tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post115385180082064232..comments2024-03-02T03:29:09.759-05:00Comments on SerandEz and Friends: "Nobody Will Marry Him"Ezziehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1155387463269712672006-08-12T08:57:00.000-04:002006-08-12T08:57:00.000-04:00Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Ke...Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.<BR/><A HREF="http://hori.at/privatkredit_billig.html" REL="nofollow">»</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1155215394029923092006-08-10T09:09:00.000-04:002006-08-10T09:09:00.000-04:00Your website has a useful information for beginner...Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.<BR/><A HREF="http://frado.at/wellness_schweiz.html" REL="nofollow">»</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1155117228442324452006-08-09T05:53:00.000-04:002006-08-09T05:53:00.000-04:00Here are some links that I believe will be interes...<A HREF="http://ellaw.at/immobilienmakler_oesterreich.html" REL="nofollow">Here</A> are some links that I believe will be interestedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1154013535523357112006-07-27T11:18:00.000-04:002006-07-27T11:18:00.000-04:00i'm not a stacker, i just think it's gross... ann...i'm not a stacker, i just think it's gross... annoys my husband though because he just likes to get it over with.<BR/><BR/>the tablecloth business is true, sick but true. we were once discussing the issue with our former rabbi, who at the time had almost shidduch age daughters. his reaction? "if someone cares so much about the tablecloth, so much so that it would interfere with a great shidduch, then i wouldn't want my daughter to marry into such a stupid family!"nikkihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10940223046751850440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1154004573655590852006-07-27T08:49:00.000-04:002006-07-27T08:49:00.000-04:00Anonymous - Thank you very much. I really apprecia...Anonymous - Thank you very much. I really appreciate your comments.Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153995824466336392006-07-27T06:23:00.000-04:002006-07-27T06:23:00.000-04:00Good conversation on an important topic.A few comm...Good conversation on an important topic.<BR/><BR/>A few comments from someone who has dealt with a similar issue:<BR/><BR/>1) There are ways for a victim to testify or give evidence while being shielded from too much publicity. This is especially true for minors.<BR/><BR/>2) Keeping secrets such as these distorts the entire family structure and relationships. I have seen this again and again, with secrets including various mental/physical ailments and other financial/social/human but somehow "shameful" situations.<BR/><BR/>And as we have seen from several recent episodes, the corrosion and distortion can extend across an entire community when a public figure's misdeeds are covered up.<BR/><BR/>3) It's increasingly clear that for many, leaving these stifling social frameworks is an essential, healthy step - for growth in ruchniyus, and for normal mental balance and health.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153955066739659452006-07-26T19:04:00.000-04:002006-07-26T19:04:00.000-04:00Avrom-I used to wonder the same things until someo...Avrom-I used to wonder the same things until someone asked them about a lady I suggested (not tablecloths, but dress size-and, no, not a simple question of slim or average, but an actual size).<BR/><BR/>So, while these things seem like urban legend, the legends didn't develop out of thin air!Orthonomicshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07892074485262548496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153942282301965962006-07-26T15:31:00.000-04:002006-07-26T15:31:00.000-04:00Josh - True. :)Josh - True. :)Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153939587700050162006-07-26T14:46:00.000-04:002006-07-26T14:46:00.000-04:00It is a logical deduction when between 4 and 6 peo...<I>It is a logical deduction when between 4 and 6 people I know who were molested all molested others; </I><BR/><BR/>OK, this was different than your original argument of <I>To date, every single person I know who molested someone was himself molested.</I>, but would be a premise to support your contention (leaving aside OCh's objection, as you mentioned). Logical objection retracted. :-)Josh M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14414532577328945154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153935269122505302006-07-26T13:34:00.000-04:002006-07-26T13:34:00.000-04:00Avrom - I've always wondered the same. However, I'...Avrom - I've always wondered the same. However, I've been asked some ridiculous questions about people we know that are along those lines.Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153934825925017432006-07-26T13:27:00.000-04:002006-07-26T13:27:00.000-04:00Hi,I was just reading through the comments and saw...Hi,<BR/><BR/>I was just reading through the comments and saw the "how do you clear the tablecloth on Shabbos" as something to look for in a shiduch. I read something similar once regarding what "type" of tablecloth used.<BR/><BR/>What I was seriously wondering was:<BR/>Does anyone actually KNOW anyone who was looking for a shiduch and had to meet the "tablecloth" (or other ridiculous) criteria? I personally do not know anyone who had to do that.<BR/>My point being is that I really wonder if it really happens and if it does, how common is it?<BR/>I have a feeling that it is quite rare.Avromhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03008882029101180016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153932526836120272006-07-26T12:48:00.000-04:002006-07-26T12:48:00.000-04:00Josh - Yes and no. It is a logical deduction when ...Josh - Yes and no. It is a logical deduction when between 4 and 6 people I know who were molested all molested others; however, it's the flaw of anecdotal evidence (which is what OC is rightfully pointing out) in that perhaps I happen to know the small percentage who did so.Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153932206302716062006-07-26T12:43:00.000-04:002006-07-26T12:43:00.000-04:00Very nice post. One point of logic though - while...Very nice post. <BR/><BR/>One point of logic though - while you're arguing that "all too often" molested children end up becoming molesters, your anecdotal evidence is only that many molesters were once molested children. The two are entirely different arguments. To wit, all nickels are coins, but not all coins are nickels.Josh M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14414532577328945154noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153907170121487342006-07-26T05:46:00.000-04:002006-07-26T05:46:00.000-04:00Ezzie, actually, a lot of studies have been done o...Ezzie, actually, a lot of studies have been done on this subject, and they have all said what I am telling you. Anectodal evidence is NOT qualitative or quantitative evidence. <BR/><BR/>I am an advocate for children and sexually abused people. I have been for 3 years now. I want to see these animals who abuse children in this way put behind bars for life, but I will not say something that isn't true just to garner more support. <BR/><BR/>I'm sorry, but you are incorrect. All available evidence and studies show that those who are mollested are at slightly more, but not significantly more, risk to sexually abuse others than those that have not been mollested.<BR/>-OCOlah Chadashahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04944285441651551482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153898035122573842006-07-26T03:13:00.000-04:002006-07-26T03:13:00.000-04:00From the point of view of somebody who's been thro...From the point of view of somebody who's been through nasty crap, and married somebody who's been through worse:<BR/><BR/>The victim shouldn't be forced into doing anything, but should definitely be encouraged to fight back. A child or teenager can't do this on their own, and any parent who really cares should give them full support to take action. Sometimes encouragement will even border on pressure, because it's hard for a victim to believe they can fight back. But have you ever heard of anybody who regretted it? I WISH my parents had made a bigger fuss, in the minor situations I experienced. It would have been embarrassing, but would have validated my feelings of violation, anger, and betrayal. <BR/><BR/>On marrying somebody with abuse issues: If that factor turns away a potential mate, that mate isn't suitable. I would go so far as to say that mate isn't suitable even for somebody without abuse issues, because there's no guarantee the family won't be touched by abuse or other tragedy in the future. You want a perfect little world, you're not gonna find it on this planet.Kiwi the Geekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13656977260755719619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153893420911822782006-07-26T01:57:00.000-04:002006-07-26T01:57:00.000-04:00Chana - Ha! We have our garbage in the same room a...Chana - Ha! We have our garbage in the same room as the meal, so we do it right in front of everyone. :)<BR/><BR/>KM - Well, I hinted to it when I talked about how they're discouraged from doing anything about it... but you're right, that's another point. And it is sick.Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153892804328303072006-07-26T01:46:00.000-04:002006-07-26T01:46:00.000-04:00Sick,sick,sick. You didn't mention the fact that o...Sick,sick,sick. You didn't mention the fact that once someone goes for therapy, their shidduch chances are a heck of a lot slimmer anyway. AHHHHH.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153890726308025762006-07-26T01:12:00.000-04:002006-07-26T01:12:00.000-04:00Ezzie - LOL. Thanks for the clarification. Seems m...Ezzie - LOL. Thanks for the clarification. Seems my kids would be back on the list, IF I would let them on. <BR/><BR/>My house isn't big enough to have a formal dining room that's completely separate from the kitchen, so the plates just get set on the counter by the garbage can. I feel so couth! But yet... not having a separate dining room? Surely that's a shanda in its own right...have popcorn will lurkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03200484265589054583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153886265795506772006-07-25T23:57:00.000-04:002006-07-25T23:57:00.000-04:00Liorah - I got where you were going. ;)Liorah - I got where you were going. ;)Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153885785321539762006-07-25T23:49:00.000-04:002006-07-25T23:49:00.000-04:00where the other person is not equipped to handle t...<I>where the other person is not equipped to handle their issues</I><BR/><BR/>that's a much better way of saying what I meantLorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09467293583953795947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153883591945602462006-07-25T23:13:00.000-04:002006-07-25T23:13:00.000-04:00Chana - it's talking about clearing plates. Appare...Chana - it's talking about clearing plates. Apparently, one is supposed to take each one back to the kitchen individually and clean it, not take (say) 4 at once by pushing the garbage of 3 onto the fourth and carrying them all together.<BR/><BR/>Ugh.<BR/><BR/>Mordy - I think I'm going to throw up about the first part of that comment... and amen on the second.<BR/><BR/>Rea - Thanks man. :)<BR/><BR/>Sephardi Lady - Perfect comment. Perfect.<BR/><BR/>Irina - That's another great point, and worthy of a post.Ezziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12494592434522239195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153882832760224662006-07-25T23:00:00.000-04:002006-07-25T23:00:00.000-04:00You know what REALLY is bothering me about this qu...You know what REALLY is bothering me about this quote? The idea that because someone was MOLESTED, no one will ever want him. I mean, come on. What century are we living in? I think it's an extremely ignorant statement, and the idea that there are people truly believing in something like that bothers me a great deal. What's worse is thinking "What if they are right?" What if many people ARE indeed so ignorant that they will blame the victim for being molested and DO see it as something dishonorable? If that's indeed the case, well, clearly somebody is doing something wrong.Irina Tsukermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10964771563778702009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153869434454690572006-07-25T19:17:00.000-04:002006-07-25T19:17:00.000-04:00When financial issues are addressed, the chorus is...When financial issues are addressed, the chorus is "bitachon, bitachon, bitachon." <BR/><BR/>I wish that the same chorus could be heard regarding shidduchim: have some bitachon. There is a match out there for each person, even if the person faced unusual challenges, even if the person didn't go to the "right" schools, even if the families didn't do the "right" things. <BR/><BR/>The right shidduch might not come with the "proper" yichus and the proper family. The right shidduch might not come in the right shell. The right shidduch might not come from the right money. But, ultimately, the right shidduch is the right shidduch (even if that spouse shows up late). <BR/><BR/>So, seek the help you need and (when it comes to criminal acts like molestation) remember that others need protected too, and that your good name is not the only name needing protection.Orthonomicshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07892074485262548496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153868185488963242006-07-25T18:56:00.000-04:002006-07-25T18:56:00.000-04:00I stack at the table....sue me.I stack at the table....sue me.Reahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02649376701210070019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13326001.post-1153866108786665612006-07-25T18:21:00.000-04:002006-07-25T18:21:00.000-04:00Add this one to your lists people:I just heard thi...Add this one to your lists people:<BR/>I just heard this past Saturday night that a close friend of mine's parents want to sell their house. This family from Brooklyn is looking to move into their house, and although there are like four or five other houses on the market in that particular neighborhood, the family specifically wants their house. His parents did a little digging and they found out that the reason this family wants their house is because they're surrounded on all sides by rich neighbors and their cul-de-sac has a really rich family that's like really big in the community. So this Brooklyn family believes it'll help their kids get a better shidduch because living in that corner of the neighborhood will bring them up in the social ladder. I don't think I've ever heard of a more krum logic in my life. What a bunch of truly confused Jews.<BR/><BR/>And I believe Scraps got it right. A HECK of a lot of therapy. However, what annoys me is when someone actually goes and gets help, and the shrink tells them to do certain things, like publicly address their issues. But the parents with all their wisdom (and sometimes their "all-knowing" Rabbeim) tell them another method of dealing with their problems, that includes never ever ever talking about the fact they were molested and/or molested others. So now you got parents who are totally fine with ignoring what has happened because they did send their kid to therapy (or just to an out of town yeshiva instead)and then the kid has gained absolutely nothing. And I don't know whether kids who were molested necessarily are going to molest others, but I do know of cases where molestation was basically passed down from a couple of generations ago like a mesorah (l'havdil elef havdolos). So one thing we should learn from our modern, educated society, is that it's ok to address your problems. We're not as tough as our grandparents generation. When we go through something traumatic, we need therapy. And everyone deserves it and should not have to worry about getting married because of it.MordyShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18265671954006341688noreply@blogger.com