Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Starter Marriages
Still pretty busy, but I thought this pair of posts by Ariella & Sephardi Lady on frum starter marriages was interesting. As I commented on SL's post, I agreed with G's comment that much of it may be traced to the pressures on people to get married very young (similar to the seemingly very common broken engagements), but not just because people are rushing into relationships without thinking. I think much of it may simply be the 'fact of the matter' - as couples who marry young, often with little to no financial or other worries, slowly (or quickly) run into different situations, financial or otherwise, their lives change may dramatically. After a few years, one or the other (or both) may think 'You know, this really isn't the life I wanted' and decide they want out.
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ReplyDeleteit makes sense to me. everything you do in life takes practice before you get it right. why should this be different
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link.
ReplyDeleteEzzie, were you not young yourself when you married? For a statistical analysis, one would have to account for variables. If most are marrying in their early twenties, it would stand to reason that most divorces would be found in that group, as well.
We were 20, turning 21 when we got married. OTOH, we both knew what professions we were going for, had our hashkafos set, etc.
ReplyDeleteI think the best comment on SLs blog was the one about if this is occuring less in MO circles as they court more when dating. From my non imperical surveys I would have to say NO. Therefore based on my non substatiated facts- my theory is that it affects those who are more closely tied with our curent amarican culture which values things which do not lead to lasting relationships. (prob. get tons of flack for this BUT whatever!)- I have to set up a name so that you can track my comments and get my MO ;)
ReplyDeleteThe secular starter marriages do not necessarily result from hurried courtships. Plus the couples are engaged for quite a while. The author notes the average engagement period today is 18 months. So these divorces are not the result of not knowing the other person at the time of the wedding, though one may not know what s/he will become as the stresses of real life come to bear on a young couple.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the 22 year-old I mentioned in my original post who told me of her friends moves in more RW than MO circles, so I take it her observations are a reflection of the Bais Yaakov educated girls whom she would identify as her counterpart. BTW at the same table sat a woman who is already a grandmother who only divorced when her children were grown. She had known her husband a long time before they married and met him on a casual basis -- not a shidduch setup.
Anon - You SHOULD set up a name! Much better for everyone in general. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's less in either 'world' - it seems to be pretty bad in both.
Ariella - But the older woman would be a completely different example, and not likely the result of a 'starter' marriage.