apologizing for itself. Isn't that what makes it possible for terrorists to use civilian shields? Because whoever attacks those poor civilians is automatically evil? Isn't that what makes it possible for a country to give another, smaller group of people a piece of land, those people using that land to attack the first country, the first country attacking this smaller group of people in defense, and the first country ending up the horrible enemy? The terms "good" and "evil" are not as black and white as that. Why is that so difficult to see? Someone being harmed does not mean the action which caused that harm was evil. And someone being saved does not mean it was a good thing that person was saved. Good and evil are not the same as comfort and discomfort. We don't live in this world to be comfortable. We live to be moral.

This diary entry is only that. A diary entry. No one needs to read it because I'm not saying anything new. I'm saying what's already been said. Just look around. There is no need for me to speak, and so I remain silent, except in my own private thoughts, in my own writings, in my own diary.

I hope the world, one day, will learn not to be blind and will finally be able to...see.

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