Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Somewhere in Between

I can't be
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing 
Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening 
This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was 
I wish that it was just that easy
Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream? 
~ Somewhere in Between by Lifehouse
I was sitting at this computer tonight, not quite ready to head to sleep, wanting to write... but not really sure what I wanted to write. I noticed that my Pandora was paused, so I hit play - and the above song started playing, and it was absolutely perfect.

Earlier today, a couple of good friends who are in town for Sukkos stopped by briefly to say hello, and one friend noted that the present time must be a nice feeling for me in a lot of ways: Thank God, some important aspects of life are looking up nicely, and before those "get going", I have a couple weeks to relax - particularly weeks that include Sukkos, which is always a really nice Yom Tov. I agreed (and do agree), but while this has been true for a few weeks now, there's this other feeling that comes along with it that's a bit weird: A feeling of being caught somewhere in between.

(I had written much more, but removed it.)

Suffice it to say that being somewhere in between is odd: It's hard, but it's not necessarily bad. As the song says, your mind is racing, but in circles. You feel unsturdy, but you feel that tomorrow you will be in far more control... probably. You've been waiting for so much, and prepared and worked hard for them, and now there's not much to do but wait - and then take it from there. Meanwhile, you just wait, knowing what's coming.

Here's to the future: May it be completely real, yet feel like a dream.

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