... To the Congress of the United Cavalier Fans
Yesterday, May 13, 2010 - a date which will live in infamy - the Cleveland Cavaliers of the National Basketball Association was suddenly and deliberately attacked by forces of the Empire of LeBron.
The Cavs organization was at peace with that person and, at the solicitation of Cavs Fans, was still in conversation with the Horesemen and their emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace, and a max deal contract, in the off-season.
Indeed, one hour after LeBron jumpers had commenced bricking in Boston, the League Commissioner delivered to the Cavalier front office a formal reply to a recent message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing contract negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Boston from New York makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Global Icon has deliberately sought to deceive the Cavaliers by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace and playoff victories.
Yes, I'm bitter
Yes, I'm angry
Yes, I know that this is being ungrateful
No, right now I do not care