BEST - WEDDING - EVER!!!...

...

Depression in the Frum Community

With special thanks to AlanLaz for pointing out the follow-up to the story to me, and to many friends, family, and others for all they've shared over the years.

A young man from Toronto, studying in Ner Israel Rabbinical College (Ner Yisroel) in Baltimore, died yesterday. He was 24 years old; married; and according to all those who knew him, an incredibly wonderful young man.

According to the policeman who witnessed the event, he died when he jumped off the Millard E. Tydings Memorial Bridge on I-95 into the Susquehanna River.

This post is not to talk about his tragic death, but the immediate aftermath. Nearly every Jewish website that reported on the story claimed at the time that the young man had been in a one car crash on the windy bridge and been thrown from his vehicle into the water.*

Phil Jacobs of the Baltimore Jewish Times says it perfectly, and please read his whole piece, as it's so important:

What concerned me the most was the initial public comment that this couldn’t possibly have been a suicide, that it was an accident.
What concerns me is this propensity to cover up.
Because what this does is it discourages others who could be suffering from chronic depression from seeking help. No, not the help that their rav can give them, but the help that a licensed clinical social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist could help them with. Or stated differently, the best help the rav could give a troubled soul is a referral to a trained professional.
It is one thing to be sad, but quite another to be depressed. It is one thing to say, “I feel like killing myself,” but it’s quite another to actually find that dark place where a realization that this is “for keeps” still isn’t enough to stop one from ending his life.
There is such a daunting list of reasons why a person living in an insular life wouldn’t seek treatment. I guess going to a “shrink” could end up impacting a relative’s shidduch (dating ability). I guess getting psychological help carries with it a stigma that connects to words such as “weakness” or “instability.”
But then there is the possibility of our old friend arrogance holding power over accountability. If this was, indeed, a suicide, I fear that it was arrogance taking a troubled soul away from us. It’s the same cover, the same hurt that keeps some of us from asking for help we desperately need for ourselves or our loved ones who have been sexually molested, verbally or physically assaulted.
Our rabbis can offer up Rashi or Rambam. But we some need are therapy and yes even medications. That’s not a weakness, that’s a strength that makes sense.

Look around your table this Shabbos. How many people are there? 4? 8? Statistically, slightly over one in four people in this country suffer (about 58 million) from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. This rate is not lower in the Orthodox Jewish community. The odds are that around a given Shabbos table, either the person sitting on your right, on your left, across from you, or you yourself, suffer from something like depression**.

I still recall a meal we had once at someone else's house, with a number of others. It might have been a simcha of some sort, I can't recall. The topic of depression came up, and one close friend spoke out against the stigmatizing of it, noting the number just cited of 1 in 4, and then raised their hand stating openly, "Hey, I suffer from depression. I'm also doing what I can to take care of it properly." This was in front of their spouse, family members, and friends. Nobody in the family even blinked - for them, this wasn't a stigma, or "shameful". It was part of life - as with anything, you find someone who can help you and you work at it, whether with therapy, medication, exercise, or something else. I thought this was incredible, and something that is sorely lacking among far too many of us. We stigmatize so much - why? Wouldn't it be better for everyone if all those who needed help felt comfortable seeking it?

A large part of our automatic stigmatizing seems to come from lack of education and fear. We don't understand things like depression, so we're scared of it. Some people think that if someone is depressed they must be somehow "dangerous". Others think that if someone is considered depressed, they must be unhappy, and "who would want to be married to such a person". Sometimes people seem to think that it's "difficult" to deal with someone who suffers from depression. Well, maybe it can be sometimes, and certainly not everyone is equipped to deal with someone who is. Then again, after 4-1/2 years [today!], Serach will tell you that I'm pretty difficult sometimes, and I don't suffer from any mental disorders that I am aware of, and I'm sure that not everyone would be a good match for me, either. (This brings to mind this excellent old post by Pobody's Nerfect - read through the comments.) There's a profound lack of knowledge about depression and an amazing amount of misinformation. I know that I have been corrected many times in the past, and surely I still have much to learn - despite many conversations and having read plenty of material on the subject. The more we know, the easier it is to understand, help, and avoid these stigmas.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I guess it's to repeat what Mr. Jacobs is emphasizing in his article. We need to stop stigmatizing mental illnesses, we need to be encouraging to each other who need it to seek the help they need.

Mental illness needs the same sort of tender loving care. It is not intangible, it hurts. Depression has physical pain in many instances connected to it. It shouldn’t be treated with shame nor embarrassment. Because if it is treated as a stigma, more “amazing, kind, gentle learned men,” could look for bridges to stop their pain instead of seeking our help.

And that cannot be.

* For what it's worth, VIN has since apologized and corrected the story; YeshivaWorld has not.
** I'm picking depression only because it's more common and I'm most familiar with it.

Who Manages YU's Money?

Crain's reported today that YU restated its losses from $110 million to $14.5 million from the Madoff situation, citing incorrect information from Ezra Merkin of Ascot. Reading a bit further, however, shows that YU is still out all the money - merely that the rest of the $110m wasn't originally invested with Merkin/Madoff, but profits they thought they'd gained.

This raises even more questions, not less: Did YU believe it was earning some consistent outrageous percentage every single year, that a $14.5 million investment climbed to $110 million?! Unfortunately, the article doesn't say when the money was invested, but let's put it back as far as 10 years - for the money to have grown that much in that span of time, it would have had to average a 22+% gain every single year! It's hard enough to believe that people didn't catch Madoff's consistent 10%, but at least there he had "audited" financials and (fictional) data that backed up his returns.

If you're managing YU's endowments, and you have money invested through someone (Merkin, in this case), and he tells you that you're earning a huge percentage on your money every year, wouldn't you - even out of curiousity! - ask "Wow, that's amazing, how?!" Wouldn't you wonder if it was too good to be true at some point? Wouldn't you wonder how you're getting that percentage when even the fund it's invested in is only claiming 10-11% each year? And if you don't know that it's invested with Madoff, but think it's with Merkin, wouldn't you be taking a look at their financial statements and trying to figure out how they are up that percentage each year? Was Merkin's Ascot Partners even claiming to return those numbers each year?

Mind-boggling.

Can Digital Media Save Israel?

Our friend Jon (whose job title at Digitas is "Emerging Channels Specialist", so he actually knows this stuff a bit) posits that this is the first digital social war:

In a war, everyone has a story to tell. For the first time ever, we are witnessing the first true digital social war.

The Israeli Government and friends of Israel are working tirelessly to share, inform, converse, gather, socialize, advocate and persuade. While diplomatic channels may be closed, the web is always open.

From a marketers perspective, war is the ultimate PR nightmare.

Israel the brand looks to be gearing up to face this head on.

While certainly every war translates into PR battles all over, and Israel has always had its difficulty fighting this battle with a world seemingly bent on being against Israel, new media may be allowing Israel to show its side of the story - unfiltered by major media outlets or foreign governments. While it was Hezbollah who took better of advantage of devices such as YouTube a couple years ago to quickly put up videos of wounded from an Israeli airstrike, Israel is now doing the same (if not better) to put those airstrikes into context - whether by showing rockets being loaded on a truck in a residential neighborhood or the secondary explosions from an ammunition depot in the heart of a Gazan town. Israel has long been ahead of the Palestinians in power and with its moral standards; if they can stay ahead in public relations, perhaps they can actually win a war.

YouTube Pulls IDF Videos

(Hat tip: Jameel) That didn't take long. YouTube has pulled some of the IDF videos from its site, though there are countless other videos of the same type. Of course they pulled the ones that best showed how Hamas keeps its weaponry smack in the middle of civilian populations, and that Israel does anything but bomb indiscriminately.

Shocker.

Tweet With Israel? & NFL > Congress

Via WBM, this is interesting. The Israeli Consulate is holding a Twitter Press Conference:

[Today], 30 December, from 1-3PM EST, David Saranga, Consul of Media and Public Affairs in New York, will answer your questions about the situation in Israel and Gaza in a “Citizens’ Press Conference.”

You can submit your question by directing it to our Twitter account at http://www.twitter.com/IsraelConsulate . We will do our best to answer through Twitter. If an answer requires more than the 140 character limit, we will respond on Twitter with a link to an answer posted in this blog.

We hope you will be able to join us–tell your friends!!

Elsewhere, in case you didn't know it, the NFL is far superior to Congress in so many ways, not least among them accountability. If only Congress could learn from the NFL how to manage, how to hire and fire, how to hold people accountable, how to utilize resources effectively, and of course, even giving everyone the same assets to start with doesn't mean that everyone will end up the same. In fact, some people manage their assets and operations so badly they lose every last dime time.

As The War Rages

Sorry for no posts considering all that's happening, been a bit under the weather here.

My in-laws, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and nephew are heading to Israel for another nephew's Bar Mitzvah this week. (Mazel Tov to the OurBS, Eh?/Eema2Four family!) Even if they weren't, and even if almost all my living relatives and way too many friends and family friends didn't, it would still be important to know what's going on in Israel this week, as the war with Hamas in Gaza rages on, SO:

• Jameel and Dave are (as usual) live-blogging as much as possible. They're the best sources of straight up "what's happening" that you'll find, certainly here in the States.
• Jack has a pair of roundups of some of the better posts about what's happening, so check those out. He's putting together a third one now.
  
• If you only have time for a couple people, Treppenwitz has had a few great posts this week that really get to the heart of it all; he also notes what anyone can do to help.
• ADDeRabbi has probably the shortest, sweetest post that nails the media coverage perfectly. (Eliezer StrongBad also liked this one and pointed it out as well.) On the flip side, Daled Amos notes that this time around is a little better, with Al-Aqsa even showing a Palestinian girl blaming Hamas for all wars. We'll see.
• I thought this DryBones comic was telling. Read his post, too, but here's the comic: Note that this was not written today, but 33 years ago. Some things just have not changed...
  
• Finally, one thing the IDF and Israel seem to have realized is that PR is extremely important. To that end, the Israel Defense Force seems to have created a YouTube account - IDFNADESK - and they have been putting up videos of operations being carried out. The videos are very telling, showing just how Hamas situates itself among civilian populations - from ammunition depots to carrying missiles to trucks for transport in the middle of the cities - before showing them being blown off the face of the earth. It's actually mind-boggling that Israel has managed to be as precise as they have been in avoiding civilian casualties. (Trep has a good post on this, actually.) Here's one of the videos:

Please have everyone in Israel and serving in the military in your prayers.

The War Has Started in Israel

Shabbat Morning in Israel -- IAF jets attacked Gaza and the operation has begun.

Jameel is war-blogging again; get the latest up-to-date news at The Muqata.

Shavua Tov, Chodesh Tov, Chanuka Sameach.

--Jameel

PS: let's hope we win this time.

95 Years of Grandma

(Note: I better not be getting the night wrong.)

Tonight my dear grandmother in Cleveland turns 95, as the 5th light of Chanukah is her (Hebrew) birthday. She may not usually remember who I am anymore, but Reb Abe sent me something last night that puts that into perspective, albeit differently, from R' Aviner:

My friend told me a children's story about an 80 year old man who came to a doctor's office for a treatment. He requested that they perform the treatment as quickly as possible because he is in a hurry.

During the treatment the nurse asked: "Where are you hurrying off to? Do you have an important doctor's appointment?"

"No, I am eating with my wife in the hospital?"

"What is wrong with her?"

"She has had Alzheimer's for a few years already."

"And if you are a little late, will she worry?"

"No, she does not understand what is happening to her. For the last five years she does not recognize anyone, not even me."

"And you visit her every morning even though she does not know who you are?" – the nurse said surprisingly.

"She does not know who I am," the man said smiling, "But I know who she is and who she was."

We love you Grandma, and Happy Birthday!! May you have many more years of smiles! :)

And now, the best song of the season, which is worth reposting every year:

Appreciating Miracles, Indeed

JACP has a beautiful post on Chanukah, miracles, and appreciating why things happen. Excerpt:

I walked into the dining room to close the shades now that the Menorah had finished burning, and realized that it was the third night of Chanukah- exactly five years to the day that I met my husband. Seems like ages ago that I met him in pajamas with a huge mask covering my face, but it wasn't, it was only five years ago.

Five years ago it seemed like I was at my worst- like things were never going to get better. Like I was never going to have hair again, never going to finish treatments, never going to get out of the dark.

But then, at a most unexpected time, my miracle began. I met my husband. None of us knew at the time where that meeting would being us five years later, but looking back, I can definitely say that was the start of my miracle.

Or maybe it wasn't.

Chanukah Video #4 - Kids Time

This is from the Shalom School in Sacramento, CA.

I Hate NYC: Part 480,000,001

Firstly, please daven for a couple of people who really need it at this time. I rarely post such things as it can be never ending, but please help out here: My cousin (who I was very close with when I was in Israel) is having (or had?) gall bladder surgery in Israel - Miriam Necha bas Mindel Devorah. Also, an old Rebbe of mine from OJ's son had leukemia 9 years ago and came through with flying colors BH. Last Thursday he was diagnosed with cancer in his stomach and things do not look good for him. His name is Yaakov Yitzchak ben Rut Nechama.

On a slightly different note, it bothers me tremendously that someone can skid, smash three cars, destroying one bumper, and have no problem driving away without leaving a note or anything. It's just disgusting. (So are street parking, horrible city plowing, expensive rent, and heat you can't control, to varying levels.)

Meanwhile, the New York Yankees now have the four highest-paid players in baseball. This bothers me - not because the Yankees are taking advantage of the system that is in place, which is their right to do, but because the system is horrible. Capitalism is amazing for an economy in general - but nobody wants capitalism like that within sports! We want each team to have a reasonable chance, at least at the outset, and those who run their teams better and play better should win. It's why football is the best sport by a large margin.

Some people are complaining about the Yankees spending so much when the NY economy is so bad, and there are record numbers of unemployed or homeless people in the city - which sounds stupid on the face of it. What does one have to do with the other? They should destroy their business because other people lost their jobs and money? That doesn't make sense. But that said, it does bother me anyway, and this post (via Deadspin) sums it up perfectly:

As of 4pm today, the Yankees have spent $423 million dollars on free agents this offseason. New York now has a record number of homeless families. Six months ago, the Yankees asked the city of New York for an additional $480 million dollars to fund that new piece of crap stadium. They bulldozed parks that used to be playgrounds for the children of the South Bronx. There were plenty of shady backroom deals involving the market value of Yankee stadum.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, NYC taxpayers. Get angry, because you should be.

How much is too much? Personally, I'm done with baseball, until they implement a salary cap. It's officially out of control.

Grrr.

3rd Day of Chanukah

Some good stuff to start the day:

• PsychoToddler took part once again in an online holiday concert, and I thought it was really good.
• BeyondBT with a good post on how Judaism should be fun.
• They also had a good post yesterday on what can be done to avoid the feeling of being "judged" on the part of non-religious people when discussing religion.
• Stam sent me this hilarious post on latkes. Just enjoy the language. :) [Clean!]
  

Chanukah Video #3 - I Am A Good Boy

Elianna keeps informing me that I am a "good boy", whether it is for blowing on my soup as ordered or responding to her "Boker Tov" (though it's dark out) as ordered. And "that's better" when I let her help me make a line on a piece of paper as opposed to trying it myself.

Tonight's videos for your enjoyment on this third night of Chanukah:

• RafiG has three videos, but I like the first one best;
• Dave has a somewhat funny clip on the second candle;
• and I get sent things sometimes in the hopes that I'll write about them. I was sent "Songs in the Key of Hanukkah", which looks pretty interesting and far better than most of what I get, but I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet. From what I have heard of it, I'm betting that people who like the styles of music in general will love it, while others simply won't be interested except for a song or two. It was certainly put together really well (by Ali G/Sasha Baron Cohen's brother Erran Baron Cohen, interestingly, who is in the video below), and includes people like Idan Raichel (remember "Bo-i"?), Y-Love, Jules Brookes, and Yasmin Levy. Now, if someone can explain why every video uses Chassidim, I'd love to hear it - meanwhile, this is pretty entertaining:
  
  

Enjoy!

First Suicide From Madoff

This is sad, and it's easy to imagine it won't be the only one:

A founder of a hedge fund that lost as much as $1.4 billion in the alleged Bernard Madoff scheme committed suicide in his New York City office, according to several media reports.

Rene-Thierry Magon de La Villehuchet of Access International Advisors was found dead early Tuesday morning, reported French business paper La Tribune, Bloomberg News and The New York Times.

The 65-year-old Villehuchet had lost as much as $1.4 billion invested with Madoff, the Tribune reported.

Via Dealbreaker and FoxNews.

2nd Day of Chanukah

There's so much inspiration in life if people simply wish to see it.

It's amazing how much we have going on this Chanukah, when we were thinking it would be a rather quiet one. After Ed's vort on Sunday, we had a party last night at my grandparents with my brother, SIL, and Ben, Hen, and Shen; on our way out, my grandmother happens to slide in that "Oh, we're moving to a retirement community in Philadelphia*". Oh, really? When? "Oh, we're starting to pack now, it'll be 2-3 months." I call my mother, and did she know? No, of course not. Ahh, family. Meanwhile, I loved how this photo came out - it's one of my great-grandfather's paintings behind my grandfather's menorah.

This morning, I attended a bris of the son of friends of ours. What's especially nice is that the family of the mother was one which I am particularly close to, and as they live out in the Milwaukee tundra, we only see each other when they have a family simcha here. Tonight, Serach is eating out with a friend while I may go to the Lander chagiga; and we're invited to/part of six more chagigot, birthday and graduation parties, a kiddush, and a bar mitzvah before Chanukah is over. A couple weeks ago, we had nothing in mind but the visit to my grandparents. Life can change fast...

There are some really nice pieces out there today, so enjoy them, and again, Happy Chanukah:

• The Jewish Week has a great piece on R' Horowitz: The Teen Whisperer.
  
• David Linn has a nice story about his grampa's menorah.
• Erachet writes a fascinating story about a (non-religious) woman who wanted to celebrate Chanukah with her daughter, and got it wrong - but so right.
• Northern Light notes some interesting details and sensitivities from her recent trip to the White House. I think it shows how attention to details can matter, even if nobody would really care, and it's really nice.
  
• Great quote:

  Chance favors those in motion. ~ James H. Austin
  

• Jewlicious hosts Haveil Havalim #197!
• Gil discusses what mussar should and shouldn't be learned by/about YU from the Madoff story (quoting the NYT piece).

* One interesting twist on why we care a bit: My grandparents are Conservative, with my grandfather leaning more to the Orthodox side and my grandmother more to the Reform. They'd been looking at two communities - one in Cleveland, which is for everyone but the shul is Orthodox; the one in Philly has a woman rabbi and is less religious, and my grandfather would probably be less comfortable there. But available is available, and they really shouldn't be living completely on their own in icy Queens.

Chanukah Video #2 & Fantasy Football Finish

For tonight's present, I enjoyed this video entitled Pass The Candle:

It's cute, with mostly self-submitted videos that people gave in response to a YouTube request for the video; I recognize a couple of bloggers in there, actually.

This year was a fascinating year for fantasy football, where the drafts meant nothing and the pickups were everything. And now, this year's results:

• My brother-in-law and I run a team together each year, and each year, we seem to start slow, make a run, and fall short. And he's not even from Cleveland! This year was no different, with a horrible team that still was in the race after a one-point win in Week 9 to improve to 5-4 - followed by a two-point loss in Week 10, and one-point losses in both Week 13 AND Week 14 to finish 6-8.
• More importantly, we also run a league for a bunch of friends; in Season Two, my good friend BeardedMan beat SerandEz' own Squooshball in the Super Bowl this week for the championship trophy (and its accompanying winnings).
• Finally, in the J-blogger league NoyG put together, G defeated Squooshball in the semifinals before destroying Eliezer StrongBad this weekend in the Super Bowl. (Sorry, but that was destruction.)
  

All that's left for me now is my old office pool, where I will be in fourth, four points back of the leader, going into Week 17. Top six win something, with first place worth a little more than a month of KGH rent... Week 1's last place finish may come back to bite me hard, as I've had the most points from Week 2 onward.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 1st Day of Chanukah

I got sent an email pitching a book by some website today, and the pitch had a link which included some great quotes. One of the best:

It’s our attitude in life that determines life’s attitude toward us. ~ Earl Nightingale

I've posted many Chanukah videos and links in past years, some which are really fun and entertaining, so feel free to peruse the archives... I'm always partial to this candles "choir". :) Meanwhile, people like R' Gil at Hirhurim have great stuff from the past years, from halacha to history to other interesting posts. Elsewhere...

• President Bush over the last number of years has written a personal letter to every family of every soldier who has been killed while serving in the Middle East (about 4,000). That's truly an amazing, heartfelt gesture by a President.
• Great post on SoccerDad noting that the question (upon the death of Mark Felt, the Watergate "Deep Throat") is not whether the media could uncover such a scandal now, but if they would.
• This blog recorded hit #350,000 this morning. Thanks to all the SerandEz writers, readers, commenters, lurkers, and of course, friends!!
  

Dr. Seuss' Hanukkah...

...I am G

G I am...

That Rabbi Flax!
That Rabbi Flax!
I do not like
that Rabbi Flax!

Do you light candles of wax?

I do not light candles of wax.
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

Would you light them here or there?

I would not light them here or there.
I would not light them anywhere.
I do not like light candles of wax.
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

Would you light them in your house?
Would you light them for your spouse?

I do not light them in my house.
I do not light them for my spouse.
I do not light them here or there.
I do not light them anywhere.
I do not light candles of wax.
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

Would you light Telzies* from that box?
Would you light them in your sox?

Not from that box.
Not in my sox.
Not in my house.
Not for my spouse.
I would not light them here or there.
I would not light them anywhere.
I would not light candles of wax.
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Light them! Light them!
Here they are.

I would not, could not, in a car.

You may like them.
You will see.
You may light them in a tree!

I would not, could not in a tree.
Not in a car! You let me be.
I do not light them from that box.
I do not light them in my sox.
I do not light them in my house.
I do not light them for my spouse.
I do not light them here or there.
I do not light them anywhere.
I do not light candles of wax.
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you, on a train?

Not on a train! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! Flax! Let me be!
I would not, could not, from that box.
I could not, would not, in my sox.
I will not light them for my spouse.
I will not light them in my house.
I will not light them here or there.
I will not light them anywhere.
I do not light candles of wax.
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

Say!
In the dark? Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I would not, could not, in the dark.

Would you, could you, in the rain?

I would not, could not, in the rain.
Not in the dark. Not on a train.
Not in a car. Not in a tree.
I do not light them, Flax, you see.
Not in my house. Not from that box.
Not for my spouse. Not in my sox.
I will not light them here or there.
I do not light them anywhere!

You do not light candles of wax?

I do not light them, Rabbi Flax.

Could you, would you, with a goat?

I would not, could not, with a goat!

Would you, could you, on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not light them in the rain.
I will not light them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them from that box.
I do not light them in my sox.
I will not light them in my house.
I do not light them for my spouse.
I do not light them here or there.
I do not light them ANYWHERE!
I do not light candles of wax!
I do not like them, Rabbi Flax.

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Rabbi!
If you will let me be, I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I like candles of wax!
I do! I like them, Rabbi Flax!
And I would light them in a boat.
And I would light them with a goat...
And I will light them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And in a car. And in a tree.
They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will light them from that box.
Yet still not light them in my sox.
And I will light them in my house.
And I will light them for my spouse.
And I will light them here and there.
Say! I will light them ANYWHERE!

I do so like
candles of wax!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Rabbi Flax!

*v'hamevin yavin ;)

A Special Chanukah Video

If you have not yet done so, please read Stam's post below. It's a beautiful story.

Today we had the opportunity to attend Special Ed's very special engagement party. Besides Special Ed and his lucky girl (see, I can be nice, too!), we only knew one person there, C2. Elianna - after a second delay - quickly did her "symbol" and proceeded to have a grand old time parading around. A couple quick funnies from the party:

Ezzie: We actually only met (SpEd's fiancee, Ed2B) once, and we probably scared her.
C2: Yeah, she's way too normal for you guys.

Ed2B: Ed, come here! {snaps, smiling}
SpEd: [dutifully comes over]
Ezzie: (cracks up)

All in all, it was really nice, SpEd & Ed2B are great together, Elianna already seems to love her more than she loves Ed, and we had a great time. We then came home, stopping quickly to get some more Chanukah supplies before lighting. For Kayla, it was her first ever Chanukah, and she was fascinated by the lights. For Elianna, it was her first Chanukah where she really understood anything about what was going on, she had her very own menorah, and she got to "light" it! ("Only Daddy and Imma can touch fire, right?") And of course, good parents (and children) that we are... we videoed it, complete with a glimpse of the best menorah ever:

Happy Chanukah to all!!

A Small Taste of Home

My husband, M, lived in Israel for two years while attending Yeshiva. It's been about two years since he got back and he misses it more than ever. Every time we go to the mall we get a little taste of what he misses so much. Our local mall has 7 kiosks run by Israelis, most of them positioned near each other. The calls of "Shalom, achi!" and sales pitches flood us as we pass by. While I understand a lot of Ivrit, I am still pretty shy and most definitely not comfortable to converse b'Ivrit. M on the other hand can speak an almost flawless Ivrit. So we always stop to chat with them as we pass by, invite them for a Shabbos meal, and offer help with anything they might need.

One of the guys, R, actually called M up a few weeks ago to inquire about mezuzot for his new apartment. M collected a few and went over one night to help R hang the mezuzot.

A few weeks ago, M decided he wanted to do something for the Israelis to bring them a taste of home. They are all in America without their families and no Jewishness around them. Our original plan to bake sufganiot didn't work out as planned, but luckily a local business brought in a shipment from Beigel's in NY. We ordered tin chanukiot and colored chanukah candles from NY, photocopied the brachot, and wrote out cards out that said "Chanukah Sameach!" with our names and phone number.

We were expecting snow storms starting on Friday and lasting through the weekend, so Thursday night we packed up all the goodies and drove our reindeer to the mall. Our first stop was R, since he was familiar with us. He couldn't believe it. We stopped by each kiosk passing out the gifts. The last thing we pulled out at each stop were the sufganiot.

The Israeli kiosk neighbors pulled in closer to watch the show. The people in the stores nearby watched with interest. As we handed out the goodies the Israelis were shrieking with excitement. Chanukiya! Aizeh chamud!

They started singing Chanukah songs, the men shook M's hand and the girls hugged me. One group insisted on taking a picture with us. Many of them hadn't even thought about Chanukah. Almost every single Israeli said they had to call their parents to tell them they would be lighting a chanukiya this year. And almost every single Israeli asked us if we were Chabad.

M was friendly with one of the men that sold Dead Sea products ("Seacret"), Y. Every time M would pass the kiosk A would try to reel him in to buy something for his wife. M got away with it by saying I was very picky about smells, etc. In the middle of all the excitement last night, Y pulled M aside to ask which scent I liked better. M said he didn't know so A shoved a few tubes of lotion under my nose. He went into his whole sales pitch about supporting Israel by purchasing their products. We were laughing that even at a time like this Y could be so determined. We asked if he had read the NYT article on Israeli mall workers and he laughed. The next thing we knew, Y put a set of products into a bag and said "Happy Chanukah!". He threw in some manly mud soap for M too.

We distributed 15 chanukiot and about 2 dozen sufganiot, but the reactions were priceless. Everyone was so excited and happy to have that small taste of home, it felt nice to be the ones to cause that happiness. A few even promised to come for a Shabbat meal too.

Chanukah Sameach!

post script: After we left the mall some friends of ours went. Each kiosk stopped them to ask if they knew Stam & M. The couple decided we must go to the mall waaaay too often, until the found out what had happened earlier in the evening.

Best Lines From A Snow Shabbos

SJ to Elianna: Do you eat clothes?
Elianna to SJ: Nooo... I eat SJs!

Chana: I think people are pretty miserable most of the time.

Elianna (holding out her hands to SJ): Come here SJ baby squoosh!

This is GOOD :D

From all of us here at SerandEz, we'd like to wish a huge [no pun intended!] Mazel Tov to Special Ed on his engagement!! We love you Ed, and to his dear fiance, as Serach said: You will definitely be getting Olam Haba for this one.

For everyone else - she's a really nice girl, we met her and we think we scared her pretty bad, and to show her greatness... well, she said Yes to Ed!

All kidding aside, a hearty mazel tov, you guys are really great, and we'll see you really soon. :)

This is bad.

Whatever your position is on the Rubashkins, guilty or not, the fact that they are denying Shlomo Rubashkin bail because he is Jewish is a HUGE problem.

From the WSJ:

The Justice Department is contending that a Jewish defendant in Iowa should be denied bail in part because he, like all Jews, is entitled to Israeli citizenship if he seeks to immigrate to the Jewish state.

The argument against the defendant, Sholom Rubashkin, could in theory apply to all Jewish criminal suspects. Mr. Rubashkin faces multiple charges related to the alleged hiring of illegal immigrants at a kosher meatpacking plant he formerly headed in Postville, Iowa.

So no Jewish defendant is ever going to be able to be released on bail, because the Law of Return in Israel makes him or her too much of a flight risk? What happened to surrendering a passport? And the U.S. and Israel do have an extradition treaty in place.

This is worrisome.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 12/17: Humbling, Hilarious, and Horrible

Before the other links... that documentary series in Britian on SkyNews about Jews in the Manchester community mentioned earlier is truly riveting. I watched Episodes I and II earlier, and they were rather well done, mostly letting the people speak and describe in their view what they're doing. I is mostly about Kashrus and kind of sets a tone; II is about Shabbos, Pesach, niddah/sex, shidduchim, and more.

• Interesting article about a video on eating disorders in the Orthodox community.
• Imagine being told you've been accepted to graduate school... then finding out the acceptance letter was a mistake. Ouch.
  
• Wolf's posting good stuff as always, but check out the first comment on this post. It's freaking amazing.
• Sephardi Lady reprints a great comment from her blog.
  
• Scraps has the mark of an out-of-towner. I love it.
  

Enjoy!

Madoff, Regulations, & Jews

The Wall Street Journal today seems to be dedicated to discussing Bernie Madoff's $50 billion scheme, and a few pieces are particularly interesting and worth reading by readers here:

• To Catch A Thief details how regulation upon regulation missed Madoff (and the confidence in regulation let many investors assume they were safe), while the only ones who were wary were investors who did their own digging. We see over and over that it is not regulation which stops frauds but investors who don't rely on regulations to catch it.
• Madoff exploited the Jews discusses how he took advantage of trust within the community to avoid hard scrutiny. Sad but important to recognize.
• The Madoff Inheritance utilizes the play The Voysey Inheritance to note that the past year, from the housing mess to Madoff, teaches us a lesson:

  A big lesson of the past year is that we all should be talking more about money. One reason we don't talk about money is we are afraid of what we might learn. Mr. Madoff's contented investors are hardly different from the apparently uncountable number of people who put down 5% for a large mortgage without wondering, How does this work?

  I love this last line:

  "It's strange the number of people who believe you can do right by means which they know to be wrong."

Check them out.

Series on Orthodox Jewry in Britian (Video)

Hat tip: Raggedy Dad.

This is fascinating. It seems Sky News in Great Britain did a piece on the Manchester Jewish Community, trying to explain and show the lives of British Orthodox Jews to the public. Here's Episode I Part I; there should be links to the rest at the end of each video or on YouTube. I'm in the middle of the first part, and it's interesting to see how they're portraying it, mostly letting the Rabbonim talk and explain things clearly. I'm not sure about all of it, but a quick glance suggests they're mostly covering the more yeshivish community there... It is very nice to see that the members of the Manchester Beth Din are so willing to take part in the piece.

(Just to add... it seems a large portion of it is focused on Kosher but utilized to explain how life in general is viewed and practiced.)

Modern Orthodox Meshulachim...

...don't laugh, they may be coming to a community near you sooner than you think.

I know that my brain works in a funny way most of the time - but this may be pushing the envelope for taking things too far and twisting them even for me...NEVERTHELESS, we push on (yeah, I ditched that umbrella wielding, top-hat wearing nuisance of a cricket a looooooong time ago)

Okay, so we all have heard about the current economic downturn, the impact that it has already had on the jewish community at large and forecasts for what may be coming in the near future. Given this new reality my ever sarcastic and negatively spinning brain came up with the following scenario and attached question:

It is not beyond possible that institutions from within the Modern Orthodox world (schools, programs, whatever etc.) that to this point had been able to support themselves based solely on donations and standard forms of fund raising may no longer be able to do so. I don't think it would shock anybody if we assume that much of that money came from affluent businessmen/proffesionals or companies - people and entities that may no longer be able to give as much as they once did in the not too distant past. This could, in theory, lead said institutions to consider entry into a field that to this point (as far as I know and have seen) has been used only by the more yeshivish/charedi community...that of sending meshulachim out around the country to raise money.

Here comes the rub...do you think that the members of the yeshivish/chareidi community, who are always quick to say that everyone needs to support the mosdos that they are collecting for even if you may not associate yourself with them or use them or even support their ideals because after all it's a yiddishe tzeddakah and we are all yidden after all - these same people who do not hesitate to come collecting in the neighborhoods of people who they under normal circumstances would never WANT to interact with or deign to associate themselves with - will they sing the same tune and come across with THEIR hard earned (or otherwise obtained) money when it's the guy with the srugi or suade yarmulka sitting across the table trying to raise money for a school with Rambam in its name, a shul with Young Israel in its title, any institution that aligns itself with YU or any other of the various mosdos that fall with the Modern Orthodox community.

Will we all still be yidden then? Will they all be yiddishe tzeddakos then? Will everyone be responsible for helping another yid regardless of whether or not you agree with their stance then? - this is the type of stuff that rattles around inside my head at times like these...yeah, I know, I need help.

YU Letter About Madoff ($110 Million Lost)

The following is the letter President Richard Joel of YU sent out regarding the investments YU had with disgraced ex-Sy Syms School of Business chairman Bernard Madoff as placed there by YU trustee and investment chairman J. Ezra Menkin. The basic summary: 8% of the YU endowment was with Ascot Partners (Menkin), which invested that all with Madoff. The net loss from that is $110 million, which added to previous losses amounts this year comes out as a 28% loss this year, from $1.7 billion to $1.2 billion. YU has hired a law firm to help investigate and set a higher standard of conflict policies and procedures and governance structures.

Full letter on expand.

Dear Yeshiva University Community,

I would like to speak with you, members of the Yeshiva University Community, about recent events in the news. As a result of the last week's revelations regarding Bernard Madoff, much concern and speculation has arisen regarding Yeshiva University. I write to you to make our situation clear.

Before going further let me reassure you:

• 1. The University is financially strong.
• 2. Be assured that our levels of scholarships and financial aid will not diminish.
• 3. Yeshiva University staff pensions are not impacted by this revelation.
• 4. Our leadership, faculty and students are engaged and advancing.
• 5. We will learn all appropriate lessons from this experience.
• 6. We have been engaged over the last two months in reviewing our budgets to seek ways to cut our operating costs due to global economic realities. We will continue to do so and remain committed to advancing our crucial mission of providing an education that ennobles and enables our students

Bernard Madoff is no longer associated with our institution in any way. The University had no investments directly with Madoff. Last Thursday night, we were informed by Ascot Partners, a vehicle in which we had invested a small part of our endowment funds for 15 years, that substantially all its assets are invested with Madoff. The Ascot fund was managed by J. Ezra Merkin who has served as a University trustee and chairman of the investment committee. Mr. Merkin has resigned from all University positions.

In the most recent statement from Ascot, Yeshiva's investment was valued at about $110 million, which represents about 8% of our endowment. While these facts are disappointing, we need to remain focused on the larger picture. We are but one of many institutions and individuals that have been impacted.

Let me be clear regarding our financial position: the University's endowment, taking into account the Ascot loss, is currently estimated to be approximately $1.2 billion, down from approximately $1.7 billion on January 1, 2008. That loss of 28%, calendar year-to-date, compares with an S&P loss of 38% and Dow Jones loss of 32%. While certainly this represents a painful decline, we are in the same or better position as many universities. Although this decreased endowment must factor into our long term fiscal plans, it will have minimal impact on day-to-day operations. Total income from endowment last year represented 13% of the University's operating income. Much more critical to our future health is the continued level of financial support from the YU family, philanthropists, and friends. So, while we are in a healthy and strong position to move forward, we must use the moment to address all concerns that this situation has illuminated.

In light of recent developments, we have decided to examine our existing conflicts policies and procedures, and governance structures. To assist us in this process, we have engaged Sullivan & Cromwell and Cambridge Associates, internationally renowned and respected institutions with recognized expertise in corporate and institutional governance, to ensure that our policies, procedures and structure reflect not only best practices, but the gold standard -- the standard to which we aspire for all our endeavors. We will be working closely with our advisors over the coming weeks and months and I'm confident that we'll emerge stronger than ever.

I must add a more personal thought. We all should use these times to reflect on our blessings but also to reflect on our responsibilities. We should constantly be communally introspective and focus on advancing our ideals. The times are appropriate for us to focus on our core values, to practice and refine them and to share them with the world. We can and should always advance. Yeshiva University is committed to engaging in that conversation with other people of good will. I thank you for your interest, commitment and support.

Sincerely,

Richard M. Joel

President, Yeshiva University

Molestation Targets

R' Horowitz sent the following information to me, in light of recent news and posts:

Which age group is most often targeted by child molesters?

In the interviews I conducted, the majority of molesters cited a preference for children on the brink of puberty. This is the age of sexual awakening, making it easy for molesters to prey on the sexual curiosity and ignorance of youngsters. To quote one of the predators I interviewed, "Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you've given me my next victim."

While we as parents are inclined to give pre-teen children more freedom and less supervision, this age group is actually the most vulnerable to abuse and abduction. We must talk frankly and often to our children about "the birds and the bees" and not allow child molesters to educate our children for us.

How To Reach R' Horowitz

R' Yaakov Horowitz, director of Project YES and Darchei Noam, oft-mentioned on this blog, has decided to set aside specific hours to make it easier for people to reach him (in addition to whatever normal ways there are to leave messages for him at any time). He also asks anyone to give whatever suggestions they have to make it easier, while already asking that people try to follow some guidelines to make it more streamlined. Please read the whole post. Excerpt:

In order to allow you to contact me directly, I am designating an hour each evening to taking calls such as yours – from 10-11 p.m. EST Sunday-Thursday (and for our readers in Eretz Yisroel and Europe, from 6:45-7:30 am Tuesdays and Fridays) on a dedicated cell phone – 845-825-6600. I will be the only one answering that phone and everything you discuss with me will, of course, be treated in the strictest confidence. This phone does not accept voice mail messages and there is no call waiting so we can speak without the interruption of the ‘beeping’ sound that generates. (I will do my best to keep the phone on one hour before and one hour after Shabbos EST. Please only call then if it is urgent.) ...

As I note in that column; I find it most helpful when I know from the get-go what it is that you wish me to help you with. So, I ask that you begin our conversation by informing me that you have read the Answers about Questions column and what your question is. Something like, “I need some advice on deciding whether or not to send our son to Eretz Yisroel,” is perfect.

He also discusses advice about schooling and who to contact for that and more. Again, please read this and pass it along.

Gedolim Or Bust...

...an interesting interview with Rabbi Yaakov Haber of Congregation Bais Torah in Monsey, NY and Torah Lab about the state of jewish education today, how we got here and were he thinks we need to go:

H: So it’s we, the parents and teachers, who are responsible for “kids at risk”?

RH: I don’t think the issue is “kids at risk.” That expression is used because it makes us feel good. It implies that it’s the kids’ fault, that something is wrong with them. The underlying assumption is that the system is okay, just something went wrong with this or that kid who “fell through the cracks.” Really, the opposite is true. They are being pushed through, not cracks, but gaping ditches and huge holes. We have to decide if we’re willing to lose them.

H: You make it sound as if we were making a conscious decision of some kind to send them away…

RH: That’s right. They are lost by design. Our educational system is elitist. It caters to the brightest students. Most teachers do not pay much attention to the average and below-average students. Those who do not excel academically are offered no option. Everything is stigmatized. To tell a kid to get vocational training is tantamount to calling him mentally retarded. Or in Israel to serve in the army, is like telling him he’s a failure. The kids understand this and feel rejected. They say to themselves, “I don’t see myself in this system, so I’ll find my own way.” They find their way on the streetcorners of Har Nof and Ben Yehuda.

H: How did this elitism come about?

RH: There was a decision made after the Holocaust that Yiddishkeit in the U.S. and Israel has to be rebuilt. And that meant producing gedolim, the next Rabbi Akiva Eiger, the next Brisker Rav. And I’ve heard it said that it was understood, perhaps even stated at the time, that since not everybody is going to be a gadol b’Torah, “we are going to have to lose a few.”

What took place over the next forty years was the rise of an elitist system. When I was growing up and went to school, the teachers would speak to the average student, trying to involve and reach everyone in the class. But in an educational system geared to the elite, the teacher cares primarily about the geniuses, certainly not the slower students.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 12/16

UPDATED

• R' Enkin at Hirhurim discusses whether one should make the blessings when lighting for a public Chanukah menorah lighting. I found it especially interesting after watching the White House Chanukah event, where you should listen closely to Ben-Gurion's grandson making the bracha. President Bush spoke very nicely, and I think that it's interesting to see him making comments about Truman which would in theory somewhat apply to him sometime in the future as well. Kol Zimra sang after the grandsons of Truman and Ben-Gurion lit the menorah.
  (Thanks Greg for this video link.)
• Jewlicious totals the losses to Jewish organizations from Madoff at at least $600 million, with possibly as much as $1.5 billion.
• JoshWaxman linked to this interesting piece about getting images directly from people's brains. Could be cool if true... also could be scary.
• Cool photo on SoccerDad.
• Forgot this one I saw yesterday which is excellent: Bas~Melech has some really specific points and suggestions regarding the education system that seem quite wise to me.
  

God Hates Clevelanders (Somewhat)

The world is a cruel, cruel place. Especially if you're from Cleveland.

Some people think that God's cruelty is felt by the homeless; the poor; the horribly injured. This is certainly true, to an extent... but it seems that in a way, far worse cruelties are felt by those who, like Charlie Brown, constantly have that football whisked away right as they're about to kick it. "This time will be different!", they cry. But this time is no different... This time is just as bad as every other time until now has been.

And now on to the serious part of this post: Cleveland sports fans' luck (also known as nonexistent). Earlier in the year, in the NFL spread pool I've run for over a decade, a friend from Cleveland who is in the pool noted that he had placed within 3 points of the weekly leader five times. He had won a total of $5, tying for second place once. He is currently third overall in the pool... a spot that would win a total of $30, not the $300 or $100 that the first two spots win. Even there, he is barely clinging to the spot.

Meanwhile, I have won the pool twice this season. Of course, two deadbeats decided not to pay (yet continue to put picks in each week) - so as the manager, I'm only covering those losses. One of those wins of mine was last week - I went back to how I used to pick, going a bit higher on close-but-I-know-they'll-still-win games and lower on the others. I did the same this week, and early on, it looked like I had the week locked up and by a large margin, so long as some crazy things didn't happen.

But they did. St. Louis blew a huge lead and lost in OT to Seattle. Kansas City blew a 21-3 lead and went down 22-21, then still had a chance to pull it out, but missed a game-winning FG. The Bills had the lead and the ball, the Jets couldn't stop the run, so... the Bills tried to throw, fumbled, and it was run back for a TD. Then they threw an interception. Tennessee was down 1 with two minutes left, and rather than taking a field goal to take the lead, inexplicably went for it on fourth down and missed, never getting the ball back. Washington fumbled on the 2-inch line when they were down a TD against Cincinatti. And perhaps worst of all, as a Clevelander, the Pittsburgh Steelers had a call very questionably overturned, winning them not only the game but the division. Had almost any two of these games had different outcomes, I'd be in far better shape.

To top it off, I'm also in my old office's pool. The Ravens-Steelers overturned call not only hurt me in my own pool, it cost me a clear-cut win in the office pool. But wait! I could still win! All I needed was the Browns-Eagles game to be low-scoring, as the tiebreaker is total points on Monday Night Football. I had 27 (just to be on the low end), while the person who I was tied with had 44. With 10 minutes remaining, and the Eagles up 30-3, they stopped the Browns and put in backup quarterback Kevin Kolb to finish up the game. They weren't trying to score, just trying to run out the clock. They could hand it off every play.

But noooo... they passed... and it was intercepted.. and run back for a touchdown... to make it 30-10. Not only had I lost the tiebreaker, but I had lost it on a BROWNS' touchdown - a low probability, pointless, defensive touchdown by my own favorite team.

I still have saved on my phone a message, left for me on the day the Indians were eliminated from a shot at a division title thanks to a fly ball lost in the sun, by a good friend of mine (and G's). Howie, who is a complete pessimist about all Cleveland teams, said simply: "Hi - you don't need to call me back. I just called to say I told you so."

The world is a cruel, cruel place. Especially if you're from Cleveland.

Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice

A friend sent me this poem by Ogden Nash, and I enjoyed immensely. Feel free to say what you think!

There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,
Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.
I don't mean the kind of apologies people make when they run over you or borrow five dollars or step on your feet,
Because I think that is sort of sweet;
No, I object to one kind of apology alone,
Which is when people spend their time and yours apologizing for everything they own.
You go to their house for a meal,
And they apologize because the anchovies aren't caviar or the partridge is veal;
They apologize privately for the crudeness of the other guests,
And they apologize publicly for their wife's housekeeping or their husband's jests;
If they give you a book by Dickens they apologize because it isn't by Scott,
And if they take you to the theater, they apologize for the acting and the dialogue and the plot;
They contain more milk of human kindness than the most capacious diary can,
But if you are from out of town they apologize for everything local and if you are a foreigner they apologize for everything American.
I dread these apologizers even as I am depicting them,
I shudder as I think of the hours that must be spend in contradicting them,
Because you are very rude if you let them emerge from an argument victorious,
And when they say something of theirs is awful, it is your duty to convince them politely that it is magnificent and glorious,
And what particularly bores me with them,
Is that half the time you have to politely contradict them when you rudely agree with them,
So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf,
Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves.

Madoff's Victims

The impact of Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme on the Jewish community is going to be huge. Collecting from a bunch of different sources... (Bloomberg's link has some of the numbers for the hedge funds who were invested with Madoff - insane.) And the New York Times has a piece from Palm Beach which is just sad.

• Two charities have shut their doors:

  The Robert I. Lappin Foundation in Salem, Mass., announced Dec. 12 that it would close after losing $8 million -- all of its money -- through investments with Madoff. And the Chais Family Foundation, which gives out some $12.5 million each year to Jewish causes in Israel, the former Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, announced Dec. 14 that it had closed after losing all of its money through investments with Madoff.

• Yeshiva University has lost "tens of millions, if not more", which it had invested with Madoff - who was the Chairman at Sy Syms School of Business. Rumor has it that it's around $150 million, on top of the $400 million they'd announced they'd lost recently due to the market.
• Lots of individual Jews around the country were invested with him:

  The investor was close to a number of prominent Jewish donors, both on Wall Street and elsewhere. The Wall Street Journal reported that members of the Boca Rio Golf Club in Boca Raton and the Palm Beach Country Club in Palm Beach were heavily invested with Madoff's firm. Both clubs are heavily Jewish.

• During golf-course and cocktail-party banter, Mr. Madoff's name frequently surfaced as a money manager who could consistently deliver high returns. Older, Jewish investors called Mr. Madoff " 'the Jewish bond,' " says Ken Phillips, head of a Boulder, Colo., investment firm. "It paid 8% to 12%, every year, no matter what."

• Merkin, who last week told investors in his hedge fund, Ascot Partners, that all of their money had been defrauded by Madoff, is of particular interest to the Jewish community. He has philanthropic ties to a number of Jewish organizations and institutions, serving as an investment adviser for many of them, including Y.U. Among other causes that he is said to be connected to are the SAR Academy -- a Jewish day school in the Bronx -- as well as State of Israel Bonds, The Jewish Campus Life Fund, Elaine Kaufman Cultural Center, The Ramaz School, Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun and the Fifth Avenue Synagogue.

• North Shore - LIJ Health System lost $5 million.

• There is no evidence that either Mr. Shapiro, who is 95 and joined the club in 1974, or his son-in-law, Mr. Jaffe, who is 64 and joined in 1992, knew of the fraud. Both men, who give millions every year to countless charities, are also said to have been duped of hundreds of millions of their own money, according to friends of their families.

Oy.

Light Up The World

No, no, nothing too deep. That just happens to be the title of PsychoToddler's latest CD, out in time for Chanukah - check it out and buy one!

Fire at Nageela, donations needed

Last Thursday, the Suri Schwartz Experience Center located in Fallsburg, NY, suffered a devastating fire. The Center is owned by JEP of Long Island and houses Camp Nageela during the summer. During the winter months, it is either rented out to other Orthodox groups for weekend retreats or is used for JEP's own kiruv Shabbatons. An electrical fire in the building destroyed the dining room and part of the kitchen. Thank God, no guests were on the site at the time of the fire and all the workers made it out unharmed. The damage, however, is extraordinary, and the cost to repair it is well beyond the means of JEP's tiny budget.

JEP is a non-profit organization which provides educational and recreational activities for irreligious Jewish children and families. Their programs include Shabbatons, family weekend retreats, Yom Tov (holiday) programs and Hebrew schools throughout Long Island, NYC, and New Jersey. Camp Nageela boasts more than 100 campers during both girls half and boys half of the summer who come from as far away as Florida, Texas, and even Alaska . I have personally volunteered for JEP for over 6 years and have witnessed the countless people affected by their warmth and enthusiasm toward Judaism. Children who never heard of a Sukkah are now making posters at their weekly Hebrew school parties. Families who have never experienced Shabbos now enjoy inspirational lectures over weekend retreats while their children listen to stories of the Parsha and play games with the counselors they all love. I have former campers who are now learning in Orthodox high schools and even in seminaries in Israel, and I can name many families who have become observant through the influence of JEP. The success stories abound.

Anyone who is able to send a donation will surely be appreciated. The Gemara says that anyone who helps save a Jewish soul is likened to saving an entire world. May Hashem help JEP to get through this challenge and continue to touch Jewish lives around the world.


JEP's website: www.jepli.org

More pictures of the fire: http://www.matziv.com/pictures/campnageelafire/1/med/Camp_Nageela_Fire_1.htm

Oh My Goodness ($50 Billion)

UPDATE: Madoff is also the chairman at YU's Sy Syms School of Business. I'd assume that will now be a was.

That's what Elianna would say if she understood securities fraud and Ponzi schemes... this could impact the Jewish community in a very big, bad way:

Bernard L. Madoff, a former chairman of the Nasdaq Stock Market and a force in Wall Street trading for nearly 50 years, was arrested by federal agents Thursday, a day after his sons turned him in for running what they said their father called "a giant Ponzi scheme."

The Securities and Exchange Commission, in a civil complaint, said it was an ongoing $50 billion swindle, and asked a judge to seize the firm and its assets. "Our complaint alleges a stunning fraud that appears to be of epic proportions," said Andrew M. Calamari, associate director of enforcement in the SEC's New York office.

Bernie Madoff was not only viewed as a very respected, trusted guy on Wall Street, but almost everybody was invested with him. CNBC has a good clip on this article explaining what happened and what Madoff is about. More importantly for the Jewish community, a very large number of Jewish people were invested with him. He was viewed as a guy who got steady positive returns, as the firm would announce profits of about 11% consistently each year for fifteen years, and that enticed large numbers of fund of funds (hedge funds which invest in other hedge funds) and high-net-worth individuals to invest with him.

Madoff apparently realized that it was going down recently, as large numbers of people withdrew funds due to the market, and called in his sons. They called the FBI, who came in. DealBreaker has an excerpt from the FBI memo about it, which is kind of sad... at least Madoff was honest about his dishonesty and expects to go to jail. CNBC and a commenter on DB both note that the supposed auditor was a small office in Monsey/Rockland County.

Just as an idea of how much of an effect we're talking about... a commenter noted that a family he knows had $50 million with Madoff. Families in New York and Florida had millions. The Mets' owner is rumored to have had a billion dollars with him. DB (which can be VERY sarcastic) lists the "victims", ending with JEWS. And the Post started its piece with "Suicide hotlines in Greenwich, Conn., could be lit up today as investors in the posh suburb begin to realize how much they've lost in the rip-off scheme perpetrated by Wall Street legend Bernard Madoff."

This is going from bad to OMG... really, really fast.

Abuse Progress?

Another abuse case in Brooklyn, this time in broad daylight, is at least making things happen, though with troubling side aspects. A young Chassidic girl was molested by a Chassidic man after he got her into his house by asking for help with something, in the middle of the day, in Borough Park.

According to State Assemblyman Dov Hikind, who has championed the cause of abuse victims in recent months, the family first reported the incident to his office. They then contacted four community rabbonim to ask whether they were halachically permitted to report the perpetrator to the authorities. Three rabbonim allegedly said they didn't want to get involved. The fourth, in contrast, permitted them, and apparently strongly urged them to proceed.

Wolf discusses the rabbonim who allegedly said they didn't want to get involved, wondering how they could do such a thing. After the fourth Rav's proper guidance, the family contacted the police and the man was arrested and charged by the Kings County DA, Charles Hynes. In an interview, Hynes argues that he's finding the Orthodox community is cooperating, which seems odd in light of this case, where it took four Rabbonim before one said to go to the police. Perhaps he means they don't actively hide things once the police are involved - which is all fine and well - but there seems to be much room for progress within the Orthodox Jewish community. R' Horowitz has a great piece in this week's Jewish Press on why he writes about abuse; please read the whole thing. In addition, the following news clips (hit expand) from WPIX are interesting if only because of some of the reasons people don't report abuse, such as a girl who was molested by her father for years who simply didn't know any better.

Values

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."
~ Maimonodies (Rambam)

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
~ C. S. Lewis

On a slightly different note, these two videos were fantastic. The first is Evelyn Glennie on How to listen to music with your body, which is obviously about a lot more than that; not only is she a fascinating speaker and a great percussionist, she's deaf, which likely has helped her be able to understand and explain the ideas so well. The second is Keith Barry, and is just cool.

"Cancel My Pedicure?!?!...

...YOU ANIMAL!!!"

A friend e-mailed me this with the message, " I tried very hard to feel bad for Simcha's wife, but..." proving once again that he is a much better person than I. He tried to feel bad...I tried not to laugh my head off.

From the 5 Towns Jewish Times:
"Dear Esther, I know that things are pretty bad out there in today’s economy, but somehow I never really thought it would affect me personally. Silly me.

I’ve been married for 13 years and am in my thirties. My husband, “Simcha,” has always been a self-made man. He’s always been a macher, doing this and that. Some of what he did I understood and, honestly, some of what he did I never really understood. All I knew was that he earned a very good living and we lived a very lavish lifestyle.

I didn’t grow up with very much. My father had a menial job in a store and my mother always babysat to bring in extra cash. My siblings and I worked from an early age in order to buy for ourselves all the things that we wanted, like nice clothing and even some basic things. When I married Simcha, who is six years older than I am, my life changed completely. I didn’t have to work anymore, and I could just go out and buy whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Simcha is a generous man and never questioned my lavish spending. We moved into this neighborhood, started befriending other young, successful couples, and lived a fairytale life. At least I now know that it was fairytale. At the time, although I was very grateful for everything that we had and did, I think on some level I took it for granted that life would always continue the way it was.

Recently, Simcha has informed me that our spending is now under “lockdown.” He has told me that any purchase over $50 must be very carefully considered and made only if absolutely necessary. He wants me to cancel my personal trainer, my weekly manicure/pedicure appointments, my monthly salon appointments, and my yoga lessons; he wants me to cut down the household help to one day a week; there is to be no more lunching with the girls…and the list goes on. Also, I am to cancel some of our children’s after-school activities, and there is a serious ban on all new toys and perks for them. I know that it wasn’t easy for him to tell me all of this, and that he held off telling me how bad things were until absolutely necessary.

I’m having a really hard time with these new rules. It’s like my whole life has turned upside down, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I realize that without my lunch dates, shopping, and self-maintenance, I have all this free time on my hands, and I’m feeling bored and resentful. Though I know I can’t really be angry at Simcha, since I suppose it’s not really his fault, I am resentful. It seems like many of my friends are still able to shop and travel and continue life as before. One or two have mentioned that things are feeling tighter for them, but I get the feeling that I’m in the worst shape financially of all of them.

I guess I’m wondering why Simcha didn’t see this coming and protect us better. I’m wondering why my friends’ husbands seem to have been smarter in this way. I’m also worried that our friends will drop us like hot potatoes once they realize that we can’t keep up with them anymore. No more Thursday-night dinners in the city; no more vacations together; no more lavish gift-giving. I’m not even sure where we fit in anymore.

So, bottom line: I’m scared. I find myself snapping at my husband. I’m worried about where we’ll be in a few months from now, how I’ll cope, and how our children will cope. Really, I’m worried if I—and our marriage—will be able to survive our new status.

-Feeling Poor


Dear Feeling Poor, whether or not this is helpful for you to hear, you are not alone. You and your family are among many families now finding themselves in new and uncharted territory.

The past decade or so has provided many families with opportunities to soar to levels of wealth previously rarely seen. Savvy businessmen seized the moment and amassed unheard-of wealth. Being unfamiliar with economic slowdowns, recessions, or, G-d forbid, depressions, many young whippersnappers spent their money like there was no tomorrow. Sound familiar? The good times were rolling and it seemed as though they would last forever.

But few things, if any, last forever.

As you mentioned, there will always be those individuals with enough forethought, versatility, or good old mazal who manage to sail through even the roughest of times without a hitch. But many people are hurting, and some are hurting very badly—probably much worse than you.

This is an important time for you to take stock of who you are and what your life is about. We know it’s very easy to become accustomed to a bountiful lifestyle after having climbed the economic ladder. That doesn’t take much talent or character. However, a person’s true constitution really emerges when one is forced to take steps backward and say goodbye to the luxuries in one’s life. The question becomes, what are you really made of?

You are faced with a tremendous challenge—many challenges, in fact. Let’s look at some of them so that you can take stock and become the person that you were probably meant to become.

First, there is the issue of how you are going to relate to your husband. It sounds to me as though when he had what to give, he gave fully and with an open hand. You must never forget that. If he is telling you to rein in the spending, it’s not because he has suddenly become cheap, but rather because he is being responsible and trying to protect his family from financial devastation. You need to respect him for that and not hold him in contempt for the state of the world. Maybe he could have been more conservative during the days of wine and roses, but what about you? Couldn’t you also have been much more conservative and not jumped right into the world of the rich and famous? You luxuriated together, and now it is time for you to tighten your belts together, working as a cohesive team.

In fact, I would imagine Simcha could use your love and support now more than ever, rather than hearing you complain. Think what he must be going through. It doesn’t sound like you know too many details about his occupation, and I’m sure he is shielding you from many of the gory facts. But his stress level must be sky-high, and this is the time when you need to be there for him.

Secondly, I believe you should start thinking about creating a new lifestyle for yourself. You sound bored and unsure about what to do with your day. Have you considered working? Not only for the practical reasons, but also to do something that can be fulfilling for you. You may find a career that satisfies you in a way that shopping never did and then you will wonder why you ever spent so much time shopping in the first place. Ask yourself whether the shopping was filling a void that should have been acknowledged and dealt with in a more meaningful way in the first place.

You mentioned your concern about friends dropping you and your husband because you’re no longer available to “play” with them. This might be a fine time to ask yourself what the nature of these relationships were all about, anyway. If someone no longer has any use for you because you’re not available for fun and games, this may be just the wake-up call you need to help you understand what a real relationship is about. Though there is nothing wrong with going out for a dinner, a true friendship goes much deeper. It’s about heart and soul, not about the clothes on your back or the latest cruise.

Finally, you seem concerned about your children. This turn of events may actually be the greatest blessing of all. Children who are pampered and privileged (the way so many of our local children are) tend to grow up spoiled, selfish, and with a sense of entitlement that can lead to serious problems. They don’t need designer clothes, daily after-school activities, vacations, and luxurious affairs. Most of us didn’t have any of those things growing up, and, as a result, we learned how to make do and eventually to go out and work for what we wanted. We are none the worse for those experiences and, in fact, are better prepared to cope. You had those coping skills growing up, and you now need to conduct an internal search to once again tap into those strengths that I know you still have.

As you mentioned, Simcha is a “macher.” I have no doubt that his ship will come in again someday. In the meantime, use this lean period to prove to yourself, to Simcha, and to your children that life is about overcoming challenges with dignity and grace. It’s about always remembering what really matters and the importance of loyalty and love. Challenges can and should help us grow as individuals and increase our level of compassion toward others. Look around. There are many people who are in much more serious trouble than you. Perhaps you can use some of your time to reach out a hand and help them. That’s a quick fix that is sure to take your mind off your own fears and give you a greater sense of reality.

These are not easy times. Will you look back on them someday and feel as though you got through them with integrity, learned many valuable lessons in the interim, and were an inspiration for others? That is up to you. v

-Esther"

Yonah Goldman, a'h

A couple of days ago was the yahrtzeit for my friend, Yonah Goldman. There's little I can write that would add to all that has been written about him in the past; one can peruse the many links all over, many of which can be found in links throughout these posts, that will tell you some of the wonderful stories about Yonah's kindness. Instead, I'm going to post this video which was played at his shloshim and is available on the website dedicated to his memory. I think it shows well some of what Yonah felt and how he lived his life... always with that smile on his face. For those who are in Kew Gardens Hills, our friend AviF is sponsoring kiddush this Shabbos at Kehillas Ishei Yisroel in memory of Yonah.

You don't need to have known Yonah to appreciate the video, especially the interview with him in the middle, done by the Jewish Agency during our first year in Israel at OJ; and the film he made with his wife which appears at the end, which was a montage of some of the beautiful places throughout the land of Israel.

We miss you, Yonah.

Quote of the Day

via Bad4:

“If I were again beginning my studies, I would follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics.” ~ Galileo

Educating Donation Free?

As noted here, on Orthonomics, and on Baltimore Jewish yesterday, one of the major problems that is and will continue to face the Jewish community is that the schools rely too heavily on donations to stay afloat. The obvious suggestion everyone has made is to decrease this reliance and make schools less vulnerable to market downturns which impact donations. The real question, however, is if this is actually possible.

It seems we don't really know. Yes, many schools have much wasteful spending and are poor at budgeting, and that must be fixed first. Tuition standards need to be established and kept to. Much can and must be done to make it as economically viable as possible... but once that is all done, if there still is an inability to cover costs, what can be done?

The real question is: Is it truly economically viable - in any Orthodox community - to support and maintain a school within its own budget? Does anyone know of a school whose revenues outside of donations exceed its expenses? If so, let's see it! If not... what must the approach be? Store away the donations in good years to make up the gap in other years, like the Yosef/Pharaoh analogy a commenter said yesterday? Is that realistic? What changes are possible within the frum community to make it possible to keep a school afloat on its own?

Elianna, Boss Lady

Scene: Elianna is on her "booster" seat, eating cheese and Cheerios; I'm eating leftover Dougie's 'All You Can Eat' poppers; and Kayla is in her high chair, head barely peeking out over the tray, sucking on a half-Cheerio. I get a text message from Serach, and was in the process of responding when Elianna decided that I should be paying attention to her instead:

Elianna: Daddy... Daddy!
Me: Yes, Elianna?
Elianna: Daddy - look up!
Me: {looks at Elianna}
Elianna: Talk to me, Daddy... How are you doing today?

YU Chanukah Concert

Check out this year's YU Chanukah Concert

featuring

Yeshiva Boys Choir, Kuntsler, Gabay & Menucha

Tickets at Jewisheventtickets.com

Support Yourself

Josh sent me this quote yesterday (from a Chofetz Chaim Chevra mailing list), but the person who quoted it wasn't sure who said it, thinking it was perhaps the Radak. Fortuitously, however, LoZ and Gil have posted it today and it's certainly interesting to note. It is a line from the Sforno explaining why Yaakov determined to work for Rachel for seven years:

Commenting on אעבדך שבע שנים ברחל (Gen. 29:18): אין ספק שלא היה הצדיק נושא אשה ומעמיד בנים אם לא היה בידו לפרנסם בפרט בשאר וכסות

[Gil:] Let me translate into English: There is no doubt that this righteous man (Ya'akov) would not marry and have children if he did not have a way to support them, particularly with food and clothes.

I'd agree with Gil that having a reasonable plan is probably enough, though it seems Yaakov didn't necessarily agree; otherwise he could have married her first and then worked for Lavan (unless Lavan would not have agreed to such a deal, which is certainly possible).

Update: I should add that it's particularly worthwhile to note this when one considers the trouble at Beis Faiga (and other schools). Greg notes on Baltimore Jewish that it seems Beis Faiga was more prone to taking (exclusively?) students from families where the father learned rather than worked. [If someone can verify this it would be appreciated.] Certainly it is likely that many families were in such situations. If the school could not pay teachers because they had trouble raising and collecting tuition, that means the problems are directly stemming from clear issues with how the community works.

I was speaking to a Mashgiach earlier this week and was pleasantly surprised to see not only his sharp understanding of the financial mess, but what he had to say about schools. Noting a school that was heavily reliant on donations that is now facing massive cuts if not closure, he said that the school should have - while times were good - learned how to make themselves financially viable from within and not reliant on external revenue sources. The same applies to the entire Jewish community, whether on the individual, familial, or communal level. The more each person takes responsibility to doing so the more 'cushion' we create to help those who truly need it when problems arise, and to support those projects which we deem worthwhile to use our extra money on.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 12/9

Apparently, I am the least sickly member of this family at the moment. Fun fun. Elianna is a rather intelligent sick kid, making sure she's well enough to play but aw shucks sick when she wants help. I'm quite proud of her ability to manipulate, even if I don't let her; she keeps learning at a fast rate better tactics and approaches to things. She's a smart kid, thank God.

Lots of interesting stuff out there today:

• Jameel has the results of the Likud primaries and gives his take, while Treppenwitz has a great piece on how this is an opportunity to take a different approach to things.
• Orthonomics discusses the temporary closing of Bais Faiga in Lakewood because teachers were fed up with not being paid. This will certainly be interesting, and hopefully will help lead to changes in how many institutions are run.
  
• ND sent this to me last week, and I wish I could see the whole book, just for hilarity's sake; it shows how children are so often so much wiser than adults. A 9-year old boy had written a pamphlet on dating and girls for his school book fair, and now it's hitting shelves as a book: How To Talk To Girls.
• SD (on Yourish) takes apart Bush's speech on how he thinks he did in the Middle East. It's an interesting speech and critique.
• Two really great pieces in the WSJ, one by Charles Schwab on the uptick rule, and another by Harvey Golub (who knows that name?! Hint: Three initials) on restoring confidence, which quickly explains the whole financial mess to begin with.
• DealBreaker points to Chrysler's new homepage. Wow.
• ADDeRabbi previews the Koren siddur (meant to challenge ArtScroll) for Tradition Seforim blog.
• Ari Enkin writes at Hirhurim about Beautiful Women again.

Check them out...

The Kosher Quandary: YU Event on Tuesday, Dec. 9!

The event will be LIVE-STREAMED here. (7 PM on December 9)

RABBIS OF ALL MAJOR ORTHODOX ORGANIZATIONS TO ADDRESS THE "KOSHER QUANDARY: ETHICS AND KASHRUT" IN LIGHT OF AGRIPROCESSORS SCANDAL TUESDAY, DEC. 9 AT YESHIVA UNIVERSITY

In light of the ongoing Agriprocessors scandal that has rocked the kosher meat industry and the Orthodox community, Rabbi Avi Shafran, director of public affairs for Agudath Israel of America, Rabbi Menachem Genack, rabbinic administrator and CEO of the Orthodox Union's Kashrut Division and rosh yeshiva at Yeshiva University's Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, Rabbi Basil Herring, executive vice president of the Rabbinical Council of America, and Shmuly Yanklowitz, co-founder and director of Uri L'Tzedek, will engage in a candid conversation on the interplay between ethics and kashrut at a program on Tuesday, December 9, at 7 p.m. in Weissberg Commons on Yeshiva University's main campus, 2495 Amsterdam Ave. at 184th St., New York.

The program – "The Kosher Quandary: Ethics and Kashrut" – serves as the launch event for the new student-run organization at YU called TEIQU, A Torah Exploration of Ideas, Questions, and Understanding. The organization is devoted to nurturing intellectual dialogue on campus surrounding Jewish matters of import.

The panelists will explain their views and insights on the kosher quandary, address recent developments and share their prescriptions for action.

Who: Rabbis of All Major Orthodox Organizations
What: "The Kosher Quandary: Ethics and Kashrut
When: Tuesday, December 9, 2008; 7 p.m.
Where: Weissberg Commons, Yeshiva University
2495 Amsterdam Ave. at 184th St.

Blood Diamonds

Many of you may have heard of the movie entitled "Blood Diamonds," but the question remains: what exactly are those diamonds? Are they diamonds that retain a bloodred color, or have they been streaked in blood due to shootouts? Luckily for you, information about blood diamonds is now available at:

Peace Diamonds

Check it out! Thanks.

Ezzie's Blog Roundup, 12/8

It should be an interesting week... car is in the shop getting fixed, Elianna is home with bronchitis, it's freezing today but should be 59 by Wednesday and back to snow on Friday (according to our superintendent, who just fixed our heaters), which sounds suspiciously like Cleveland, and a Carolina victory tonight will give me another win in my pool.

A few interesting reads for a cold Monday morning:

• Scraps has a really good post on the advantages of going to a small shul.
• Meryl notes the findings by the World Health Organization that Israeli kids are more stressed, then blasts their reasoning for why.
• RafiG writes that R' Elyashiv and others have allowed people to take part in the new Israeli-government sponsored census, noting its usefulness. He also notes that the article (para. 5, in Hebrew) has an interesting paragraph that it was on the condition that the statistics not be reported to places such as the tax authority. That seems strange to him, and to myself...
• It's an odd day when both R' Gil and BeyondBT have posts about Facebook. Gil also discusses his blog's policy on heretical discussion, which is pretty much a good guide in how to approach discussion about Judaism and the community in general, in my opinion.
  

Check it out.

The Perfect Smile

It's often hard to see ourselves objectively. We're always criticizing, we're always caring about every little flaw. It's easy to get caught up in that downward spiral of critique after critique after critique. It's good to sometimes take a step back, chill out a little, and smile, because we're alive in a beautiful world full of opportunities and potential. And we are full of potential.

Elianna has a book about a girl who is obsessed with the fact that she does not have dimples. She is tormented by this terrible flaw in herself and goes to great lengths to try and fix it. I don't remember quite how the book ends, but I think the point is - you can have a beautiful smile, even if you don't have dimples. It's good not to get caught up in those little "imperfections" most people don't even notice or care about. We're all unique people and what makes one person great is not necessarily what is going to make you great. It's good to focus on what makes you great, not on acquiring something that works for someone else.

Whether you have dimples or not, never forget to let yourself smile. :)


(This car, clearly, has dimples.)

Craziest Game Winner

This is one of the most frantic and amazing finishes to a game I've ever seen; it's a basketball game between SUNY Geneseo and SUNY Oswego, with Oswego up two with about 12 seconds left. Watch it first:

What's even more crazy is that the guy who hit the game-winner, Scott Morton, hit the three to take the lead on the previous possession; was knocked down to the floor on the layup Oswego made to take the lead with three seconds left; got back up, ran down the court, followed the missed layup and then took that dive with the insane over-the-head shot.

Ask Not What Your Country Can Spend For You

...ask what you can spend for your country. Hat tip: Scraps. This video by Fred Thompson (former actor, recent United States Presidential candidate) is amazing, hilarious, and brilliant. Enjoy. :)

Ponderous Parsha Point...

...this Shabbos amongst many other things we will encounter the births of 11 of the Shevatim. Now by all accounts they were to become extraordinary people - to the point that we refer to them often as the Shivtei Ka.

Perhaps the most well known aspect of the Shevatim are their names. In jewish schools the world over children come to know the names of the 12 shevatim almost as if they were members of their own family. This year for the first time I actually paid attention the pesukim that detail their names and the ideas behind each of them. They are as follows:

וַתַּהַר לֵאָה וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן, וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ רְאוּבֵן: כִּי אָמְרָה, כִּי-רָאָה יְהוָה בְּעָנְיִי--כִּי עַתָּה, יֶאֱהָבַנִי אִישִׁי.
And Leah conceived, and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said: 'Because the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me.'

וַתַּהַר עוֹד, וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן, וַתֹּאמֶר כִּי-שָׁמַע יְהוָה כִּי-שְׂנוּאָה אָנֹכִי, וַיִּתֶּן-לִי גַּם-אֶת-זֶה; וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ, שִׁמְעוֹן.
And she conceived again, and bore a son; and said: 'Because the LORD hath heard that I am hated, He hath therefore given me this son also.' And she called his name Simeon.

וַתַּהַר עוֹד, וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן, וַתֹּאמֶר עַתָּה הַפַּעַם יִלָּוֶה אִישִׁי אֵלַי, כִּי-יָלַדְתִּי לוֹ שְׁלֹשָׁה בָנִים; עַל-כֵּן קָרָא-שְׁמוֹ, לֵוִי.
And she conceived again, and bore a son; and said: 'Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have borne him three sons.' Therefore was his name called Levi.

וַתַּהַר עוֹד וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן, וַתֹּאמֶר הַפַּעַם אוֹדֶה אֶת-יְהוָה--עַל-כֵּן קָרְאָה שְׁמוֹ, יְהוּדָה; וַתַּעֲמֹד, מִלֶּדֶת
And she conceived again, and bore a son; and she said: 'This time will I praise the LORD.' Therefore she called his name Judah; and she left off bearing.

וַתֹּאמֶר רָחֵל, דָּנַנִּי אֱלֹהִים, וְגַם שָׁמַע בְּקֹלִי, וַיִּתֶּן-לִי בֵּן; עַל-כֵּן קָרְאָה שְׁמוֹ, דָּן.
And Rachel said: 'God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son.' Therefore called she his name Dan.

וַתֹּאמֶר רָחֵל, נַפְתּוּלֵי אֱלֹהִים נִפְתַּלְתִּי עִם-אֲחֹתִי--גַּם-יָכֹלְתִּי; וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ, נַפְתָּלִי
And Rachel said: 'With mighty wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and have prevailed.' And she called his name Naphtali.

וַתֹּאמֶר לֵאָה, בגד (בָּא גָד); וַתִּקְרָא אֶת-שְׁמוֹ, גָּד
And Leah said: 'Fortune is come!' And she called his name Gad.

וַתֹּאמֶר לֵאָה--בְּאָשְׁרִי, כִּי אִשְּׁרוּנִי בָּנוֹת; וַתִּקְרָא אֶת-שְׁמוֹ, אָשֵׁר
And Leah said: 'Happy am I! for the daughters will call me happy.' And she called his name Asher.

וַתֹּאמֶר לֵאָה, נָתַן אֱלֹהִים שְׂכָרִי, אֲשֶׁר-נָתַתִּי שִׁפְחָתִי, לְאִישִׁי; וַתִּקְרָא שְׁמוֹ, יִשָּׂשכָר
And Leah said: 'God hath given me my hire, because I gave my handmaid to my husband. And she called his name Issachar.

וַתֹּאמֶר לֵאָה, זְבָדַנִי אֱלֹהִים אֹתִי זֵבֶד טוֹב--הַפַּעַם יִזְבְּלֵנִי אִישִׁי, כִּי-יָלַדְתִּי לוֹ שִׁשָּׁה בָנִים; וַתִּקְרָא אֶת-שְׁמוֹ, זְבֻלוּן
And Leah said: 'God hath endowed me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have borne him six sons.' And she called his name Zebulun.

וַתַּהַר, וַתֵּלֶד בֵּן; וַתֹּאמֶר, אָסַף אֱלֹהִים אֶת-חֶרְפָּתִי
וַתִּקְרָא אֶת-שְׁמוֹ יוֹסֵף, לֵאמֹר: יֹסֵף יְהוָה לִי, בֵּן אַחֵר
And she conceived, and bore a son, and said: 'God hath taken away my reproach.' And she called his name Joseph, saying: 'The LORD add to me another son.'

My ponderings stem from the following: w/ the exceptions of Yehuda, Gad & Asher the thoughts behind the names of the Shevatim are not what I would expect to lie behind the foundations of the future of Klal Yisroel. By and large they would seem to come from non-positive feelings, and that's being charitable in some cases - I don't know...it just struck me as kind of off.

Thoughts...

Bittersweet Sympathy

Life of Rubin has been posting numerous videos this week, many dedicated by their composers and singers to the Holtzberg family, partially as a way of easing the pain from the tragedy. Many of them are really beautiful songs; I found this song, Window in Heaven, to be a sweet, sad song dedicated to a child missing parents, while this song is dedicated to those who work on behalf of the community as the Holtzbergs did.

Something Amazing

Hat tip: Stam

There's a really interesting article in the Wall Street Journal which takes a closer look at the growing phenomenon of Israeli kiosk salesmen in the US, particularly during the holiday season.

At malls across the country, shoppers are being besieged by a determined crop of salespeople: young Israelis who man mobile carts and have a no-holds-barred selling style.

Amid the grimmest holiday season in years, these workers are approaching passing mall shoppers or calling out from their stations, pitching body lotions, irons, toys and knickknacks. They demonstrate their wares by flying remote-control helicopters, steaming shirts and applying makeup. Instead of charging American-style fixed prices, they harness the culture of the bazaar and often quote numbers based on what they think a customer will be willing to pay.

While I have somewhat mixed feelings about how some of the Israelis tend to do business, most of them tend to be eminently respectful (if a bit pushy) and admittedly great salesmen. Their attitude and self-confidence is amazing (in the article one talks about being able to sell ice to Eskimos), and they certainly get the job done. It's a good piece, check it out. Below is the music video the article mentions by Rami Feinstein, a well known Israeli musician who wrote a song about his annual stint as such a salesman.

The Number One Enemy

It's wonderful that they have nothing more troubling to deal with, but this seems to be pushing it a bit:

The leaders of the Haredi Community, a prominent anti-Zionist stream of ultra-Orthodox Judaism, have called on their public to donate money for the establishment of an alternative, kosher bus service to the Western Wall.

The community is outraged by the Egged bus company's refusal to introduce a service that institutes separation between men and women.

A notice published in the congregation's newspaper declared that Egged was "systematically trampling the spirit and holiness of the haredi public by forcing on it mixed journeys of promiscuity every day." It further stated that every attempt by rabbis to negotiate a separate bus line with Egged had been rejected.

"Egged's transportation of promiscuity is currently the number one enemy of haredi Judaism, and has already claimed many victims," the ad continued.

For what it's worth, whether one agrees with the views or not, it is hard to argue with the approach. If you don't like the services a company offers, by all means, find a way to offer it yourself. If the market for such a thing truly exists, then it will likely be successful; if not, it probably won't. This is actually a good test of the Charedi population to see whether they can create, run, and support cheap busing for their own community - and perhaps more importantly, whether the average person truly cares to do so. (Egged already runs many separate-sex lines for the Charedi community.)

One of the greatest things about free-market economics is that it allows - and forces - people to choose what is important to them. If people truly feel that something is important, they will pay (extra) money for it; if they do not, they will not... particularly in a rough economic period. The charedi community has used its clout before to force companies like Egged and ElAl to cater to their demands, but only by showing that it was in the best economic interests of those companies to do so, by taking away a large customer base. Economics forces people who feel something is important to show and convince enough people of the worthiness of their position for it to come into being. This is a good situation to see just how important people view this supposed ideal of separate seating.

Validation

(Hat tip: Eema2Four) Well worth the time. Smile!

Prof. Aumann at Lander Tonight & Other Worthy Reads

Prof. Robert J. Aumann is speaking tonight at the Lander College for Men on the topic "Economics & The Talmud". The lecture is open to the community:

Professor Robert J. Aumann, Nobel Prize Laureate in Economic Sciences, 2005, will be speaking at LCM, Tuesday, December 2, 2008, at 8:00 PM. The lecture will be open to the entire community and all alumni are warmly invited to attend. Refreshments will be served. The event is hosted by Touro College and the Orthodox Union.

Lander College for Men
75-01 150th Street, Flushing, NY, 11367

Elsewhere, I thought these were interesting:

• I don't generally discuss Israeli politics too closely anymore, but these clips RafiG posted (in Hebrew) of Moshe Feiglin were really interesting. It's both nice and sad at the same time to see that Israeli politics can actually discuss substance and show more agreement between the sides than American politics often does.
• I really enjoyed this d'var Torah by Steg on Toldos. A worthwhile message.
• My mom sent over a fascinating piece on how radiologists may do a better job at their job when there's a face to the scans they're seeing.
  

The Holtzberg's Last Shabbos

Via BaltimoreJewish. See JC's post to read more...

This man, Dr. Sherwin Isenberg, had spent Shabbos with Rabbi Gavriel and Rivkah Holtzberg, zt’l. Fortunately, Dr. Isenberg left Mumbai prior to the attacks. As we all know, tragically, the Holtzbergs were not spared the carnage wrought by Islamic terrorists and were murdered in their home. Today, I discovered via Seraphic Secretthat a memorial service was held in L.A. at which Dr. Isenberg movingly described his impressions of the Holtzbergs. Dr. Isenberg was clearly moved as he spoke and to his credit, was able to compose himself and give us some idea of what this special couple was like.

The Perfect Wisdom From Your Elders

Not only did I love this license plate the instant I saw it on Main Street here in KGH, but after I parked, I walked by the car. In the passenger seat waiting patiently for someone to come back was an elderly gentleman who looked like he was the type to say exactly this comment. It's a good attitude toward life in general, though perhaps you have to have lived through more of it to truly appreciate it.

This past week, I had a great conversation with a wise man about a number of things. (In truth, I had numerous conversations with numerous wise people about numerous things, but we'll stick to this one.) I'd sought out this person's advice for a number of reasons, most particularly that they'd be looking at the situation from the exact opposite end I would be. It was a part of life I'd yet to live through, while he was well past this stage of life; his perspective on the issue would be far different from mine.

At one point in the conversation, we discussed advice-seeking and advice-giving in general, and the man remarked to me how much easier it is (ironically) to appreciate advice as we get older. After noting what he thought of the stages and decisions in life I was looking at, he reminded me of what I thought five, six, seven years ago, and compared that to what I think now. It's fascinating to think back as to what seemed important then, and what seemed small; I look now and realize that the little things - some which I took for granted, some which I never really took - are what has mattered while the big ones are constantly changing.

It is rather interesting to note which decisions end up major impacts, in retrospect. It is often the case that I can pinpoint conversations, discussions, actions, or reactions which forever changed the course of my life... while situations which seemed so large at the time turned out to be quite small in the grand scheme of things. This rule of thumb is easily applied to friendships, to marriage, to parenting... it is more often the little things that will have the largest effect on the overall picture, while the larger ones will disappear. A fight with a spouse, a big party for a friend or child - those matter at the time, but they quickly fade from memory. They can be overcome whether for good or for bad. But sitting on the floor with your kid and just listening to their "instructions", making a friend feel unimportant, knowing when your spouse needs that short break - those are much more meaningful in the long run. Those are harder to erase.

My wise adviser said that there are often times in life where you won't have the control you want over the situations that may arise, particularly if you want to succeed or wish to work toward a certain end. But certainly, one should not just sit and wait in a simpler situation just to hold that control, just from fear of what's ahead, to look back on the past, or just to sit for the sake of sitting. He said that you have to place yourself into a situation where things can happen, and see where life takes you from there. You may find that you get what you wanted; you may find something that you'd never have thought you'd enjoy. But until you take those steps forward, you won't find anything.

After you take those steps, however, and see where life takes you... then you can look back and see about how it all worked out. Maybe life didn't look great at 17, and maybe it looked horrible at the age of 19. Maybe things were pretty bad a few years ago, and there are some rough spots even now. But those problems at 17 are gone, and the rough times at 19 have turned out to be some of the best lessons for life. And if not for what happened a few years ago, well... the present would be far, far worse, wouldn't it? And all this... this is without even mentioning all the great things that have come out of life in those times. Wow.

Thanks God, indeed.

Big Kids

As Kayla shifts from baby to... well, bigger baby (6 months this coming Friday), it gets pretty interesting. She just started on solid foods, switching into a high chair to eat (though she's a bit too short, so it's kind of funny to watch), and moving from a bassinet into a pack 'n play to sleep. Meanwhile, Elianna is getting more and more potty-trained and is just about ready to move into a bed (though she loves napping on the brown couch).

This morning, Elianna walked in and saw Kayla in the pack 'n play, which Serach had warned her against trying to go in because she might "break it". Elianna was wowed by Kayla sleeping in it, so she said:

"Ooooh, wow!! My cack and clay? [Nodding] Kayla, yeah, I'm sharing with you, yeah? Okay... but don't break it!!"

I wonder how she'll feel about it when Kayla moves into her room. Meanwhile, apparently Elianna's little leadership training last week was even funnier than we thought. She not only got up on the teacher's chair and started doing what the teacher does, she apparently got the entire class to join in renditions of "If you're happy and you know it" and other songs. Now at home she takes her toys, puts them in a circle, and leads them in everything from "Boker Tov to..." to reading them stories. It's really cute to watch. :)

Carpe Diem: Seize The Day

They say you should live every day as if it were your last.

I think this is true - to an extent. Obviously, you can't treat people as if you're never going to see them again.

At the same time, it is important to take advantage of opportunities as they arise.

Still, even then, it's important to know what you really want, beyond just what is available.

It's your life. It's your story to unfold.

It's frustrating not to always be in control of that. How can a person seize the day if she can't see what to seize?

Still, though. There are things you do have control over. You shouldn't take advantage of your friendships and other relationships. You shouldn't stay angry at people when it's unwarranted or not an issue anymore. You shouldn't pass up opportunities because you're just not in the mood. You shouldn't let other people boss you around or discourage you from doing something you really want to do. You shouldn't let other people make you think you're not good enough.

It's your life. It's your day to seize.

We all exist for a reason. We all have strengths. It would be so sad if we put those strengths aside because we didn't know how to use them or didn't feel like using them or were too self-conscious about using them. Talents aren't expendable.

I wish we could all have the best lives possible. I wish we could all be happy. I wish we could all make the right choices. I wish people would give all of us a chance. Because we all deserve that chance.*

...Perhaps I should have just posted the video and let it speak for itself, but I wanted this chance to speak to the world. So I took it.

*I apologize for turning passive at the end. I suppose that is the opposite of seizing, isn't it? It's waiting for others to make something available. And yet that, too, is important, because sometimes a thing cannot be seized without it also being offered, in a way. I don't know. I'm only just learning some things still.

Guest Bios: Moshe

All Guest Bios

As people may have noticed, to the right is a list of contributors to this blog. On each drop down, there is a line for "Bio". This is the second of those Bios, which will hopefully give a slightly better understanding of each contributor.

"Have a quacky day", he tells me. Moshe (WildTumor) is a rather hard man to describe. I met Moshe when I first came to Lander College; he was the new editor-in-chief of the Lander Chronicle, and a member of student government, while I was voted in as the first-year representative and was quickly asked to write for the Chronicle. He actually delayed publishing one edition for a few hours so he could put in a Mazel Tov to Serach and me on our engagement. We became close friends, particularly after Serach and I got married and Moshe took over the green couch after Shabbos meals to lie down. (At least once, this turned out to be a bad idea.)

A few months ago, we had the distinct opportunity to attend Moshe's beautiful wedding. We had to borrow a car to get there, as ours had been towed, but it was well worth it. Now, Moshe & Adina live just up the block from us here in KGH, something Moshe hopes will last long enough for him to win a long-standing bet with me about. (Whether we move out of the tri-state area by September 2010 - the loser takes out the winner to dinner in a restaurant the winner chooses.) Moshe is in medical school, enjoying his perpetual education, while Adina works quite hard in a hospital to let him do so; he's also one of the best people to talk to, to bounce ideas off of, and to go out and have a good time with. He's a thinker but ultimately practical, well aware of his strengths and flaws, and able to pick out that which applies to him while discarding that which does not.

His latest post on his own blog is a good showcase of much of this: Enjoy The Bias of Youth (then peruse the archives).

And oh yeah - he's obsessed with ducks, particularly of the AFLAC variety. But we put up with him anyway.