Sunday, August 05, 2007

Memories & Hopes: 2,000 Posts Later

It is only fitting that this post is being written at 3:34 in the morning. Of the 2,000 posts prior to this one, I'd venture that a good chunk of the posts that are not roundups (or even that are) nor by other people were written at about this time of day, or rather, night. In typical fashion, I did not even realize that the last post was the 2,000th; I of course thought that it was #1,999, forgetting the link I put up Friday afternoon. Ah well. Some things never change...
...but in truth, much of life is made up of changes, even while others always remain the same. One of the best, and most interesting, pieces of advice I ever heard was actually one that was not given to me. Someone asked my sister-in-law, I believe it was, about the idea of selling one's engagement ring because they were truly in need of some money - and a ring's value could have quite an impact on their finances. My sister-in-law responded that you never, ever do that: Who knows how things will work out in the long-term financially, even if this would help in the short term; more importantly, it's important to have that ring for when times do go bad. It's when things are bad, when things are stressful, when people are starting to question why they put up with and are living the way they do, that it becomes so important to have a reminder of why they are doing all that they are. A ring is the perfect symbol which reminds a person of their happiest moments; the shiny diamond on top which is always so bright and near impossible to break. In those roughest of times, looking down at that diamond reminds a person of what it is that brought them to this point and why they really do want to work through whatever problems they are facing.

It is interesting that people generally give diamond rings upon engagement, and not later, when they're already married. Perhaps this is because it is often the time of the most excitement; the pressures and struggles of the future have yet to be faced, everything is 'perfect' and 'wonderful' and nothing can go wrong... and this is the moment we wish to recall, when everything was so simple and uncomplicated and there were no tough times to weather.

But what of those struggles for which we have no diamond to look into; no clear bright light from the past to reminisce and recall with, to focus our thoughts with? How can we continue on when the future is so murky, when we've put ourselves in a position where we won't allow ourselves to feel, where we are afraid of all of the paths which are laid out ahead of us?

Perhaps that itself is the answer. While we may not have that clear reminder in front of us, showing us glimpses of our past - of our hopes, our dreams, our plans for the future; we can still open our hearts and minds to bring all of those back to us. We don't need a diamond to guide us, to remind us of our moments of happiness; we can recall those on our own, and channel those feelings back to the present time to overcome the obstacles of today. I can still see in my mind's eye the moment the space in front of me cleared, and I saw Serach sitting there, waiting for me to come to her, by the badekin at our wedding. I will always remember putting Elianna, smiling, onto Serach's bed, where she immediately crawled over to Serach, with a huge, excited smile on her face, and said "Hiii! Hii, Amma, hi! *MWAH*! Amma, *mwah*!" to wake her up.

Sometimes, in our obsession with the present, and constant concern for the future, we forget the past. But we must not - it is in the past where we set our goals, when everything was far more clear; it is only that the path we are on is overgrown with obstacles and it sometimes seems like another, unknown path would be so much easier and more exciting. But while the unknown is always exciting - filled with the endless possibilities only the unknown can bring - we must once again remind ourselves of all that which has brought us to this point. Often, it is good to look back at the path we have come up and realize why we took the turns we did - and not (just) the wrong turns, but most importantly, the ones that really set us on our way. It is those small moments in time which we must carry with us on our journeys.

Beginnings are always the most exciting. When you first start something, the first time you really get in a groove, the first time in a while... beginnings. The hopes are high, the optimism boundless, the trials, tribulations, and rough times still long off. I started blogging a little over two years ago, not really sure where it would take me; unaware of the communities of J-bloggers, not even really knowing what a blog was. Since those first months of writing, so much has changed - from how I write to how I think to all that is happening in my life - but at the same time, some of the focuses really have stayed the same. I love now, 2,000 posts later, that the very first post I put up is really not a post at all - but a picture: A picture of two people looking out from the past, looking forward to their limitless future together. A picture, really, of SerandEz.

So much has happened that revolves around this blog since its inception that (of course) late, late night. There have been wonderful moments, wonderful meetings, frustrating incidents, annoying disturbances, and people ranging from awesome to horrible. It would have been easy to pick any of those negative times, decide this hobby was simply not worth the trouble, and quit; and surely, the easiest way to do this is to slowly let it die, to ease out of it, to build up a wall and finally just let it fall apart. But I don't think that's the proper approach to most difficulties, even to something so inane as a blog; more importantly, when I am honest with myself and think about all that has happened, I realize that this blog is actually quite good for me. Yes, it will rarely be as exciting as it sometimes has, and true, that which is invested in this blog is so great that the painful times hurt that much more - and of course, it can make Serach want to break this computer into little pieces - but it really has been quite good for me... for us, and more importantly, is and will remain good for us beyond the foreseeable future.

2,000 more, anyone?

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