Matzah & Guns

If you can make sense of this, you can see how we spent a couple of our hours over the last days of Yom Tov. It was a lot of fun, and probably most interesting for us, since it was the first time I've ever really had a chance to shmooze with a number of the people there.

In addition, I ran into a whole bunch of other J-bloggers in different places, with the notable exception being our good friend G. I think Baltimore has the highest number of J-bloggers per capita, which is, in an odd way, an interesting strength of its community.

Sunny day, sweepin' the clouds away

Sometimes, in adulthood, it's good to look back at things from when you were little. They just take on a whole new dimension of appreciation.

Treating People

My dear wife Serach sent me this quote a couple of weeks ago, and noted that she felt it was appropriate for me. I don't know that it is appropriate, but I certainly like it:

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being." - J.W. Van Goethe

Why McCain Should Win

Of all people, Karl Rove shows why today in an incredibly sharp analysis of the two Democratic candidates:

The Democratic Party has two weakened candidates. Mrs. Clinton started as a deeply flawed candidate: the palpable and unpleasant sense of entitlement, the absence of a clear and optimistic message, the grating personality impatient to be done with the little people and overly eager for a return to power, real power, the phoniness and the exaggerations. These problems have not diminished over the long months of the contest. They have grown. She started out with the highest negatives of any major candidate in an open race for the presidency and things have only gotten worse.

And what of the reborn Adlai Stevenson? Mr. Obama is befuddled and angry about the national reaction to what are clearly accepted, even commonplace truths in San Francisco and Hyde Park. How could anyone take offense at the observation that people in small-town and rural American are "bitter" and therefore "cling" to their guns and their faith, as well as their xenophobia? Why would anyone raise questions about a public figure who, for only 20 years, attended a church and developed a close personal relationship with its preacher who says AIDS was created by our government as a genocidal tool to be used against people of color, who declared America's chickens came home to roost on 9/11, and wants God to damn America? Mr. Obama has a weakness among blue-collar working class voters for a reason.

Pesach Point to Ponder

Greetings and Baruch Mechayeh Meisim. I have come to various crossroads and have lost a little time and a lot of focus. I just wanted to poke my head back up and offer up a little something.

If your like me at some point you may have heard this, as well. When I was a kid growing up, like everyone else I learned about the Jews being enslaved in Egypt. I remember some of alte kakkers in the community who offered as fact that the Jews must have been responsible for the architectural wonders that are the pyramids of Egypt (because Jews are better at everything, of course).
Now, as I got older I tossed this aside as some sort of Modern Orthodox historical urban legend. However, enters our old friend Josephus:

And having, in length of time, forgotten the benefits they had
received from Joseph, particularly the crown being now come into
another family, they became very abusive to the Israelites, and
contrived many ways of afflicting them; for they enjoined them to
cut a great number of channels for the river, and to build walls
for their cities and ramparts, that they might restrain the
river, and hinder its waters from stagnating, upon its running
over its own banks: they set them also to build pyramids, and by all this wore them out;
[Antiquities of the Jews; 9:1]

Certainly interesting as it does seem to lend some source-based substantiation to this speculation.
In fairness, though, one of the footnotes raises an interesting objection

וַיְמָרְרוּ אֶת-חַיֵּיהֶם בַּעֲבֹדָה קָשָׁה, בְּחֹמֶר וּבִלְבֵנִים, וּבְכָל-עֲבֹדָה, בַּשָּׂדֶה--אֵת, כָּל-עֲבֹדָתָם, אֲשֶׁר-עָבְדוּ בָהֶם, בְּפָרֶךְ [Exodus 1:14]

The biblical account of Jewish slave labor only mentions work done with brick, while the pyramids were works of stone. Still, there seems to be more here than I would have ever thought.

This is really neat

(See, I am a child of the nineties - who else says neat? Anyway.)

Ezzie pointed me to this blog, which seems to have been around for almost two years already (better late than never) (now you have more to read in the archives). It's really clever and creative, and requires a bit of time to get it, but once you do, it's a lot of food for thought. Check it out!

Please Help - Need Copy of The Baltimore Sun

A client of mine (who lives in California) was featured in an article from the "Health Today" section of The Baltimore Sun this past Thursday, 4/17/08. I was supposed to send her a copy of it, but a certain someone in my household didn't realize that I had set the newspaper aside for a specific purpose and, unfortunately, that person threw it out.

Therefore, if anyone still has a copy of this newspaper lying around, I would really appreciate it if you would let me know. Just send me an e-mail (jstein at bookendsconsulting dot com) or call me on my cell, 410.935.5337, and I'll come pick it up from you.

(Yes, I do know that I may order a copy directly from The Baltimore Sun, but that would take a few days and cost $$, so I'd like to see if anyone has a copy for me first before going that route.)

Thanks so much!

The Mordy Show

It’s been three weeks instead of two, I know. But I’ve been busy, which you will soon find out if you continue reading. Why you care on the other hand is beyond me.

[Click expand to see it all]

Yiddishkeit:

1. Stop cursing

Haven’t quite got this one down yet. It’s really hard!
Someone gave me an idea to carry a roll of pennies around with me and every time I curse I just put a penny into the other pocket and then at the end of the day put all those pennies in tzedaka. So that’ll be the next thing to start I guess…

1. Carry roll of pennies to help with not cursing.

2. Going to shachris with a minyan

Ok, so since I wrote this on April 2, out of 21 days, I missed only 3 minchas, 4 maarivs, and not a single shachris. Out of those 21 shachrises though only 7 were with a minyan. 15 out of the 18 minchas were with a minyan, and 9 out of 17 maarivs were with a minyan. I think I should get down all the tefillos first before worrying about minyan, especially since I don’t think I’m doing too bad with the minyan thing so far.

2. Don’t miss any minchas or maarivs

3. Learning b’chavrusa

This one was a long shot, but in the past 21 days I did learn some Pirkei Avos on 10 days. I think my chavrusa is moving to Israel after Pesach, so I gotta do something about that.

3. Find a new chavrusa
4. Learn more Pirkei Avos

4. Say no to my yetzer hora

21 days=21 $’s and +’s. (that’s a good thing)

5. Continue to say no to my yetzer hora

And I started keeping track of what time I get out of bed every morning, which I guess really goes in the Life section, but I figure it will assist in the shachris thing and everything that gets tracked on the calendar is tied in to Yiddishkeit anyway, so I’ll just mention it here. Times for the first week, starting Sunday the 13th were: 7:05, 7:39, 8:09, 8:13, 9:30, 7:15, 6:46. Times for this week so far have been 9:13, 9:22, and 7:30.

School:

1. 6 Discussion board posts and related readings for His I

A chapter and half down. Another chapter and a half to go until I’m where I want to be and start putting up DB posts. Although while I’ve been trying to catch up, I’ve still been behind so really I’m behind 2 ½ chapters and 8 DB posts.

1. 8 Discussion Board posts and 2 and ½ chapters of reading for His I

2. 7 Discussion board posts and related readings for His II

Too busy with His I

2. 9 Discussion Board posts and 5 chapters of reading for His II

3. Get 2 books and write paper for His I

Got the books, now I gotta…

3. Write His I paper

4. Make up His I mid-term
5. Make up His II mid-term

Made up both mid-terms. Didn’t say I passed, just said I made them up.

6. Get 2 books and write His II mid-term

Got the books. Too busy with His I

4. Write His II paper

7. Write 2 Lit II papers

Too busy with His

5. Write 2 Lit II Papers

Work:

1. Finish catching up
2. Stay caught up
3. Try not to go insane
4. Get pay check

Quit job. Didn’t go insane. Got pay check.

5. Find better job

Working for pops in interim

1. Find other job

Firehouse:

1. Find someone to cover cleanup next Thursday night

Covered

2. Fill ice coolers

No one noticed that they weren’t filled because we haven’t really needed them yet. I’ll worry about it when it gets warmer out.

3. Stop wasting time

Getting there. I’ve been making the time I do spend there at least somewhat productive instead of just sitting in front of the tv. It’ll be easier over Pesach since we won’t really eat there.

1. Continue to not waste time

4. Check out a set of pocket tools

Haven’t got to that yet. Busy with everything else and FAST team class.

2. Check out thumb knife, interchangeable screw driver, and Klein wire strippers.

Climbing:

1. Finish all blacks and whites (V3’s)

Was finished but then they put up new ones. Now I gotta finish those.

1. Finish new V3’s

2. Project purples and limes (V4’s)

Finished some! Those were awesome. But the week break I just took will probably mean that it’ll take a couple of days to get back into trying anything too crazy.

2. Try some V4’s

3. Attempt yellows and teals (V5’s)

After I deal with 2.

4. Finish lead test

Eh, whenever I’m in the mood. No rush. I’ve got plenty other stuff in climbing to keep me busy right now.

5. Check out new shoes

I should really make this number 1. My shoes are officially busted. Hole straight through the edge of the toe. Oh, and I need more webbing and other gear since I’m going to start climbing outside more often (hopefully) since the weather is nice.

3. Get new shoes asap
4. Get more webbing

Dating:

1. Make some calls
2. Go on some dates
3. Find the right girl
4. Marry her

Technically I could just cross off 3, start from 1 then 2 and then 4. But I don’t have the guts for 1 and 2, and I don’t think 3 counts if she doesn’t know I found her. (If I really had it my way, I’d just skip straight to 4)LOL

Honestly, I just haven’t had time to think about this whole area.

Life:

1. Take defensive driving class

Signed up for the nights of April 29 and 30

2. Finish off ticket/license stuff

Lawyer is paid in full

3. Fix laptop

Debating whether to just buy a new one.

1. Fix the laptop or just buy a new one already!!!!!

4. Pay off debt

Credit card is done. Now it’s just something else, but it won’t affect my credit score (or break my legs)

5. Help out around the house

Helped a bunch before Pesach! (Helped not as much over Pesach… but I did still help!)

2. Help more around the house

6. Clean my room

Ok, so I FINALLY bought a stupid desk and chair that I’ve needed for like three years. Gd bless IKEA! $85 later and I have exactly what I want and my room is already looking better. Now if I could just find a place to put those stupid old accounting books. Accounting books, ewwww.

3. Keep room clean

7. Clean my car

Planned on doing that Thursday afternoon but got too busy with #2, but it’s a good thing because the wet/dry vac at the firehouse conked out on another guy while he was cleaning his car around the time I was planning on using it, so thank Gd I didn’t have to be responsible for breaking the stupid thing. And now that Pesach has started already, I guess there’s really no rush anymore.

4. Clean car after fire house gets new vacuum (hehe)

Alright, so here’s the new list:

Yiddishkeit:
1. Carry roll of pennies to help with not cursing
2. Don’t miss any minchas or maarivs
3. Find a new chavrusa
4. Learn more Pirkei Avos
5. Continue to say no to my yetzer hora

School:
1. 8 Discussion Board posts and 2 and ½ chapters of reading for His I
2. 9 Discussion Board posts and 5 chapters of reading for His II
3. Write His I paper
4. Write His II paper
5. Write 2 Lit II Papers

Work:
1. Find other job

Firehouse:
1. Continue to not waste time
2. Check out thumb knife, interchangeable screw driver, and Klein wire strippers
3. Clean gear (after final FAST team class on Thursday night)

Climbing:
1. Get new shoes asap
2. Finish new V3’s
3. Try some V4’s
4. Get more webbing
5. Start climbing (more) outside again

Dating:
1. Make some calls
2. Go on some dates
3. Find the right girl
4. Marry her

(or:
1. Muster up some guts
2. Ask girl out
3. Go on a couple of dates
4. Marry her before she changes her mind)

Life:
1. Fix the laptop or just buy a new one already!
2. Help more around the house
3. Keep room clean
4. Clean car after fire house gets new vacuum (hehe)
5. Continue to wake up early

Be back in two (or three) weeks...

Dating, Part I

By my tall (and cynical) friend.

Dating (Part I)

One hot afternoon you get the call
It's your mother's cousin's friend's dog's Uncle Paul
Do I have a girl for you!, exclaims Paul
Probably not, you mutter, I'm sure she's just tall
She's a good girl and from a great family too
And then again, you think, she might be barely five-two
By now you know the lingo: A little quiet means you're talking to yourself
A little heavy means she eats everything on the shelf
But since the next couple days hold no other amusement
You bite back your cynicism and come to an agreement
Paul of course is in seventh heaven
Great! Tomorrow night front door of the Plaza at half past seven

Not the far side III: Pesach edition

This is something that I learned in high school from my esteemed principal. I really liked the idea and so actually wrote it down for posterity . . . enjoy.

In the haggada, we use four pesukim to explain the story of the Exodus from Egypt - each pasuk is quoted and then every word in the pasuk is subsequently expanded upon:

אֲרַמִּי אֹבֵד אָבִי, וַיֵּרֶד מִצְרַיְמָה, וַיָּגָר שָׁם בִּמְתֵי מְעָט; וַיְהִי-שָׁם, לְגוֹי גָּדוֹל עָצוּם וָרָב. 
An Aramean nearly caused my father to perish, and he went down into Egypt, and sojourned there, few in number; and he became there a nation, great, mighty, and populous.
וַיָּרֵעוּ אֹתָנוּ הַמִּצְרִים, וַיְעַנּוּנוּ; וַיִּתְּנוּ עָלֵינוּ, עֲבֹדָה קָשָׁה  
And the Egyptians dealt ill with us, and afflicted us, and laid upon us hard bondage.
וַנִּצְעַק, אֶל-יְהוָה אֱלֹהֵי אֲבֹתֵינוּ; וַיִּשְׁמַע יְהוָה אֶת-קֹלֵנוּ, וַיַּרְא אֶת-עָנְיֵנוּ וְאֶת-עֲמָלֵנוּ וְאֶת-לַחֲצֵנוּ  
And we cried unto the L-RD, the G-d of our fathers, and the L-RD heard our voice, and saw our affliction, and our toil, and our oppression.
וַיּוֹצִאֵנוּ יְהוָה, מִמִּצְרַיִם, בְּיָד חֲזָקָה וּבִזְרֹעַ נְטוּיָה, וּבְמֹרָא גָּדֹל--וּבְאֹתוֹת, וּבְמֹפְתִים  
And the L-RD brought us forth out of Egypt with a mighty hand, and with an outstretched arm, and with great terribleness, and with signs, and with wonders.

Where, exactly, did these pesukim come from?

These are the phrases said upon fulfilling the mitzvah of bikkurim - of bringing the first of the newly blossomed fruits to the kohen gadol in the Beit Hamikdash, as explained in Parshat Ki Tavo, chapter 26, verses 5-8.

Whaaaaa? Why, when bringing a gift of fruits, do we go back and say "My forefathers were slaves in Egypt"? Seems to kill the moment, which is ostensibly one of happiness - the crops flourished, there will be food for everyone to eat - why are we dredging up historical memories of slavery and bondage?

Because contrary to what it may seem like at first glance, these are words that actually bring us joy. The mitzvah of bikkurim is an acknowledgement of Hashem, in His boundless munificence and glory, choosing us as a nation. And so we say precisely these pesukim as a way to thank Him! These pesukim recognize that Hashem redeemed us from slavery and elevated our status to that of His chosen nation. Thus, these four pesukim (and you'll notice how the four pesukim follows the pattern of "four" found in the haggada) are associated with the concept of hakarat hatov, of gratitude, to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for choosing the descendants of Yaakov to be His nation, the one that will accept the yoke and beauty of the Torah.

Using these pesukim to tell the story of Mitzrayim evokes that feeling of overwhelming gratitude to Hashem that we feel at the time of the bringing of the bikkurim. He redeemed us, He chose us - He infused us with the holiness of being the Jewish nation. By saying these lines, we bring the mood and essence of the bikkurim to our own tables: thanking G-d for what He has done for us.

Furthermore, a person who brings bikkurim is not someone who actually experienced the Yetziah, but rather, is a descendant of someone who did. However, these pesukim are in first person, as though the sayer of them is speaking about a personal experience. So too, we, living 3,320 years after the Exodus, relate the story of Egypt as though it happened to us. These pesukim connect us way back to the people who left Mitzrayim after the shibud, just as the person who is bringing bikkurim connects the events of the enslavement to the ultimate freedom experienced in Eretz Yisrael.

R' Yosef Dov Soloveitchik says the statement made when bringing bikkurim (ie the four pesukim quoted above) celebrates the status of being free. A slave is considered to have no yichus, no lineage - he is just a cog in the wheel. However, with these words, we connect to our family - "Arami oved avi" - my father Yaakov was nearly killed by his father-in-law Lavan. We establish our larger connection to all of the Jewish people with these words, and acknowledging the fact that we have lineage, ancestry, is part of the ultimate statement of freedom.

Have a chag kasher vesameach, and may this be our last Pesach experienced in galut!

Chametz Hockey

Yeah, you read that right. You wanna see where all the fun is?

Check it out.

Why I Love Pesach

Just a short glimpse into my head, and why Pesach Rocks

My Dad: "You want burgers or steak for dinner"
SE: "Either, whatever is easier (Note: I wanted steak but was being polite)
Ezzie afterwards: "Both"
My Dad: "Steak is easier, then there are no rolls"

That's why Pesach rocks!

On Empathy

SJ has a very thoughtful post on empathy, and where do we draw the line on what is proper and what is unhealthy. In discussing this subject recently, I think she also mentioned another factor - how helpful it is or is not. After all, my feeling bad does little or nothing for whomever is affected by a tragedy, does it not? It further strengthens the question: Since I'm not really helping, why be empathetic at all, or more than a certain amount. The passing of R' Henoch Leibowitz yesterday brought this to the forefront of my mind again, as my brother (in Chofetz Chaim) is obviously far greater affected than I.

I have lots to say on the subject, but go over there and give your own input. Interesting discussion...

Baruch Dayan HaEmes

UPDATED From R' Hayim Schwartz of Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim in Kew Gardens Hills, via JL:

With a profound sense of loss that can't be quantified, it pains me to inform you of the passing a few minutes ago of our dear, beloved, respected Rebbe, Hagaon Harav Henach Leibowitz a"h.

The levaya for Rebbe zatzal will be tomorrow, Wednesday, at 12 noon 1:30pm, at the Yeshiva, 76-01 147th Street, in Kew Gardens Hills.

Kevura will be at Mount Judah Cemetery on the Jackie Robinson Parkway.

Baruch Dayan HaEmes.

UPDATES [click to expand - lots of important information, including call-in and online viewing information]

via JH:

Audio/Video Hook-Up Information

To access the video feed: go to http://rsavideo.noblejewels.net
If you access it before the Levaya, you should see a sign about the
Levaya being at 1:30 pm.

There will iy"H be two (2) phone hook-ups for the Levaya. The numbers are:
1-218-936-1600; enter code 7601147
(accommodates only 150 callers)

or

1-712-432-1001; enter code 431238585
(accommodates 1000 callers)

It has been suggested that as these lines can get very busy, it is
advisable to call in early - even up to an hour before (12:30 PM), to
increase your chances of being connected.

via YS:

There will be a phone hookup of the levaya starting at 1:30pm. The number is 218-936-1600. Access number 7601147.

via JL from NS:

1. To accomodate the huge interest in listening to tomorrow's Levaya (our regular service could only accomodate 150 lines), we have arranged a second service with 1000 lines, at a different, second number. Call 712-432-1001, and use access number 431 23 8585#.

2. The Yeshiva has also been able to set up a live video feed of the Levaya which you can access from your personal computer. Connect to http://pointers.audiovideoweb.com/asxfiles-live/1c2winlive6951.asx. There are no limits to the number of people who can access this video feed, and it is accessible from anywhere in the world.*\*

3. To accomodate the fact that all the local yeshivos are already off for Pesach and kids are home, some local girls have volunteered and offered to create a babysitting room during the Levaya, to enable mothers to attend Rebbe's Levaya undisturbed. Mothers should prepare by writing their child's name and their cell phone/emergency number on a small card and pin it to each child or infant they bring. Include any allergy information. Mothers should also be aware that there are no toys or supplies in Yeshiva and should send everything their child may need, labeled with their child's name, including (but not limited to) diapers, wipes, pacifiers, bottles, snacks, drinks, toys, books, anything these girls will need to take care of your young child (please only boys till age 6) during the Levaya. They cannot take responsibility for any lost items. Babysitting will begin a few minutes before the Levaya and will conclude a few minutes after the Levaya. This babysitting room will be in the Blatt Shiur Room on the lower level of the Yeshiva, across the hall from where women will be able to sit during the Levaya.

4. All women who come to the Levaya should please enter through the side entrance to the Yeshiva on 147th Street and proceed downstairs to the Dining Room where chairs and a large video screen have been set up for them. If you are bringing a stroller and/or need to use the elevator, enter the building through the left side of the Campus Plaza, near the office, and proceed to the elevator.

5. Any private busses that may be coming should park on 150th Street. The police have set up that street as a staging area.

6. 147th Street in front of the Yeshiva will be closed to vehicular traffic beginning at 12:30 pm, from 73rd Avenue through 77th Avenue. Please attempt to car pool as parking near the Yeshiva is very limited.

7. After the Levaya, the aron will be driven up to Union Turnpike and will make a right turn onto Union Turnpike. Any and all cars going to the Bais Hakevaros should line up behind the hearse on Union Turnpike and down 147th Street. The local police department plans to shut down Union Turnpike to other vehicular traffic, to enable the expected, large funeral procession to proceed unencumbered.

7. Rabbi Welcher shlita has paskened that any talmid who went through the Rosh HaYeshiva's Blatt Shiur and/or who feels very saddened by the passing of Rebbe zatzal should tear kriah on their shirt after the Levaya, with shem umalchus, Those not attending the Levaya should do so at 3 pm DST.

8. We hope everyone understands the huge operation that we are attempting to perform and will bear with us if there are any snags. We apologize in advance for any difficulties we may experience. We just want to perform Kavod Acharon for our beloved Rebbe zatzal.

YoU Are Sub-Par II...

...that's right kids, it's on like Donkey Kong.

Two Bais Yaakov girls go round the outside; round the outside, round the outside
Two Bais Yaakov girls go round the outside; round the outside, round the outside

Guess who's back
Back again
Rav B's back
Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back...

Almost exactly a year ago, an e-mail exchange went around certain parts of the horror and danger to judaism and all that works for the power of good in this world known as the blogosphere, between a young man and a certain Rav B in Eretz Yisroel. The Rabbi has since been identified as none other than Rav Asher Balanson of OJ (Ohr Yerushalayim) and Mikdash fame.

Unfortunately (who am I kidding, this stuff is awesome) Fortunately, it seems these sort of e-mail exchanges are going to become an annual event, as this recent give and take between a young lady and Rav Balanson clearly indicates.

A personal note: I only take issue with the first part of the dialogue; anything after "I once went out with a boy..." is not too much of a problem for me. After all, she kind of does have it coming. The truth is I am not sure what worries me more from this little electronic question and answer... the questioner’s superiority, arrogance, and self-righteousness, or the answerer’s superiority, arrogance and self-righteousness.

The funny (or sad, depending on your brand of vodka) part is that the worldview of Miss Q'er is a direct result of this type of "advice". The "answers" provided are the cause of some of the very issues they point out! ...and the beat goes on Da da dum Da dum Da da.

Keep in mind that these exchanges (and others like them) are included as part of a weekly public e-mail that is read far and wide.

(Just a word before your descent...What in the name of Daas Torah was Question #1!!!)

Question #2:
>Im sorry to trouble the Rav with a lengthy email, but I was wondering if the Rav could give me eitza...
A: I will try.

>Ive been dating for less than a year. Although Ive gone out with several boys, I havnt once yet been impressed or felt that any of the boys were at all shiach for me.
A: All that means is that they weren't your bashert.

>Ive been told by close friends and Rebbetzins that Im "too picky" and that I just keep finding faults in the boys Im dating and write them off too quickly. I personally dont think Im being picky. On one hand, I understand that its not healthy to have a detailed image in your head of exactly the boy you want to marry, but there are certain things I feel like I need in a boy that Im not yet ready to be mivater on those certain nekudos.
>I want a boy who is going to learn in kollel, who is extremely intense about his learning and yiddishkeit, but who is also a ben aliya -- who is constantly working on his middos and looking for ways to refine himself.
A: That's very nice. However, there aren't very many boys of that sort, and most, if not all, want a girl who comes from a pure Torah house: a house where the father is either a Rosh Yeshiva or who is still in Kollel.

>Ive found that with the majority of boys that Ive dated, they often focus just on learning and not on middos.
>For example, several boys Ive dated have spoken pure lashon harah on the date about different sects of klal yisrael. Often, boys bash YU. Im not AT ALL the YU hashkafah, but even if I dont agree with the hashkafa I would never speak lashon hara, and bash a sect of klal yisrael.
A: Who paskined for you that it is lashon harah to speak against YU? YU goes against the accepted Daas Torah of Gedolei Yisroel and there is no issur at all to speak against them! You simply aren't adequately familiar with the halachos of lashon harah!!

>To me its pure sinas chinam and bashing yiddin, no matter what their hashkafa, drives the shchina away.
A: TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY WRONG!! Rabbeinu Yona writes very clearly that anyone who isn't willing to HATE those who go against HaShem, is a bad person!! YOUR hashkafa here is way way off.

>I spoke to a Rav about this, and he told me that boys will be kanaish about their hashkafos, and will verbalize their disagreement with another hashkafa- but it can be worked on. He told me that when he was dating he did it too in order for the girl to know where he was holding, but then when he got married his wife made him realize that its lashon harah. But its so hard for me, while Im dating to just say "Oh, he's speaking lashon hara now, but together we can work on it" --
>I dont understand why a boy wouldnt have worked on not speaking lashon harah before he gets married!?
A: I don't understand why a girl wouldn't have worked on her hashkafa before she gets married!

>Additionally, many people have told me that Im not going to marry a Rav, that Im marrying potential, and that Im Yirtza Hashem he will gradually grow into his potential. Everyone tells me this, but what can I acutally do lmaaseh? How when Im on a date should I look over things that, to me, seem to be indicative of a lack of yiras shamayim, lack of working on their middos ....etc ?? How, when Im supposed to be looking for the person Im going to spend the rest of my life with, should I overlook things?
A: I don't think that the problem is overlooking things, but rather that you yourself don't have clear Torah hashkafa and therefore don't recognize it when you see it in a boy.

>I once went out with a boy who said something completely insensitive about my past. Even my best friends would never even think to make a comment like that to me, and this boy made a comment on the third date! I said no to going on another date, because I was not only offended but also really hurt. I spoke to a Rav some time later and he told me that I deffinately should not have said no, that boys will sometimes say silly things, and that I should go out with him again. A Rebbetzin that Im close with told me the same - but I dont understand why - I dont think I was being too "picky" or finding faults. He made a totally inappropriate comment, that embarrassed me, and I dont see why I should go out with him again?
A: Because EVERYONE makes mistakes from time to time. If you aren't willing to overlook mistakes, then your married life will be pure Gehenom! If you are so critical now, how will you be after marriage? Don't you think that working on midos includes forgiving mistakes?

>So, on one hand I dont think Im picky, but then on the other hand - is it weird that I've never been impressed with a boy, or that I never thought any of the boys Ive been set up with were at all shiach?
A: Weird? That I don't know. However, you are certainly highly critical and very judgemental, both of which are not good midos at all. Don't you realize that your critical approach to life is a VERY GOOD REASON for a boy to say no to YOU?

>Maybe Hashem gave me a lot of clarity, or maybe everyone's right, and Im just being too picky? I clearly need to work on not being judgmental and critical of the boys I date, but at the same time, I want to make sure I pick the right one!
A: Certainly. However, just like you admit that your midos here are not at all good, why can't you accept that in a boy as well?

>And, if I hope to iyH be moser nefesh to support my husband in kollel, then I want to make sure he's an emesdik eved Hashem!
A: Are you sure that you are one?

>I would really appreciate the Rav's eitza in this matter, and Im sorry that the letter is so long. Thank you very much.
A: I wish you hatzlacha.

Nooooooow this looks like a job for B
So everybody, just follow he
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause it feels so empty, without Rav B
I said this looks like a job for B
So everybody, just follow he
Cause we need a little, controversy
Cause it feels so empty, without Rav B

And remember...YOU ARE SUB-PAR!

Pesach Caption Contest...

...in the comments.

As before - Smart and Funny are your only criteria.

"I tell ya Sol, this holiday is making my wife crazy. She's running around like a...like...well, I can't think of the right analogy but you get what I'm saying."

HEY-O!!!!!!!

Customer Service Tip

Select the option for Espanol and your call will get answered much more quickly. You can speak in English after they pick up. This has worked with many corporations. Adios.

What's Right

Reb Abe sends me a couple of e-mails every week; one from R' Eisenmann, one from R' Aviner. They're always interesting and full of excellent thoughts and information, but a couple points really struck me this weekend. The first is a mildly amusing point from R' Aviner, in his Q&A section about Pesach:

Husband's help

Question: Does a husband have to help his wife?

Answer: A husband does not have to help his wife nor does a wife have to help her husband. Rather, the two of them have to clean together since this is a shared home, and it is a shared life as well.

Heh. Meanwhile, on a more thoughtful note, there was this excerpt from R' Eisenmann, discussing a comment by NJ Governor Jon Corzine at an event.

“Even though I am not a moral leader, nevertheless, I must tell you guys, always wear your seat belts, believe me I know.”

As a person who has been studying the Talmud for thirty seven years, I am usually attuned to extra or seemingly unnecessary words. Immediately it hit me. Why did the Governor have to add on the caveat, “Even though I am not a moral leader”? Why couldn’t he have simply said to my boys, “Listen, I did wrong, I was in a speeding car without and a seat belt and I almost paid for that mistake with my life”? Why did he feel the need to add the disclaimer, “I am not a moral leader”?

I then realized an important lesson. He views himself and indeed all political leaders as just that: political leaders. Things that have to do with laws and legislation are in his arena; if they touch on morality, well that is just coincidental. Morality, that is a specific realm relegated to religious/moral leaders. However, he, as a political leader, is not only not a moral leader, he needed to apologize and preface his words with a disclaimer before commenting on that which in his mind is a moral issue.

I don't think Corzine is at personal fault for thinking this way, as I think most political leaders think this way, and have for a long time. Clinton's escapades in the '90s just made that belief public and turned it into a debate over whether a leader's private failings matter so long as it doesn't affect their job; Guiliani and others likely reinforced this. This isn't just an American phenomenon either; Israel is not only no better, but in many ways, worse.

It would be nice, though, if this idea started to reverse itself, and political leaders were held to a somewhat higher standard as examples for the country. Do they need to be perfect? No. Do they need to be held to the same standard as clergy? No. But they are the examples we all see every day; they are the leaders of cities, states, and our country. In a way, Corzine is not a step down, but a step up. He may not hold himself to be a moral leader, but at least he is willing to speak up on matters of responsibility. Other leaders should do the same, and then take that next step and think of themselves as responsible to be moral examples for this country as well.

In fact, so should we all. In a short aside about a week ago, I mentioned the quote that has been on the header of this blog for a long time. G noted that while it is a good quote, it can be taken too far as well, which I agreed with. While we should not worry about what others think and do what we feel is correct, we still should strive to set a positive example with our actions.

Readers Wanted

Over at "Which Way Is Up?" I've re-evaluated the title and purpose(s) of my blog. Feel free to stop by periodically--and contribute to the discussions, whether old or new.

Teaser Post

All right. So here's the plan for the next month and a half or so on SerandEz & Friends*:

• Update the Guest Bios list to include: The Apple, SJ, Erachet, Squooshball, Special Ed, Cubicle King, Shragi, G, and Moshe.
• Update the J-blogger checklist to include... oh my God, it's way too long. But we're going to simplify it and update it. This should be fun. :)
  
• Try and finish some of the series that I started writing, like How I Met Serach, Childhood of Potential, and whatever else is sitting there unfinished. (i.e. all of them)
• Laugh at G.
• Survive the last 3 weeks (!) of busy season, with Pesach interspersed in the middle of it.
• Not have any more weekend guests until May! (Um, not as crazy as it sounds. Think.)
• Figure out why this blog gets more hits the less I write. (Wait a second....!!!)
• Update the blogroll. No, really!
• Label all the unlabeled posts, at least from the last few months.
• Change the header. :::gasp:::
• Um, and other stuff.
  

Yeah, exciting, right? Thought so.

* Who noticed before they read that? Huh? Did you even notice yet? Ha - didn't think so.